The Different Side

Greetings from Teluk Intan - Land of Boredom..

2009-06-10T00:51:00.002+10:00

Looks like I had complete peace for the past three weeks, travelling outstation to Ipoh, the land of dim sum and later on to Teluk Intan, Land of Boredom...... Well, I was expecting a really boring three weeks over in Perak, but somehow it has given me some peace, some time to slow down and really think bout myself and what am I gonna do from here on... This mini break has given me lots to think about and at the same time to ease off some of the burden of my shoulder...

Sometimes when we are too stubborn on certain things or we are too obsessed with a certain situation, we tend to lose our rationality and act stupidly.. I have given myself time off to really reset my life, my goals, my priorities.. I am 23 now, I have got to excel, I need to start hitting on the gas pedal and propel myself to greater heights, achieving things that I was supposed to achieve. Some how, somewhere along this path, we tend to lose our focus and start wandering off to stopovers.. and sometimes.. we stop for too long.. enjoying the comfort and enjoying the security u get in the comfort zone...

I guess I was never made for this, I was never that person that will be satisfied with what I have.. I always wanted more.. but some how along the way, I lost the fight.. lost the motivation.. and lost my willingness to achieve things.. Maybe I was looking for support, looking from support from the wrong sources.. But.. I finally understand that my life belongs to me.. I am the one on the drivers seat.. I'm the one who steers it.. I'm the one who gives direction.. Time after time.. I forget that and tend to let my life steer by itself.. putting it on auto-pilot... hoping that it would run smoothly on a path that will have no obstacles.. i.e.. A smooth ride...

I fall down too easily sometimes and take a huge amount of time to recover from my downfall.. while I was climbing up a cave in Perak, I realize.. that's human.. their very willing and eager to climb.. and eager to see what's at the peak of the mountain.. but they are afraid to make the journey down.. they are afraid to fall.. u look down the peak.. and you ask yourself "Holy Shit! This is certainly a high place to fall from." What I'm trying to say is that.. I've been so afraid to fall that I stop every now and then after climbing a certain distance...

Well.. looks like it's time to be such a passive person.. time to be the good ol' Kee Hong.. when everything is a challenge and interesting.. I'm not gonna give in to stopovers anymore.. I'm no pushover.. I'm no loser.. I am not boasting here.. but I was meant to achieve things.. I want it now.. and there's no better time than now.. to prove to the world what I have.. the qualities that I have.. all I lack is the confidence right now..

Guess that's all I have to babble this time round.. I will definitely try to update more on my trip to Ipoh and Teluk Intan.. btw.. your hometown really need more development, Veron (if you are reading!) Hahha... adios..

What hurts the most..

2009-05-20T02:24:00.002+10:00

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again i pretend i'm okay but that's not what gets me
What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere i go
But i'm doin it
It's hard to force that smile when i see our old friends and i'm alone
Still harder gettin up, gettin dressed, livin with this regret
But i know if i could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that i saved in my heart that i left unspoken
What hurts the most, is being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do
What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
And never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do
not seein that lovin you
that’s what I was tryin to do…

A late night post...

2009-03-22T05:05:00.002+11:00

It's 2a.m in the morning.. today is the first time I find it so hard to fall asleep since I've started working for the past 1 year and 3 months.. I usually have no issues sleeping due to my long hours at work... but today is the first time in a really really long time I find it hard to sleep.. is it because I just had like 5 cigarettes a while ago..? I really don't know...

Tonight... there seems to be a lot on my mind... some uneasiness easing into me.. slipping through right to me from toe to top... I seem to be so restless.. so much to say.. so much to tell.. but just can't open up.. I hate this feeling.. I really hate it.. is it because I've lost it...? I've lost touch..? I've lost what it becomes to be my true self? Is it because I'm just a coward hiding underneath my shell.. waiting for things to happen.. waiting for lady luck or santa to say.. hey.. you've been nice.. now here's what you wanted...

I feel so helpless.. so helpless to the fact.. that I will go hide myself in the closet and hide there.. It's not the first time.. and I bet it won't be the last.. Sometimes I wish things would be easier.. things would be more straight forward.. things would always be my way.. but yeah.. I have learnt the hard way.. things do not always happen as you want it.. I want to be different.. I want to emulate others.. I envy what they have.. There's just something missing from me..

The thing with me is... I've never dared to try making changes.. I always take one step forward but the next thing I know I take several steps back.. I am risk averse.. I am afraid of failure.. I am afraid that I'm being battered to the extent that I can't stand up again.. I'm afraid to lose.. I'm afraid to lose what I've built for so long.. and lose it overnight.. I'm afraid of how ppl will look at me..

It's just 2 a.m.. forgive me for babbling..

Because it's a winding road... ( A very random post)

2009-03-07T15:34:00.004+11:00

Sometimes you just realize that no matter how hard you've tried and how hard you've strived.. certain things just seems to remain stagnant... The economy is down.. people are out of job... those who are working have to work extra hours for free.. it just seems like everything is haywire... and regardless how hard you've tried or strived... this bad situations seems to get the better of you...

Day in and day out we think bout work.. work and workk.. the newspapers complain about job cuts, pay cuts... interest rate cuts... but nvr say anything bout tax cuts... haha.. I guess that's just the way it is at the moment.. There's no easy life in this world.. unless u're born rich.. even so.. u need to manage ur wealth so that u don't become poor one day... but hey... when u're rich things just seems easier... but those who are really successful are those who work their way up from scratch...

What else can we achieve in life..? I ask myself this.. I find so many answers.. the grass always looks greener on the other side... I want to be a financial consultant, I want to be an event manager.. I want to be an astronaut... I want to be a footballer... I want anything else other than my current job...! Haha.. but at the end of the day.. we're still stuck here.. still doing what we're doing... Many of us want changes but are afraid to make changes at the same time...

Miracles...? What miracles..? You think fairytales like slum dog millionaire happen everyday..? You must be kidding me... Yeah.. the story is a miracle itself... but for that movie to wipe out 8 awards from the Oscars.. that's just amazing.. No doubt it's a good movie.. with very good storylines.. but I guess Hollywood must be bored of all these super hero blockbusters.... well miracles... they just don't happen everyday......!

At the end of the day, life is a winding road.... and we all strive to overcome all the corners and all the obstacles...

Women's English..

2009-02-05T18:59:00.000+11:00

"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
"We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now
"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"We need to talk" = I need to complain
"You're certainly attentive tonight" = Is sex all you ever think about?
"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house
"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep
"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive
"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like
"I'll be ready in a minute" = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
"Is my butt fat?" = Lie to me
"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me
"Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead]
"Do what you want." = You'll pay for this later

I want to start clean...

2009-01-24T13:32:00.002+11:00

Well.. the first deadline has passed by to change things... New Year's 2009... now there's a second deadline.. Chinese New Year.. well I have failed to set things right come 1 January 2009.. now here's a second chance.. second chance saloon to get things right... my aim to start everything with a bang.. in terms of career and everything else...

I have a point to prove.. a big point this year.. this is a make or break year in terms of my career as an auditor.. rumuors are if everything goes well.. the next promotion for my batch would be in June.. I definitely would not want to miss that promotion.. I know I have a short 4 months to prove myself to my seniors and managers.. that I'm capable of doing what it takes to be there.. I need to prove to my doubters (I am the biggest doubter of myself.. haha) that I can do it.. I am not what I appear to be.. I am more than that.. way more than that..
Mental strength and self confidence is my biggest weakness.. I really have to admit I have poor mental strength.. I tend to lose my direction when I'm under stress.. I lose direction.. when I hit a wall.. not knowing how to turn left or right... I lose direction when I'm thrown on a solo challenge... To overcome everything else.. I need to first overcome myself.... I am the biggest enemy of myself...

Next thing.. I need to stop taking those convenience provided by my family.. For the past 20 over odd years, my family has been extremely protective over me.. especially my dad.. I need to stop taking things for granted and start realizing that I am 23 this year.. I am old enough to take care of myself and I do not need anyone to back me up in life.. yeah.. I may need assistance.. but not each and everyday of my life...

Target.. My target is to endure.. this is the biggest test so far in my life.. having to deal with reality.. with the most common sight of human.. where there is minimal forgiveness for your mistakes or your clumsiness.. The phrase "I'm sorry, I think I made a mistake" is no longer acceptable... or "I'm sorry.. I think I'm still a newbie" .. that is no longer acceptable as well...

I want to start clean.. quit all my bad habits.. pick up new things.. I am in a learning process.. I need to improve.. I need to move forward.. I have to show what I am capable of.. I will and I swear I will not give up till the battle is done..

Too many times

2009-01-19T01:31:00.002+11:00

Too many times...

I have failed to hang on to my resolutions...
I have failed to change for the better...
I have failed to see the bigger picture...
I have failed to be ambitious...
I have made the same mistakes...
I have failed to leave up to expectations...
I have walked down the same path..
I have stayed in my comfort zone......
I have failed to show determination...
I have complained about my surroundings...
I have failed to see that the problem lies in me...
I have reasons for my failures...
I have over-estimated my ability...
I lose confidence when I face obstacles...

It's just too many times I failed to be the better man.. time to buck up and move forward..

The ups, downs & miracles of 2008

2008-12-27T23:49:00.007+11:00

It's yet another year, another new environment, new friends and new challenges. This is usually the time of the year where u really look into what you have set for yourself beginning of the year and what you actually achieved by now. Well, honestly, my major target for myself this year was to kickstart my career not sure of whether I'm actually up for it. I remember my flight landed in Malaysia at 6.00 a.m in the morning of 1st January 2008. As I left the airport, I told myself I'm gonna start this year with a bang and accomplish something.

Eventually, I managed to get myself a job in Ernst & Young as an auditor knowing the obstacles and challenges that I would face. It really was an experience. First few months were really the honeymoon months, meeting new people, acclimatise myself with the working environment. Going through the off-peak period was like a miracle as you never thought that an auditor's job could be so easy and flexible. I took my first 2 papers for CPA soon and I think I got a fair result for it. Soon after exams, things were really hell, being thrown at challenges after challenges, working through 10 hour working days or even more. Being promoted after 7 months of your job is not a good thing, you lack the experience, you lack the knowledge, what more I'm a person who lacks the motivation when it comes to things that doesn't interest me.

If you were to ask me, what was the biggest gain I had this year? I would have to say.. a bunch of colleagues who eventually turn out to be my close friends ( thiam yong, wen hsin, chee kang, christina, ai peng, dawson, tinesh, wan chin, wei zhen, hong seng, yuet lin, choon hoong, the list just goes on and on.... sorry if I left out anyone). A bunch of people who walked with me, encouraged me and even shared my complains with me. No doubt without them, I would never have reached this far working as an auditor. But the question remains: how long more could I battle on? It's not an easy task having to put in 10 hours day in day out in a job for the peak period and facing things that are foreign and uninteresting. I ask myself everyday in the morning: What is it that I like bout this job? The only answer was my friends. I really hope I could go through these three years together with all of them.

Not to mention my close friends, kok fai n chia ming who heard a big share of my complains in both my career and guy girl problems. I guess this people have come a long way with me. I felt that I might have neglected some of my other friends and my family along the way due to tight schedules as an auditor. Well, I still managed to keep in touch with Jeannie, one of the few people who came back from Aussie. Melbourne was indeed a place I really miss, some of the people there like CC, Su San,Damien, Daniel, Ken, Kee Win, Kai, Joanna, 24, Sheanee... gosh it seems like its been a really long time since we met. I really hope I could balance out my time next year and meet as many people as possible including all my other friends from Klang.

Well, I guess that kinda sums up my year, it's been a struggle, but yet it was filled with joy and new experiences. This is my first post in a million years I know, but I really hope I would find the motivation to continue writing....... hehe..

Bent..

2008-09-06T14:17:00.005+10:00

If I fall along the way
Pick me up and dust me off
If I get too tired to make it
Be my breath so I can walk
If I need some of your love again
Give me more than I can stand
When my smile gets old and faded
Wait around I'll smile again
Shouldn't be so complicated
Just hold me and then
Just hold me again
Chorus:Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together
Keep breaking me in
And this is how we will live
With you and me bent
If I couldn't sleep could you sleep
Could you paint me better off
Could you sympathize with my needs
I know you think I need a lot
I started out clean but I'm jaded
Just falling
Just breaking the skin
Chorus: Start bending me
It's never enough
'Til I feel all your pieces
Start bending me
Keep bending me until I'm completely broken in
Shouldn't be so complicated
Just touch me and then
Just touch me again
Chorus: Without understandingHell, I'll go there again
Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together
Yeah, you're breaking me in
And this is how we will live

Mungkin nanti - Peterpan

2008-05-03T06:53:00.002+10:00

Sahaja ku berkata mungkin yang terakhir kalinya
Sudahlah lepaskan semua kuyakin inilah waktunya
Mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi
Mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi
Dan mungkin bila nanti kita kan bertemu lagi
Satu pintaku jangan kau coba tanyakan kembali
Rasa yang ku tinggal mati
Seperti hari kemarin saat semua di sini
Dan bila hatimu termenung bangun dari mimpi-mimpimu[Mmm]
Membuka hatimu yang dulu cerita saat bersamaku
Mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi
Mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi
Dan mungkin bila nanti kita kan bertemu lagi
Satu pintaku jangan kau coba tanyakan kembali
Rasa yang kutinggal mati
Seperti hari kemarin saat semua di sini
Dan mungkin bila nanti kita kan bertemu lagi
Satu pintaku jangan kau coba tanyakan kembali
Rasa yang kutinggal mati
Seperti hari kemarin saat semua di sini
Tak usah kau tanyakan lagi simpan untukmu sendiri
Semua sesal yang kau cari semua rasa yang kau beri

Nice malay ballad... go download it

how time flies...

2008-04-22T11:10:00.004+10:00

Without even realizing it.. my blog turned 2 years on April 13.. Gosh.. it's been 2 years since i started blogging.. and I don't think I have done a great job on this site.. I remember making a resolution of emulating famous bloggers like kenny sia, jeff ooi and kinkybluefairy in one of my new year resolutions.. but i think.. what I've achieved so far.. is far cry from what they've achieved...

I guess.. I use my blog for different reasons.. to vent my anger and mainly to vent out things I've failed to say verbally sometimes.. It helps in a way, but the fact that you'll never know who reads your blog makes u worry about the content sometimes... You have to worry bout the things u can write and things u can't write... and if you put a password to ur post.. then what is the point of having a blog then..? I believe though many people who read this blog are those who really know me.. and interested in knowing what's going on in my life... and to some.. it's just to kill time when they're bored... haha...

Either or.. I hope I have not bore you guys with lame things that's been going on and on in my life.. to tell the truth, I find my life rather monotonous and lack of hoo-ha.. to entertain u guys.. In other words, I'm just a common person.. and not a person living in a fantasy world or living in the lifestyle of the rich n famous.. Therefore, forgive me, if my posts lack the spice or interesting bits...

I guess a blog really helps you in self-realization.. you type out your thoughts, what directly comes into your mind and you put it into words. Sometimes, it's hard to put all your emotions and things you want to say into words. I've tried my best to upload pictures.. but I guess it's just a failure as I'm a bum..

I really hope this site would go on.. and on.. either as a record of my daily life.. or maybe in future.. something that would entertain even more.. Happy belated birthday, "the different side"!

It takes 4 cups of coffee to get thru a working day...

2008-03-25T23:11:00.005+11:00

Man.. I seriously can't stand driving in the morning sometimes.. it's really tiring when you have to drive 1 hour plus to work when u had only like 5 hours of sleep.. u feel like you're half dead and u're like a zombie.. Today.. I was really dozing off while driving... I really can't keep my eyes open.. I just felt like sleeping and let my car drive itself.. gosh.. they should have some auto driver shit jus like auto-pilotting on the plane...

I guess the smart tunnel is fucking dumb after all.. it's supposed to be a tunnel where there will be no flash floods on the highway.. but guess wat.. this dumb tunnel has been flooded over and over again.. to the extent they have to close it several times to maintain it.. it's causing traffic congestion to everyone working at KL... Flyfm's ben was damn sarcastic today.. he sorta describe the smart tunnel as a big longkang in KL... a place where all the water will go to! haha.. I guess.. Samy boy is lucky as he is no longer the works minister... but I pity his successor...

The first thing I did when I arrive at my client's place was to go to the nearest coffee shop to have a cup of kopi-0.. I had a cup an hour ago at home.... and guess what.. by 11.00 something... I was zoning off at my client's place.. it's just so damn dry and boring.. it makes me wanna sleep.. I really hate doing uninteresting shit... I wish the whole audit was full of issues.. but yet again.. that would mean my workload would increase by far..

Lunch time.. there goes.. another cup of kopi-0.. barely 15 minutes setting my ass on the chair after lunch.. I dozed off again.. I gave up.. I went down to the sundry shop and got 3 cans of kopi-o.. but I only had one lerr.. It's a total of 4 cups at the end of the day! It's like a routine to me already.. to have 4 cups of coffee (minimum)..... if not I really can't see myself getting thru the day.. I guess the 4-5 hours of sleep everyday has been catching up wif me... I get really grumpy sometimes and I just feel like doing nothing........

Imagine I'm only having a normal work day of 8 hours.. I can't see myself working for more hours than that..I'll probably need 7 cups of coffee at least... and you know what.. each time I dun have coffee.. I'll start to have a runny nose... gosh.. I think it's like drugs to me now.. I'm screwed...! I should start looking for caffeine pills.. faster way of feeling awake!

Guess that's just working life.. a fucking pain in the ass

U know it's gonna be a bad day when...

2008-03-24T22:48:00.003+11:00

1. Your favourtie football team got beaten badly last night by their arch rivals...
2. Man Utd seems to be having a clear run at the top of the Premiership....
3. You have a tummy ache from yesterday's rojak...
4. You realize you are not yet a CPA member...
5. You realize you can't register for the mentor programme and risk having to work an extra half
a year at EY...
6. You realize the cut-off for CPA registration is Feb 29th....
7. Your claims for expenses are missing...
8. You just can't seem to get anything done in the morning...
9. Your kopi-O and newspaper you want is sold out at 7-11...
10.You don't get to meet the person you want to meet...
11.You don't get to hear the song you want to on the radio...
12.You can't seem to do anything right at work...
13.You thought you lose your senior's thumbdrive...
14.You're caught in a heavy jam and all you want to do is go home and lie down..
15.You think you have a traffic summon coming your way...
16.Your thoughts are everywhere...

I really want to listen to 'Bad day' by Daniel Powter right now.. !

Some games are just not for people with faint of heart..

2008-03-22T06:40:00.004+11:00

Something struck me today.. I shall not play a game which I'm not up for it. It's just like drinking.. u have to know your limits.. and never go beyond it.. if not you'll suffer the consequences of a hangover and vomitting..

Things I don't understand...

2008-03-13T12:28:00.002+11:00

I don't understand why.. your manager has to give u work at 5 p.m when u were sitting down doing nothing from 8.30 a.m till 10.00 a.m. It annoys the shit out of me when ur mgr/senior or ur fellow colleague gives u work at 5 p.m. It's like.. wtf.. I've been sitting down doing nothing for half the day.. now u give me shit to work on at 5 p.m just went I'm about to leave.. I really don't get it.. why not they just give you a schedule and let u know what u have to work on for the day, so that people who come early can start work early and go home early.. those fuckers who come late can stay till late.. it's all about being efficient and flexible with schedule and time planning...

Another thing is when you have to clean up other's mess.. I was given a set of audit working papers.. and I was ordered to fill in a form which shows what work has been done on it.. gosh.. I looked at it.. and I started swearing in office.. wtf...? how can u tell what that person has done..? I swear.. it is impossible to know what work has been done in a particular area you did it by urself.. I've been cleaning up other ppl's shit for this past one month.. some shit that I don't even understand.. I just simply do some shit.. and make it a bigger pile of shit.. sometimes, I really doubt the effectiveness of an audit...

Thirdly, Malaysians have spoken and know that they want a change.. but have those who always asked for a change really know what they want..? Do you want equality, less corruption... or u just don't give a damn... whatever change is good..? Things going on in the transition period for the state governments aren't going smoothly.. well, for me, it doesn't matter who becomes the Menteri Besar as long as I get to eat my bak kut teh.. and I get to eat my roast pork.. Well, I doubt that there will be bak kut teh in Kedah and Perak, haha.. I think the whole problem lies in the state and federal constitution.. everything is set based on the importance of one race..

Before the elections my dad asked me, do you think there'll be a difference..? I said yeah.. but now.. I'm starting to feel that I might have to eat my words.. He gave me the analogy of a major shareholder vs the minority.. seriously.. who gives a fuck bout the minority shareholder..? If you don't like the company policy, sell your shares and fuck off.. who cares bout the interest of a minority shareholder? It's the major shareholder that counts as he has the most stakes.. well.. take that analogy and apply it to the current situation in Malaysia...

The thing is.. the minorities are so used to being surpressed that they can't speak up for equality anymore... they want a change... but I guess.. it is almost impossible to get equality here..

Proudest moment as a Malaysian for everyone..

2008-03-09T16:54:00.003+11:00

Finally.. Malaysians has spoken up.. after 50 years of supression and marginalisation by the coalition government.. we Malaysians finally fought back and speak up what's on our minds.. We let them know that we are no longer conservative people who are afraid to let things change.. we are all educated people and we are always willing to change things when things are not going on the right track for the country..

Forget bout those olden era where the whole lot of voters are usually staunch supporters of one party and would always forgive the party whenever they screw up... People of the new era are less forgiving and we are exposed to what's happening outside Malaysia. Voters can always use the internet the most advanced media to reach information sources that we could never access before this to give us clarification on what really is going on in the government and the dirty tricks, corruption and manipulation carried out by certain individuals or parties... Gone are those days..

Today.. Malaysians finally make full use of their democracy rights.. they finally realize the need to be recognised as a Malaysian and not according to our racial roots... I agree.. the whole problem of racial equality has not been solved and it would be difficult to do so.. but at least.. we are on the right track... regardless of which party contests on the next election.. they know that the people do not buy their racial strategies anymore.. we don't buy their ideology of only helping a certain race.. what we want is an equal opportunity for all of us.. to bring this nation to a whole new level and to have everyone in this country to be united as one..

Besides that, the upset caused by the opposition was not a tsunami.. neither it was something that should catch us by surprise.. all the signs have shown towards an upset.. all the signs were pointing towards a change.. and finally.. people exercise their rights for a change.. this is not only a success for the opposition party.. but a success for us as Malaysians.. we finally get a more balanced government, a government with more people's voice.. I believe everyone should be given a fair chance to speak up their mind.. given a fair chance to give constructive comments and everyone should be given a share of the country's development..

Before 8th of March, I knew there were doubters, doubters that doubt that there will be a change, I myself was quite skeptical too.. I thought that things will always stay the same and never change.. but I guess I was wrong.. Malaysians have improved and I'm proud of it.. This is one of the proudest moment of my life as a Malaysian.. I guess my decision to come back has not totally been wrong.. it's starting to show good signs.. it's starting to show that Malaysians to have a democratic system despite manipulation by certain parties and individuals.. We managed to sweep out ministers who don't perform.. our birthday boy today.. finally realized.. he's not unbeatable after all... he's not God.. he is only human.. and he has to face the consequences of his failure of fighting for the rights of his community and only fighting for his individual benefit...

I guess.. this is a really good beginning.. a new era.. new hope for us as Malaysians..

Every man's nightmare... HAIR LOSS!!!

2008-02-29T22:41:00.003+11:00

As usual I went for my monthly haircut today.. and all I thought of was to jus haf a haircut ler... Well.. the hairdresser did her usual thing and all.. but as she went on.. she told me that I my scalp was sensitive and..... I was suffering from HAIR LOSS.. wtf.. I mean.. I know I don't have much hair.. and some more she tell me hair loss in the middle part..... u say... HAI LATZZZ or not..? aihhhsss.. i got my pay check yesterday.. gave nearly half of it to my mom.. another RM140 burnt off for hair products today.. wtf man.. wat am I gonna eat for the rest of the month...? Sigh.....

Anyways.. things has been going on smoothly this few weeks.. too smooth to the extent I'm actually afraid of whether I'll be able to adapt to a tensed working environment! Well.. I'm not complaining ler.. it's borin shit and all.. but I kinda adapted to it already.. Btw.. today I only worked for 3 hours.. syok rite..? another 5-6 hours was spent on doing rubbish....!

On another note.. election is coming and the election fever really is ons here.. unlike the elections in Australia.. the election here involves a lot of flyers and posters everywhere.. come to think of it.. we're not really helping the environment.. all these bloody politicians.. during normal days never see them.. during elections.. can see them at every corner of Malaysia.. messed up man.. I really hope those who can vote already to vote wisely.. our country is not as well as it seems..... 7.3 % of GDP growh.. who the fuck came out with these figures man..? I guess they just shit out the figures to deceive some dumb ppl.. ppl fail to realize that prices of essential items have gone way high but our pay hasn't gone up at all...

Another cancer patient that I know of.. has lost the battle.. seriously, sometimes life is just unfair.. her daughter in law is about to deliver in april.. one more month to go.. and she had to go.. life is just fated sometimes..

That's all for now.. hope everyone's doing well......!

Boring weekend...

2008-02-24T19:25:00.003+11:00

Looks like.. my life pretty much revolves around these few things... work, sleep, eat, mahjong and mamak.. This weekend.. mahjong was taken off from my list of things to do.. so.. I'm left with work, sleep and eat... freaking sien man.. Well, maybe its time to get some rest also ler.. I've been sleeping for 6 hours or 5 hours plus for the past one month or so... I hardly get 8 hour sleeps anymore.. I can't imagine ppl like Damien, Sheanee or Joanna working next time.. They'll probably sleep in the office or something like that...

Someone told me the other day.. u dun look like u're from klang.. U dun haf the klang 'look'.. In my heart I was like wtf... wat u expect me to haf..? Red, yellow and green hair.. scream into your ears while talking to u... and pushing u around while talking to u and so on..? Gosh.. I think klangnites are misunderstood sometimes.. Just because there are gangsters in klang and a lot of ah bengs in Klang doesn't mean everyone's like that.. I think Klang ppl are actually nice ppl and fucking hell.. at least we get our fireworks.. unlike losers in the city and near the city who don't haf such luxury.. Yeah.. we might not be as cool as others.. but we're down to earth ppl..... ok ok.... enuf said..! I don't wanna offend too many ppl..

I haf had to haf lunch alone a couple of times last week.. see.. being able to haf lunch alone is not too bad after all.. It gets a bit boring.. thts when ur ipod comes in handy.. or maybe ur mobile phone.. I get so bored at work sometimes.. that I need to go thru my list of contacts.. n to msg ppl that I think will entertain me.. Haha.. explains how boring my job is... it's freaking tedious! A couple of my friends had to work late the last week.. one till 7 in the morning.. wth.. no need sleep meh..? like that torture ppl......

Well... I'm so not looking forward to tomorrow and the week ahead.. I need some excitement in my life man.. If I continue leaving such a life.. sooner or later.. I'll be a dull old fart...

Finally... the real shit...

2008-02-19T10:51:00.003+11:00

Well.. looks like the next two weeks is gonna be hell for me... I have to compile 3 audit working papers for 3 subsidiaries.. of some stupid company which means.. I have 3 working days for each working paper.. imagine.. a newbie like me who has no idea wat some of the basic jargons and who has forgotten wat I learnt in university given such a big task.. I really can't imagine... if I can't pull this off.. I really duno wat to do.. it's not like university, where if u can't hand in ur assignment u just get marks deducted... so to those of u still at uni.. damn it.. stick to ur dateline...

I come to work everyday.. asking myself whether this job is suitable for me or not.. it really is some boring shit.. and at the moment I can't see myself staying for 3 years.. I don't understand what I'm doing.. everyone is moving like a F1 car.. it could be hard to catch someone to ask them.. how to do things.. everyone here somehow looks a bit robotic to me and all they do is work.. it scares u sometimes when u see the amount of ppl back at the office even at 11 p.m. Gosh.. at moments like this.. I wished I was at uni where I have my fellow classmates stressing out with me and doing the same shit with me.. and we could still collaborate.. over here.. u do ur own shit... others do theirs...

I just can't find the passion to work.. I can't find something that I like.. it's really difficult for me.. it's like a Man Utd fan being forced to play for Liverpool or Arsenal.. u just can't be bothered and u're just willing to sit there without ever playing..

Seriously...... what should I do.......?

Anyways.. to all of u melbournians having exams.. all the best..!

Valentine's Day....

2008-02-13T11:13:00.000+11:00

Well, it looks like tomorrow is Valentine's day, YET again... the day to look forward to for couples (actually for guys.. maybe it's not such a good thing, but hey, u dunno wats in store for you at the end of the day *wink*, haha). For those who are still single (like me), it's a day to avoid shopping centers,cinemas and love spots... or rather.. making love spots.. HAHA

Anyways, this year's Valentine's would be different... not that I've found a date.. ok.. maybe I've found a date.. with my JOB... rather than previous years where my single friends would play mahjong.. and sigh throughout the game.. or looking through our phonebook.. wondering which girl would be available for a date.. or even daydreaming that one day we'll find the ONE...

Oh well... maybe it's not too bad after all.. I still get to keep my own cash and splurge on things that I like.. rather than burning a hole in my pocket getting flowers and gifts that are overpriced around this time of the year (a way to comfort myself, give me some pride please....) So, it's actually not too bad in a way....

Yeap.. to those of you celebrating this day.. treasure ur loved ones.. and appreciate them.. hope you guys would start a new 'life' in 9 months time (hint: CC)... hehe.. jk...

Post from office (Gong Xi Fa Cai)

2008-02-12T10:50:00.000+11:00

Well, it's been about 2 weeks that I've started working... Well, what can I say (sounds like Shebby Singh)? Earning money is harder than spending money, duh.. so those ppl back in melbourne who are still spending their parents' money, continue doing so till a stage that you are fully satisfied.. then only start working...

I reached office at 7.30 a.m this morning just to beat the jam.. and so that I can blog for all of u... hehe.. see.. I so nice right? Anyways... orientation is going on for this two days.. gosh.. after this would be hell for me.. I'm gonna start work again on wednesday... and this time is the real assignment.. not like the last one.. where I just help out my fellow colleague!

Well.. after my lessons from my first week of work, I no longer wear G2000 when I go back to main office.. I wear something that is not that common, for example.. the Ben Shermen shirt that I got from Melboune.. On another note... I've been eating like... 5 - 6 meals a day during CNY.. so it's back to dieting YET again (that's what I say all the time)..

Btw.. I would like to wish everyone a happy chinese new year, hope you guys are making loads of money and sharing them with me.. to you melbournians.. happy seeing each other everyday till march! Hehe..

Lessons in working life...

2008-02-01T05:04:00.001+11:00

Well..... I'm officially no longer unemployed.. I am currently working at Ernst and Young Malaysia... 2nd day of work.. and I am already thrown on the frontline with my colleague, she has one and a half year's experience... but the project was supposedly to be completed by a senior and an associate one.. not a newbee like me... gosh.. I really do not know shit...

2ndly... to much of u and my disappointment as well, the hot chick that i mentioned already has a bf .. so it's no longer an issue.. guess we should only talk bout work from now on.. no more other rubbish... hahahahhaha... guess somethings are just not meant to be...

3rdly... Never wear G2000 clothes to ur main office.. I wore a stripe shirt for orientation and guess what.. 2 other guys wore the same thing.. they must have thought we were gay couples or some shit like that.. gosh.. G2000 sucks man! SO embarassing!

Fourthly, sacrifice 15 minutes of ur sleep to get to work early! I realize if i leave my house earlier , I can avoid half an hour's worth of jam.. so.. conclusion is wake up at 6.00... and go to work at 6.45.. to u fellow melbournians who are still not working.. enjoy ur student life.. and don't even think about working! working is not that great.. its so routine....

Fifth, never have too much food for lunch.. for the past 3 days.. I had heavy lunch and everytime I come back from lunch.. I just want to go to sleep.. I find myself so unproductive after lunch.. I just feel like going home after lunch!

Sixth, try to leave ur office early!!!!! If u leave late........ U'RE DOOMED.. enjoy a 2-hour ride home...

That's it.. don't ask me bout lunch anymore!

As I bid my farewell...

2007-12-31T05:14:00.000+11:00

For the past 1 year, staring blankly at the the view outside the balcony of the verve apartments has been one of my favourite pastime. It's really calm and soothing after a long day or a great moment of peace before starting the day. Guess this might be the last time, I ever look out those glass doors again.

It's not easy when you realize that you are gonna leave some place you have been for the past three years. Melbourne is not perfect, but I guess it is really a nice place to stay in especially for those who migrate. It's not as quiet as before, but I guess what makes my stay here fun is that I get the freedom I don't get at home like what most of my friends would stay. It is almost impossible for me to get out of my house at wee hours of like 1 a.m or 2 a.m in the morning. Where else, I could do it here...

The past few days was fun-filled with the two new friends I made from Jeannie's graduation, going to the casino, having coffee, going to the beach and just talking rubbish all the time. It makes it even harder to want to just leave without a heavy heart. It just makes me feel like staying here for a bit more longer or at least till new year's over! I want to see the fireworks here as I have never celebrated new years here... man.. what a day to leave.. on new year's eve when all the celebrations are going on! I'll have to celebrate on the plane... I'm not even sure I'm ready to start work, but I know I've gotta do so.. I can't rely on my parents anymore... I need to change (I've said this a million times), I realize I am not really a very responsible person...

Oh well.. what's gotta come has to come... I know it's time for me to go home.. I know I'll be back here some day.. I don't know when.. but I know Melbourne has became my second home.. and if I ever want to move.. Melbourne's the place... I feel like I haven't seen enough of Melbourne... I've not gone to enough places.. Maybe I'm a home person and hardly go around.. even in Melbourne.. I rather spend my weekends lazying off the couch.. or bed... haha.. now I'm regretting..! Gosh...

Anyways, I want to thank of all you Melbournians.. for my great experience here for the past 3 years.. sure it hasn't been all high... but I do treasure the times I've spent with each and everyone of you.. It's been nice knowing all of you.. it's been nice doing random shits together with you guys.. I'm really sorry if I ever did anything or say anything to harm anyone.. (I probably didn't mean it).

Take care everyone and have a great year ahead of you guys! I shall see you guys soon... Ciao!

The future looks bleak for my home...

2007-12-12T09:14:00.000+11:00

It's sad to say.. recent events really has put me to dwell with my decision of going back home. It keeps me thinking whether I have a future back home, whether it is even safe for me to return home. If I had a choice, I would love to bring my family here, but I know that's nearly impossible my parents have lived their life there for the past 60 over years. How do you expect someone to change their style of living after 60 years? Not to mention, they would have tremendous trouble communicating with the people here....

Everytime I look at the local newspapers.. it saddens me.. it keeps me thinking.. it's been a long time.. we have given 'them' enough time and opportunities to catch up with 'us'. It's just that they are slow in a very 'special' way. Why the differences? Why the different treatment? Why the lack of transparency? Why the lack of freedom? Why sending away all your talented people to somewhere else? Who is it to be blamed? The way we are going, we will never achieve what we are supposed to achieve in another 12 years time.. DEVELOPED BY THAT TIME? You must be joking.... The way we do stuffs is no different from our 'neighbours'... such autocracy imposed.. WHAT DEMOCRACY IS THERE?

Deep in my heart right now, I know I'll be back in here some day.. not so soon.. but some day I'll return.. when there is nothing more left back home.. nothing to be proud of.. nothing that will keep me there anymore.. and nothing for me to savour anymore... I can't just think of the present.. I need to think of the future.. I need to think of the future generations.. I want to make a difference back home.. but who am I and what are my abilities to make a change?

It's time to wake up..

2007-12-11T11:06:00.000+11:00

Finally.. I've graduated.. that has been my goal, my dream and my wish for these three years. I finally have joined in the 'elite' group of graduates, well at least that was what I thought. After graduating, I thought, I would be able to do whatever I want from there, boy was I wrong. Being a graduate nowadays doesn't mean much nowadays, graduates are everywhere, it's just like pasar malam goods which are available at anytime any day and being a graduate means that you've only completed a small portion of what you're suppose to achieve in life.

After my exams, I sat down and thought, am I capable enough to compete in such a competitve environment in the future? Do I have enough knowledge, language skills and communication skills to do so? I really doubt it.. I have a lot of plans in my mind.. but I just can't execute it, I want to improve my English, I want to improve my Mandarin, I want to be in real good shape and I want to have a good job, but I just don't know how.

All this while, I've relied on others to help me, provide me with guidance, I guess it's about time, I wake up from my dreams and start rely on myself and measure how far I've improved in these three years time. I can't believe it.. I still have to rely on my sister and kee win to help me with my job application.. I was thinking.. where will I end up if no one ever helped me? Am I really that useless? Am I really not capable at all? I look back at my life.. and realize.. all this while I've never taken the initiative to improve myself.. I've never bothered to read books, read journals, magazines or anything at all.. all I ever did was.. see what is in front of me.. and never looked beyond it... I relied on others to plan for me.. I relied on others to guide me..

When will I grow? Please let me know...

Patience...

2007-11-11T19:32:00.000+11:00

I feel like I'm running out of patience already.. it feels forever before my first paper starts.. it feels like that time is stalled.. ppl are moving way ahead of me.. I'm still stuck at my count of zero exams.. I agree you have more time to study.. but I'm so afraid that I would forget what I study before my exams start...

Oh well.. I shall not complain so much.. I really feel so thankful for being able to sleep peacefully for the past one week.. I hope it will continue to be like this.. no more watching soccer games in the middle of the morning for me! That really screwed up my whole routine.. I'm starting to get use to coming to the library everyday now.. it doesn't feel that bad actually.. at least when I get home.. I know I'm done for the day.. and I can just relax...

I really can't be bothered about grades.. H1.. H2A.. I told myself.. I'm just gonna attempt to do my best.. I won't set targest for myself.. I'm gonna achieve what I can.. it doesn't matter what is the outcome.. as long as I know.. I didn't just waste my time and do nothing.. my method of studying might be wrong.. but hey.. at least I put effort into it.. I could answer daringly to anyone that I actually put effort into this exam.. I have no regrets...

Almost there... almost there...

2007-11-07T15:10:00.000+11:00

Finally.. some good news came in today.. I woke up this morning full of energy... don't know why... I knew it was gonna be a good day.. the sun was bright in the morning.. I switched on the tv..! Liverpool v Besiktas.. I quickly showered and watched the second half.. Boy oh Boy.. if only we play like that week in week out.. we would whoop anyone's ass... even Brazil or Italy or anyone at all.. I reckon.. the width was there.. everything was there.. I really wonder how we lost to Besiktas away...? It's just not possible!!!!!!!

Anyways.. the good news does not stop there.. ! I went to 7-11.. I didn't see anyone there at first.. I thought the free slurpee thing was just some hoax to make me embarass myself to ask for a free slurpee..!! Well, I eventually made myself brave and went in and ask for a free slurpee... the cashier was quiet.. as though he didn't want to give it to me.. but he told me to get a small slurpee in the end..

And then... the dreaded hour.. 1.00 p.m.. finally arrived.. the time that will decide whether I passed my strategic marketing before I sit for the exams.. well.. I didn't pass.. BUT....... I was only 0.5 marks away from passing now..! means.. if they round it up.. I'll PASS!!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is definitely the best piece of news for this whole week! I've never been able to know my fate before my exams.... well.. this is the one and only one and this is good.. Gosh.. thank god.. it was actually a blessing in disguise.. I would have to thank the tutor and lecturer as well! ahhaha...

Anyways.. back to studies.. can't procrastinate... good luck to everyone having exams... especially those having audit this Friday.. almost there.. almost there...... a bit more...... then everything will be done!!!!! YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE!!!!!!!

How bad can your Mondays get..?

2007-11-05T23:15:00.000+11:00

Spending your whole Monday in the library.. is one of the worst things to do.. btw.. this comic strip was published on my birthday in the year of 1986! Gosh..... I seriously can't wait anymore.. I need to finish exams..! I need to..

Mika - Happy ending...

2007-11-02T11:23:00.000+11:00

Wake up in the morning,
Stumble on my life.
Can't get no love without sacrifice.
If anything should happen,
I guess I wish you well.
Mm A little bit of heaven,
With a little bit of hell.

This is the hardest story that I've ever told. (ooooo)
No hope, no love, no glory.
A happy ending gone forever more.
I feel as if I'm wasted,
And I'm wasted everyday.

This is the way you left me.
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No happy ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like its forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Two o'clock in the morning,
Something's on my mind.
Can't get no rest,
Keep walking around.
If I pretend that nothing ever went wrong
I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on.

This is the hardest story that I've ever told. (ooooo)
No hope, no love, no glory.
A happy ending gone forever more.
I fell as if I'm wasted,
And I'm wasted everyday.

This is the way you left me, (Oh I fell as if I'm wasted)
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No happy ending.
This is the way that we love, (And I'm wasted everyday)
Like its forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

I won't backdown..

2007-10-31T12:48:00.000+11:00

The feared time of the year is around the corner again.. EXAMS... somehow or rather sleep is difficult for me during this period of time.. I have trouble gaining good sleep during this time.. I can go to bed at 11 or 12 and end up really falling asleep at about 4-6. I know its weird... But tracking back, I realized my sleeping disorder didn't just suddenly come..

I remember when I was back in Form 5, sometimes I would have trouble sleeping till four or five in the morning while preparing for exams.. I usually drink a large thermos of coffee and can drink up to 6 cups of coffee in a day.. explains why I can't sleep and that I'm a cafeine addict or you can say that I'm abusing cafeine...

Well this time around is no exception.. for the past few days I've had lots of difficulty getting good sleep.. but this time around.. there's no giving up.. I'm gonna do what it takes to finish off this race.. even if it takes me to do things that I refuse to do.. Nothing's gonna stop me from finishing this...

2007-10-21T23:34:00.000+10:00

Special thanks to everyone!
Just would like to thank everyone again.. for coming, helping me clean, cook, preparing....!

Back to reality..

2007-10-21T11:29:00.000+10:00

Well.. after two days of a dream..... it's finally back to reality.. Haha.. sometimes.. I feel birthdays are like that.. you have a day of a dream.. and next day you're back to reality.... you have to start worrying bout studies and tutes.. and etc!

Anyways.. I would like thank everyone who showed up at the party and everyone who helped me prepare, cook, clean up and showering me with presents.. Thanks a lot.. It was a memorable 21st birthday.. One because I got drunk.. within 1 or 2 minutes of a tequla shot mixed with beer.. courtesy of kenny chua.. two.. cause this might be my last time celebrating my birthday some of the people here in Melboune... at this stage.. it's already quite clear that I'll be celebrating my next birthday in M'sia...

Well.. birthdays used to be really quiet for me.. when I was back home.. as it was usually near some major exams.. and I have to wait till November to celebrate my b'day.. haha.. gosh.. well.. over this 3 years.. my birthdays has never been short of quiet.. in fact.. I have a big bunch of friends celebrating with me... and I'm really thankful of that...! However, I've been passing out for my past two birthdays.. gosh.. my tolerance is just so bad..

Once again.. thanks a lot to everyone.. and thanks a lot for the presents and help you guys provided for me..! I really appreciate it.. and sorry for passing out for 2 hours and not being able to say goodbye to some of you before you leave.. really sorry!

The taste of summer..

2007-10-18T18:51:00.000+10:00

Damn.. this is my 100th post.. considering that I have started blogging for well over a year and this is my 100th post.. shows that I'm a lazy bugger... hahahahhaha.. Anyways.. today's weather was the perfect weather.. It hit 29 degrees and everything was just lively and it's nice to be at outdoors... Most importantly... the season for chicks to dress up in their hot attires finally arrived.. boy I swear.. how I wished everyday was like this till the end of next week.. which is my final week...

Thinking about it.. I won't be able to see hot chicks everyday next time when I go to work... haha.. I'll probably see one or two a day.. but not as many as over here.. seriously.. there are a lot of pretty girls in University of Melbourne... just that.. you'll never get to know them.. unless you're thick face enough to just ask them for their name or phone number... and thinking of my work place.. the majority of the people there would be much older than me.. either in their late 20s or early 30s.. gosh.. even if they were hot.. they'll either be married or already have a bf..

Oh well.. such is working life.. and you'll never get to see such a huge quantity of chicks in a day at your workplace!

Random dreams...

2007-10-15T20:09:00.000+10:00

For the past one week.. I've been having random dreams.. it started off with a dream that kaiyau *touchwood 1st* met an accident and crushed this small boy and broke him into two parts... damn random... joanna and jaclyn was in the car too.. After that, I dreamt that I was having a war with my friend who used to be my enemy during school days... I used a bazooka and blasted my last few shots at him and his army.. I had to hide after that... EVEN MORE RANDOM....

Then two days ago.. I dreamt that my dad and his friends had to go to jail for tresspassing my school *touchwood again*.. he drove his car into the school compound and had to go to jail... gosh.. and the highlight was yesterday.. I dreamt of small little baby ghosts... gosh.. if I've not mistaken ler.. I can't really remember.. but it was along those lines.. I really don't know what's wrong with my dreams.. conclusion is.. one you're awake from ur sleep.. dun sleep again.. u usually get nightmares or bad dreams...

Well.. back to reality.. exams are approximately 29 days from today.. and I haven't started doing anything.. this week is gonna be very busy.. have a lot of stuffs to do and settle and need to finalise my job application.. and like what daniel said on his blog.. flare dance was really good.. not only because the chicks were hot.. but also the performances were good.. I particularly liked the cops and robbers dance cos I find it the most entertaining one and easy too understand.. other acts were really good as well.. jus tht I find it hard to understand... maybe dance is really a complicated art... flare dance reminds me of my school days when I was a Leo Club member and I had to perform in a hip hop dance.. I remember testing my senior's patience.. cos I really was like a 'kayu.'

Anyways.. have a great week!

Did You Know..?

2007-10-12T12:56:00.000+10:00

While tax law is annoying in terms of its assignments, I find it quite an interesting subject, there are a lot of things that I never knew why is actually explained by that subject... For example, did you all know that an employer is the one who gets taxed when he brings out employees for a meal and not the employee who is the recipient. Funny thing is, if you take away the food and consume it in the tax office, it might be exempted or deductible! Besides that, funny things like.. if an employee gets a whole pizza, then it would be taxable for the employer, and if its one slice for each employee then it is not taxable! GOosh.. really... and if you really wanna reduce tax for providing cars to your employees, just get your employee to drive around and go anywhere he/she wants in the company car so that it would reach a certain mileage and the tax would be reduced!

Other ridiculous stuffs are like GST, did you know that unprocessed food is GST-free..? Roasted nuts would be charged with GST, while unroasted nuts would not be charged with GST... I always thought that the price difference was due to roasted and unroasted.. little did I know that once you roast the nuts.. you need to pay for GST.. And anything that is sugar-coated has to be charged with GST... SO.. does that explain why Krispy Kreme has all its donuts sugar-coated..? Haha, I guess not.. and DAMN IT.. they even charged GST for bread with sugar coating and maybe if you eat those wholegrain bread.. it might also be charged with GST.. in other words.. just freaking it plain bread..! Quite ridiculous some of the stuffs that are included in this subject...

So ladies n gentleman, next time you know wat to do.. buy ur meat and vegetables raw, eat doughnuts without sugar coating, if you have a company car, make sure you drive it around everyday and travel around with it...! Do not eat roasted nuts! You are better off roasting it yourself.. If you are an employer, only give your employee one slice of pizza and never allow them to bring anything home!

Farewell..

2007-10-02T21:39:00.000+10:00

Well, looks like everything has to come to an end..... a story's gotta have an ending so does one's life. The family friend that I mentioned about in the last passed away today, at 5.00 a.m in the morning. It's a great loss to both her family and my family as well. I'm saddenned by the fact that I do not get to see her before she leaves. It might still be a good thing though, as her prettiest sight would be the one that is kept in my memory... She's been really nice towards my family and I.. I will always remember her.. for the random restaurants and places to eat that she brought us to...

I will always remember her for being one of the kindest friend that my father's had.. I will remember her for her strong character, never giving up.. and never back down from her disease for third time... I will always remember the afternoon coffee that I always have with her... I wished I had a picture of her.. but I really don't remember taking any pictures with her... I feel sad.... but I know.. everyday she's alive means a whole lot of pain to her... I know she would be better off leaving..

Her death reminds me.. that everyone has to go through the cycle of life and death.. Her death reminds me that our life has been destined since the day we were born.... It reminds me what is the most important thing in my life.. So farewell.. my beloved friend..... you'll be in my prayers..

Little did I know..

2007-09-20T14:22:00.000+10:00

It's quite a surprise that things can turnover in such a short period of time. Whenever I was back in Malaysia, my dad's friends usually treat me really well especially this auntie who is a florist. Whenever I'm home, she usually brings us out for meals at random places that we would never have gone by ourselves. She has a really strong character, she never gave up when she had cancer.. she fought it twice.. she managed to overcome it...

However, during chinese new year this year, she was diagnosed with cancer again for the third time. The first doctor she went sort of indicated to her that she had no hope and she was ready to join the Hospis organization ( I don't know how you spell it). Well, thankfully she got another doctor and the doctor told her she could still go for chemo. For those of you who don't know what chemo is, it is a painful treatment for cancer patients. They require the patience and determination throughout the treatment. It's not easy, you get nauseated, you feel sick and you even lose your hair.. but she never gave up.. she could still put on a smile eventhough it was painful.. she never want to show people that she was weak...

Well, despite all her determination and strength, after her last chemo treatment, the doctors realize that her cancer cells could not be controlled and that this time it could be terminal.. A few weeks ago, she was hospitalized, her hands couldn't move, she still smiled, she still told everyone she was alright. She came out and was hospitalized again two nights ago.. her hands and stomache swelling this time. The doctors told her.. she would live for another 6 months..

Sometimes, if I was the patient, I'd rather doctors not tell me how long I would live for.. it's just painful to hear.. I'd rather live in denial and just go on... I really wonder what's on her mind.. whether she thinks that she has still a lot to do, a lot of places she wants to go, about the so many things that she has to leave behind.. but I guess.. she already anticipated it.. and she's prepared.. Since her 2nd reouccurence, she told us.. everyday she lived was like a gift from heaven.. she didn't know when god would just take this 'gift' away..

The last time I met her was during winter break.. I really do not know whether I'll have a chance to meet her again.. I really hope I would.. All I could do now is pray for her and hope that she would not feel so much pain..Well, this incident makes me realize even more that sometimes we need to make sacrifices for the people close to us and not only think about our own future, our own well-being or running away from our responsibilities.. I know and I'm sure... I've not made the wrong decision.. and I know I've got to treasure the people around me.. for you'll never know.. when they'll leave u..

A tribute to those who sufferred in September 11..

2007-09-11T17:07:00.000+10:00

Well, September 11.. the day 6 years ago where Osama had his 'jihad' warriors to crash into the World Trade Center.. and the Pentagon.. causing trauma and fear into the citizens of New York City and Washington....

Aihhss... I wonder why some people has to have their birthdays on such a sad day..... hahahahhahahaha.. jk jk.. Anyways.. Happy Birthday Sheanee Poh...!!! You're old.. you're 20 man.. gosh...! Haha..... I can say that for another month.. realize that..? Hehe.. anyways.. have a good one and take some time off your 40% essay and celebrate!

I couldn't find a good picture of you alone.. so this will do.. hehe

On another note, I'll be watching the Australia v Argentina game at MCG.. pictures up later!

Future..?

2007-09-09T20:54:00.000+10:00

It seems like on most ppl's blog is talking about what to do in future.. haha.. everyone seems as lost.. is that what we call.. pre-graduation crisis..? This weekend has been dreadful.. I've spent two days in the law library.. completing the law assignment.. I'm so so so so so.. looking forward to next week.. I know it ain't gonna be much better.. I've got EPM and the marketing assignment to do.. but at least.. it's holidays! Get a breather.... and catch up with work at the same time..

I feel third year is definitely the hardest.... among all my study years.. who the hell ever told me that university was honeymoon life? Well, it's honeymoon life if you don't care.. other than tht.. uni life is really tough.. even commerce students like me who only have 12 hours.. feels stretched to the max certain times.. this is because we are no longer spoon fed.. we are no longer told what to do.. they just give it to u.. u do it.. if u don't know how to do it.. u get it..

Well.. that's the harshness of uni life... I feel like sometimes you just run out of steam along the way.. and wanna give up.. but you somehow drag yourself till you're done.. I'm not better than a lot of ppl.. but I think at least I put in effort in doing something... some ppl just give up on themselves... and just go downhill from there..... they never pick themselves up again.. they blame it on under elements..... they blame it on other ppl.... but I don't understand why they nvr blame themselves and start over again..? It just puzzles me....

I know they have issues.. but everyone has issues.. don't they..? Anyways... I'm praying hard.... everything goes on smoothly for me.. for the next 2-3 months till I end my time here... and go back to somewhere.. I call 'home.'

Tea with honey

2007-09-07T00:52:00.000+10:00

It's surprising how good tea tastes with honey.... hmmm... give it a try next time when you're up doing your assignments or sutdying or whatsoever.. a good substitute for sugar! Well.. anyways.. the tax law assignment is really a pain in the ass.. haha.. Before I attended university and college, I always thought the books would be as thick and heavy as a telephone book.. Well through out the years.. the textbooks weren't that thick.. but finally this semester.. the thickness of both the tax law books are probably 1.5 of a telephone book. Gosh.. can u imagine how much material u have to cover, if u were to cover the legislations, the textbook, the lecture notes and not to mention the tutorials! I think u'll go crazy!

Anyways, derivatives mid-sem finally ended, I spent the night before that with my eyes open till 6 a.m in the morning, I really need to and I'm desperate to rectify this problem. I think this is a disorder they call anxiety.. anxiety of assessments to be specific or in my case.. anxiety of EXAMS! Haha.. maybe the stress is really on for me.. I'm really desperate to graduate and take a good break.. but oh well.. which uni student does not want to graduate? Will seriously wanna rectify this problem before my finals.. any suggestions anyone..?

Well.... looks like the two week break that I've been waiting for is coming next week.. but.. I guess I've got lots to catch up during that break and hope I don't bum around and get nothing done within that two weeks.. I got two assignments worth 30% due on October 5th.. seriously.. life as a uni student is not easy.... I'm not saying working life will be easier.... at least I'm paid for it right..? haha... Anyways, have a fun-filled weekend everyone!

First Hurdle...

2007-09-04T18:12:00.000+10:00

Well, just came back from library, had a hardcore study session on derivatives.. tomorrow is the 30% worth mid-sem.. it's only on 3 lectures.. which worries me a lot.. cos u need to know ur stuffs inside out.. I'm sort of ready.. but still nervous some how.. had difficulty sleeping again last night.. I wonder what the bloody hell is wrong with me.. everytime have difficulty sleeping especially near this big occassions.. really hope I could find some remedy to sleep well everyday...ARGHHHHHH

This marks my very first major hurdle, testing on how much time I've spent on studying this subject and getting ready for it.... It's already week 7 it's like more than half of the way already.. I'm really anxious to get to the finish line of the race.. so that I can finally rest, relax, take a good 3 month break, restore everything back to normal.. without having to think about anything.. not even job applications or etc... I just want a break...

I really don't care about being rich.. I really don't care about having a really outstanding future.. becoming a CEO earning hundreds of thousands of dollars.. I don't care if people say I'm wasting my parents money or my family next time would not have a good future.. we don't know about the future.. so why not just concentrate on the present... I just wanna be happy and do what I really want and be at where I really want... that's all..

Happy 50th Birthday

2007-08-31T14:16:00.000+10:00

Despite your imperfections..

Despite your unfairness...

Despite your under-development...

Despite your different treatments...

Despite you forcing us to move away...

Despite everything...

Happy 50th birthday....

I could only hope things gets better from here on.. I hope... I hope..

Flashes of the past..

2007-08-27T20:04:00.000+10:00

Yesterday while I was trying to sleep, flashes of my past.. came to me like a slideshow, started from my first year in Clunies, Greycourt my high school days and my primary days. It was exactly like a slideshow that were playing on my mind. Well, I realized while my life is monotonous, but it does had its good times...

My year in Clunies was probably the best one in my 3 years in Melbourne. Being the new kid on the block, everything seems new, everything seems fresh, everything seems fun! The crazy stuffs that we used to do, the crazy moments and everything.. Well, as time goes by, everything mellows down, things change, our thinking changes, we take different paths in our life.. Along the way, we lose some company, we gain some... but the memories last I guess..

We try to erase what's painful, we get rid of them.. so that.. when the slideshow appears on your mind, it's a happy one, one that you wish to see all the time, one that you would smile at and realize how reckless you were but yet you had fun being reckless.

Somehow along the way, you become less reckless, you know you have a responsibility, you realize you are here to get a certain job done. You realize you no longer could be ignorant and think of your own needs. You know that your decision affect others.. you know that you must complete what you ought to do, you think about your future and what's coming for you.

Well I guess, becoming older means losing some of the things that you used to enjoy doing and extra responsibilities. I think this is what everyone faces in their life, a path that they could never avoid, it's just like you know the road is full obstacles as you walk on.. but somehow you need to walk on.. as there might be a beautiful path after the obstacle.. somewhere out there.. there's something waiting for you.. is that what we call.. Destiny..?

Beautiful Weather....

2007-08-25T19:58:00.000+10:00

Today's weather was one of the best in recent days.. I've always been craving for such a weather.. not too warm.. not too cold.. and most importantly.. sunny.. it makes your day.. much more beautiful and not so gloomy. If I were to pick a season to get rid of.. I would get rid of winter.. cold, wet, and gloomy. Makes you feel like not doing anything and just cuddle yourself up in ur blanket...

Today's weather makes you feel like going out.. doing some outdoor activities.. play some footy.. picnic.. or anything at all.. How I wish everyday's weather was like today's one..

Anyways.. week 6 next week... half way throught.. my last 6 weeks of uni.. hopefully.. haha.. I'll need a long break before I actually want to do postgrad or anything at all.. Time to get into the groove.. time to start studying hard and complete this final lap...

All the hype about commerce ball ended on Thursday.. it wasn't a bad event I supposed.. good time to take some good photos with your close friends.. as I put back my suit into the wardrobe.. I was thinking.. the next time I'm wearing this would be my graduation.. haha.. well.. all I can say.. that 100 bucks was worth it.. no matter how shitty the afterparty was.. haha.. it was time well spent with all my friends.. like what Veron said.. the next time we'll be doing something crazy like this is at someone's wedding.. I really wonder.. whose invitation will I get 1st..? hehe.. Ken n CC, Veron n CK.. or maybe we're in for a surpirse...? Haha....

Well, I wished my weekends were longer.. then I could do so much more.. I could go for the musical.. I could go watch footy.. I could go play soccer or basketball.. and I could play poker and watch Liverpool play..... there's just too much to do.. but don't know where to find the time.. I'm torn between having fun and working hard!

Anyways.... keep having lots of fun !

Easily satisfied.. ambition-less or just weak..?

2007-08-09T21:41:00.000+10:00

As time passes by, I realize my desire to succeed in life or to have more in life declines. For me now, I think that nothing is more important than a cup of coffee in the morning, having my favourite teh tarik or teh special ( this tea mixed with goat's milk.. damn it's good!), playing futsal or basketball at least once a week, my weekly dosage of the EPL, watching my hong kong drama everyday and not to mention accompanying my parents every now and then.

If you realized, the thing I mentioned above is nothing related to my future at all.. haha.. I never thought of what job should I be doing, how much money I would be earning a month or which company (in particular which big 4) will I be working for. All these things hardly come to my thoughts and all I ever thought of was just to complete my course and to see where I'll go from there... everytime someone asks me.. what you gonna do or have you applied for a job.. my answer will be.. " I don't know.. wait till I graduate and I'll see where I go from there.."

Without realizing it, it's already the end of week 3 and the start of week 4 is just days away, meaning that I'm 1/4 of my way through my last semester of uni. As usual, it feels like I've just landed at Tullamarine just a while ago. I realize as time passes by, I need more of my 'alone' time, I prefer to have more space for myself. I don't know whether it's good or it's bad.. sometimes loneliness kicks in with this changed attitude of mine.. I'm trying really hard to be strong and not to break down again under stress or whatsoever.. I'm already 21, this is my last chance.. my very last chance.. to be able to stand up on my on feet.. and to show some results...

Css Ball...

2007-08-07T00:09:00.000+10:00

Sudden cold, sudden hot, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, I think I'm sick.. but I just can't go to bed... I had lik 5 hours plus of sleep for two consecutive days... thanks to the commerce ball.. Daniel and I were the earliest to start queuing on Sunday! We were so kind that we let someone else get to the front of the que.. Well, hats off to Daniel, he initially wanted to stay there fore 24 hours, I wonder if anyone else would ever wanted to do that. He planned everything worked out the shifts and on top of it.. stayed the longest there in the cold.. trust me.. it was cold.. And hats off also to Damien who accompanied Daniel throughout the night..these are two people who are not obliged to stay there overnight for any reason.. but they chose to do so...

Anyways, something that I always tried hindering has finally backfired.. well.. my bad.. after all who are we to judge or talk about what other people do.. when I personally can't handle my life perfectly.. I am no one to ever judge what others do.. they do things for a reason.. they won't do it if they do not have a reason I guess... and they won't keep it a secret if they have no reason to do so.. So, like I've said this many times.. Well, I'll say it again, I would like to apologise to those that I've tried to interfere about their judgements and things they do in their personal lives.. I'll try my best not to repeat it again.. you guys can choose not to tell me anything.. I won't ask and I won't blame anyone.. for after all.. it was my mistake.. Sorry for being a busybody and such a gossip bastard, I know what I should do..

I figured out for a long time in the shower today, I figured out that my time here at Melbourne never really took off.. my heart lies somewhere else.. Maybe I'm just not right for Melbourne.. not the other way round.. I already know deep inside.. my decision end of this year.. I make plans.. but never work them out.. I screwed up a couple of things here and there.. I broke down in pain last semester.. I regret over and over again the things that I knew I should have done.. I fear for the worst that could happen.. yeah.. you can say I have no ambition.. I'm selfish.. I'm a coward... daddy and mommy's little boy... but to me.. nothing's more important than my family.. my future can wait..

Shit.. I'm just too lazy...

2007-08-04T20:33:00.001+10:00

It seems like blogging is a seasonal thing to me. There are times that I can put on 4-5 posts in a week and there are times that I just go missing for months! Well, it's not like I do not want to blog, but it's just that sometimes it's really hard to find interesting stuffs to write about. Anyways, 2 weeks of uni just passed by like a gust of wind. This is the final semester.. it's like a final 50m run in a 200m race, you just don't want to fuck up and you want to cross the finishing line regardless you win the race or not...

As usual, I've been doing stuffs that I've been doing all the time.. watching my tvb series (shit... damn ah pek!), playing some basketball, going to gym, playing poker and TRYING to study ( the keyword is trying!). My life is just too monotonous.. it feels like I'm repeating what I do everyday.. again and again and again! The fact is.. I'm a lazy ass.. I have time but I just do not know how to cramp so many things in a day! Unlike certain people, who can cramp different activities in a day.. sports,going out with friends, going uni and studying at the same time.. shit.. I really want to be like them.. so energetic all the time!

Well, I realize that things hasn't really change for me, I still can't decide wth I'm gonna do with my future, my grades haven't improve tremendously, still a gossip king as ever (eventhough I'm out of IH), still as lazy as ever, still as pessimistic and boring as ever.. Yeap.. that's me.. Kee Hong Tan!

A picture paints a thousand words...

2007-05-31T13:39:00.000+10:00

Kenny Sia was promoting this blog and I find the posts quite cute and unique compared to all the other blogs I've seen before.. so.. yeah.. if you have time to procrastinate.. go have a look at her blog.. she even drew a picture of that guy that blurblur has on her msn display pic in princess hours..

Btw.. did you all know.. that it's gonna rain for the next 4 days.. and the maximum temperature is 15 degrees..? Gosh.. gloomy days coming by.. and it has to happen during exam period!

Another home sick post...

2007-05-30T22:09:00.000+10:00

Well.. it's the time of the year again.. exam time.. and this is the time that makes me think of home the most.. The time when you have others sharing your worry with you eventhough they are not taking your exams.. the time when you actually have someone caring all your other wellfare besides studying.. you don't have to worry about washing your clothes, cooking your meals, doing your own grocery and find your own way to the exam venue...

That explains it.. I'm a wooze.. haha.. I'm mommy and daddy's little boy.. well.. I really miss being young sometimes.. at least you have less worries.. at least you don't have that much burden.. In a year's time, I would have to start worrying about paying my phone bills, car loan, installments, installments and more installments! Gosh.. I really can't imagine.. how it would be.. What happenned to those days.. when all you needed to worry about is attending school and getting good grades..? I guess.. we are all grown ups now.. it's time.. we take over some burden from our parents and let them be happy from now on.. that's what that's keep me going.. that's the only thing on my mind.. reducing their financial burden by end of this year.. so that they don't have to worry about me anymore.. and maybe it's time for me to repay them.. for raising me.. and providing me with all I ever need.. what more could I ask for..?

I really hope that sometimes.. someone back home would ever stumble upon this blog.. so that they'll know how much I miss home.. it's hard for me to tell just how much i miss home to them.. I'm just too egoistic to tell my family members how much I wish I was home..

Oh well.. ramblings and ramblings.. maybe it's the weather.. it's making me feel really cold.. maybe it's the stress of coming thus far this semester and not wanting to just stop here.. whatever it is.. I really need some warmth now... time to switch on the heater..

On another note...

2007-05-28T21:43:00.000+10:00

Happy belated 21st birthday to my bimbotic friend.. CC Yeoh.. thanks for being there in lectures and having arguments with me.. hehe

Strive..

2007-05-28T21:30:00.000+10:00

Well.. it seems like... my last post was really pessimistic and all.. I guess it's hard to change sometimes.. since that post... I've been in a lot of debates about the existence of an idealistic world in everyone.. and in most of the arguments.. I tend to have sidetracked and said some bull shit I never meant to say.. I think that sometimes I'm too studborn and only accept my own view.. that is.. Kee Hong's conservative principles of life.. I guess.. yeah... everyone has their own ideal world and everyone strives for it.. but does it really happen..? I don't know..

On another note.. guess my efforts paid off.. or maybe I'm lucky.. I worked slightly harder compared to last semester.. and the results from all my mid-sems and assignments were quite encouraging.. I've never had this feeling before.. it's like the same feeling I had in first year first semester.. just that this time around.. I had to make much more sacrifices.. well.. that bring me to another issue.. does your effort in everything always pays off..? Or the more effort you put in.. the more you expect.. and the more disappointed you get when things don't go your way... Well.. I hope it does.. a week more from my first paper.. and I hope to strive on.. and achieve something this time around...

Well.. last friday marks an end to Semester One of year 3, this semester is really a different experience for me.. learning more stuffs, accepting new cultures of lifestyle, learning more about my friends and the stuff that I never knew they would do.. Well.. I guess, what matters the most is you're happy with what you do.. life is about being selfish anyways sometimes.. All in all, I feel that I have been more disciplined..more focused.. my thoughts do not wander around that much anymore, I've stopped seeking for idealistics.. I'm down to earth.. I don't know whether that's a good thing.. but it keeps me focused.. well.. that's the most important part for now.. the rest can wait..

Anyways.. good luck in studying to everyone.. I hope my recent posts has not bore anyone or brought in any negative thoughts to everyone.. like I said before.. everything's a phase.. everyone has phases.. it just depends whether they move on..

It's hard to be me..

2007-05-20T12:29:00.000+10:00

Sometimes I find it hard to be myself.. a person juggling so many thoughts in my mind.. It feels hard worrying about studies, assignments, chores, lectures, tutorials and going to the gym. The fact that I'm a pessimist and a person with low self-esteem makes things even worse.. sometimes a person like me can find it really hard to pass a day without even being paranoid.. I feel like.. I'm the exact person my dad is.. he's is paranoid all the time and worries bout small little stuffs like me.. being robbed or kidnapped on the way home from mamak, my sister not calling back from work to tell him that she's coming back soon, whether the shower heater has been switched off when leaving the house, whether the car has been locked when he left the car, whether all the doors in the house are properly locked, a mysterious phone call from no one, and also every single bark that the dog makes at night.. sometimes, I feel it for him.. cos I'm just like him..

It's not easy being like that.. when everything you ever thought of was the negative side of a situation.. the negative consequences of a decision.. everytime during an exam.. I triple check the MCQ paper.. to make sure I did not mark on the MCQ paper wrongly.. and sometimes.. when I have no time to check my student ID.. I get worried that I might have written my name wrongly.. I get worried about the tutor and lecturers know that I gave them a bad review in the QOT.. ok I was a bit mean there.. but I was merely telling the truth... I worry bout giving out my name and date of birth to the telemarketer.. I worry and worry and worry all day.. for stupid things..

Not to mention.... I worry what people think of me.. whether they are pissed off with me or whatsoever.. I'm skeptical of human behaviour.. I'm vary of their actions.. I analyse them.. before I trust them.. I don't merely trust them.. I'm skeptical of true love.. and trust in more material stuffs like money.. I believe nothing is more important than the love,care and attention u get from your family.. so I try to give everything I have to them.. I believe you might just walk out on the street one day and get knock down by car.. I worry when I rush by a traffic light that is turning red.. worrying whether I got the ticket.. U can call people like me being a realist.. but sometimes.. it's not easy.. it really is not easy to be me..

Humanity and its downfall..

2007-05-13T11:22:00.000+10:00

Well, it has been quite a while since I wrote something.. I think blogging is sort of seasonal.. haha.. u tend to blog a lot during a certain period of time and then you just decide that you're too lazy to blog and just stop blogging for a while.. Well.. all I can say is.. nothing much has happenned.. during this few weeks..... a lot of birthdays coming up.. and to those who I haven't really have a blog entries for your birthdays ( Raymond, Veronica & Isaac).. I would like to wish all of you.. HAPPY GETTING OLD! Hahahahhahaha... Hope you guys enjoy becoming old.. jk jk.. I'm becoming old soon also lerrr.. and I can feel it... ehhe.. well hope you guys had fun on your birthdays...

Talking bout humanity, I was on my way to Max Brenner's yesterday to have a drink with Damien, Sheanee, 24, Ashley and Jo.. I met this chinese guy probably in his 40's or 50's.. behind a dark alley.. he asked me for money as he had lost his wallet and he needed money for bus fare.. for one moment.. I really wanted to give him some money.. but I really thought.. was it wise to do so..? I really thought it might have been real.. at the same time.. I didn't want to be conned.. Besides that, I really didn't want him to do not want him to think that he could do it to others as well.. It was weird.. he saw two caucasian ladies walking in front.. he didn't ask money from them.. but me.. well.. maybe because I was alone and I was Asian.. I felt quite bad after that.. as I thought.. he might have told the truth.. but yet again.. what are the chances right..? It's hard to tell.. It's already hard enough to giv 100% trust to people you know.. needless to say.. it's almost impossible to believe someone you don't know..

Oh well, it just shows.. how weak humanity is and how weak trust is between human beings.. Well.. as I'm writing this blog.. I felt even worse.. as he was an Asian.. and for an Asian without much money or knowledge to survive in Australia.. it isn't an easy thing.. they don't get any unemployment benefits or whatsoever.. Aihhhsss.. I'm just confused.. I was quite afraid that he might just take out a knife and point it at me.. gosh.. that would have been frightening..

Mourinho for stand up comedy... WHY NOT..? He's funny

2007-05-02T22:31:00.000+10:00

Well.. I was contemplating whether I should get up at 4.45 in the morning as I went to bed at about 3.00 a.m this morning. The noise of the wind outside the Verve Apartments just annoys my sleep.... It sounds like someone is constantly flapping it's large wings or some lousy banner hanging outside the apartment is being constantly blown by the wind.. it was neither.. it was just the sound of the wind.. gosh... it was annoying.. maybe it's the positioning of the building that makes it even worse.. sometimes the wind noises coming from my neighbours sound as though that the apartment is haunted.. the noise is just annoying and could be freaky at times.. our main door has the ability of opening and closing by itself if it's not locked.. how amazing..!?

Anyways, I just can't stand Mourinho being a soar loser.. he is too arrogant that he lost in a semi-final CL against Liverpool.. he said Chelsea was the better team and that they were more eager to win the match in the 120 minutes.. Well.. it just amazes me considering Liverpool had two goals disallowed and a header hitting the crossbar.. so.. Which team were more eager to win..? He just can't accept the fact that the Anfield crowd was just too passionate for his players.. The Chelsea team basically put Drogba in front and just kept putting long balls into his path.. hoping that he could lay it off to Joe Cole or Kalou.. or getting lucky by scoring.. I guess that was just not the day for one of the dirtiest player in premiership.. If there was someone who could compete with Cristiano Ronaldo in term's of diving.. I would say that person is Drogba.. Well.. back to Mourinho.. so much for his quadruple of trophies.. I think the only cup he would get is the Carling Cup which is like the size of a urinal compared to the CL or the premiership.. He just amuses me by calling Liverpool a small club.. just a reminder.. Liverpool have won 5 Champions League and are on a good position to win a 6th one.. and Liverpool's trophy cabinet is probably 5 times larger than Chelsea.. so I guess.. Mourinho should just become a stand up comedian.. cos he's sarcastically funny!

Random blabbing

2007-05-01T17:56:00.000+10:00

Yawnzzzzzzzz... I'm really finding it hard to write something interesting here.. as my life isn't that interesting as I would say. Today audit mid-semester results were released and I wasn't too impressed but wat the heck.. it's only 10% and I shall not stress about it and concentrate on my audit assignment to catch back the marks that I've lost. TIMETABLE FOR EXAMS ARE OUT..! I have exams on the 6th, 12,13 and 15th of June.. the timetable is kinda bad.. but I like the fact that I'm ending the pain early.. but another question pops up.. wat the hell am I gonna do after exams...? Central Australia..? Adelaide.. or Tasmania? Well, if i get the free ticket from the IH cafe' night I would definitely head to Europe or the States.. but what are the chances..?

Well.. I can foresee a lazy winter break.. where all I do is go to the gym.. watch tonnes and tonnes of TVB series and maybe start watching some English series just to improve my English.. haha.. what an entertaining way to improve my English..! I really don't know what else could I do.. any suggestions or any plans guys..? New Zealand sounds interesting...... but I'm quite sure I'll be dead broke after that.. a winter vacation job..? NAH.. look at my lazy face.. you think I'll ever want to work..? Heck.. if I had a choice.. I would be sitting and just waiting for money to grow on trees or come out from my poop.. haha..

Btw, I won't be surprised to see the buildings at Putrajaya back in Malaysia just starts to collapse one after another.. the recent happenings at Putrajaya just amuses me and probably the rest of the Malaysians.. How could a state of the art building in one of the most important place in the country have ceilings collapse and pipes bursting after barely one or two years..? This just shows that Malaysians know how to build something and never knew how to maintain it.. just look at the Bukit Jalil Sports complex.. need I say more..? Or is it Malaysians are just plain ignorant until something major happens...? Well.. I don't know..

Weekends sure pass by fast.. but don't worry.. I got another one coming up.. hehe

2007-04-29T13:49:00.000+10:00

Well, seems like.. life at uni is life on the fast track.. in the space of two weeks I completed for mid-sems worth a total of 100%. I wouldn't say I did brilliantly this time around.. but I'm much more prepared for it compared to previous two years.. I guess the fact that I moved out of IH has given me more time compared to the previous semesters. But oh well, IH was a good experience. I went back to IH for basketball yesterday and I really enjoyed it.. miss those moments.. haha, I'll be looking forward to more basketball games and soccer games back at IH some time soon. Oh yeah, cafe preview is next week.. maybe it's catch up time with all those people back at IH!

Anyways, I've got another auditing assignment due by Friday this coming week. Well, hopefully I can get it done much earlier. And for those of you who are wondering where my last post went, really sorry, it was just a moment of irrationality, I felt like I was whining like a kid in that post and I really couldn't stand myself, so I've decided to delete it. I guess life is always subject to other people's criticism and constant judgement. Well, all those criticisms and judgements should only make you stronger instead of backing down. I guess I just have to accept those criticsms and move on with life.

Next week is week 9 already! I really can't believe it.. can someone tell me.. why time is passing by so fast.....? I felt like I just boarded the plane from KL and landed Melbourne yesterday. Gosh.. please slow down time.... I need more time!

Lift...

2007-04-17T02:06:00.000+10:00

Sometimes it hurts when you strive to pursuit your dreams and ambitions..
Sometimes it hurts when you expect more of your life..
And all you ever get was disappointments after disappointments
Sometimes it's hard to be perfect when you know you'll never be...
Sometimes it's hard to get up when you fall...
It's even harder when you have to get up by yourself..
Sometimes you wanna change who you are...
but you know you can't be any better..
Sometimes it's not easy to stay focus on what you have to do..
you tend to sidetrack along the way..
Sometimes it's painful when you push yourself too far...
Sometimes it's pointless to regret your wrongdoings in your past..
It can only be a guide for you to be better in the future..
Sometimes.. you know you have a limited amount of time left..
to prove yourself to the world who you are and what you're capable of..
Sometimes..
I know I gotta be stronger than this.. and just close the book and start again..
you gotta lift..

Pokerstars.net F*cking hates me...

2007-04-16T03:35:00.000+10:00

It's half past 3 in the morning, I really wanna sleep but I really can't... some how my sleeping times are screwed again over the easter holidays... and there's just so much stuff going through my mind and not to mention the information overload I got from studying for four subjects.. Well...today marks the end of my easter holidays.. not to say I really had one.. all I f*cking did was stayed in my f*cking room for the whole f*cking easter and f*cking studied and procrastinate (note i put the asterix.. in case blogspot decides to ban me too...) Gosh.. it feels like the only breather time I got was when I go out for dinners.. boy was I looking forward to dinner time..

Anyways.. I was playing online poker at pokernet.stars the other day and I got f*cking agitated by another player and started swearing and saying stuffs bout him...... and since then.. I freaking lost everytime I played.. I wonder if pokernet.stars blacklisted me or something.. I never knew that you get banned from the chatting function when you swear or intend to swear.. They were damn efficient.. they sent me an e-mail 5 minutes after I sweared.. damn...

Here's the e-mail from them:

Subject : Chat Policy Violation

Hello jobless84,
We are writing to inform you that we have suspended your chat privilege for 3 hours as a result of your chat on 2007/04/12. The use of vulgarity when addressing another player is not allowed. When asterisks are seen during chatting, it is a warning that what is being put into the chatbox is not allowed. Using spaces or other characters, or otherwise defeating the censor is a violation of the Card Room Rules. At the end of 3 hours, your chat will automatically be reinstated. There is no need to write to support. Our goal at PokerStars is to be a fun place to play, where everyone can feel comfortable. Abuse and other disruptions to the games takes away from everyone's enjoyment, and therefore will not be tolerated. We thank you for your cooperation.

Regards,
PokerStars Chat Moderation Team

The following chat was observed:
ur mum's a babi
there's where u idiots send ur money there
look up at the dictionary dic..
i dowanna be ****heads

OK... fine.. I was vulgar.. but no need to make me lose every pot I PLAY...... DAMN...

The different side turned one yesterday...

2007-04-14T14:00:00.000+10:00

Without me realizing it, The Different Side turned one yesterday. I realized it after midnight.. and I was too lazy to blog at that time. So, this is a post to celebrate a year's worth of blogging. Well, to tell the truth, I was quite reluctant to start a blog as I thought that I would be too lazy to maintain it and too lazy to post interesting stuffs. However, I decided to give it a try as my own personal diary and to write everything I want there. It turns out that, when you blog.. you expect anyone to read it.. therefore, there are certain issues that you have to be careful about before you actually post it online. My blog started out as a place for me to vent my anger and post all those emo stuffs. Well, if you realized it, The Different Side has taken for a change... it's no longer a place where I abuse with negative thoughts, instead it's a place I try to share my thoughts, my experiences (not to say I have a lot) and what I think it's worth blogging with everyone... in other words.. it's a place to procrastinate when you don't have anything to do..

Anyways, The Different Side have grown.. so have I. I've learnt a lot in this past one year.. I've learnt more and more things as I'm about to embark on a different journey.. last year was a transition period.. this year.. I'm wiser... I can't say I'm better.. because I really don't know.. but as far as I'm concerned, I'll try to improve as time goes by. I hope I'll continue to share everything I've experienced for as long as I could in this blog and make sure no one will ever see the same old Jakarta post forever and ever...... and I'll try to put more and more interesting stuffs on this blog. I never knew blogging would be fun.. but yeah.. it's a good experience and I urge you guys who have not tried it to give it a shot.. if you don't like your blog to be read by everyone, try to make it a private blog and only let the people you want read it. It's a good way to pour out everything that's inside but at the same time too much of it makes your reader sick.. A blog is also a place that makes you feel nostalgic once in a while and a place where you could put into words your happy and sad times..

Last but not least, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY The Different Side!

Stupidity...

2007-04-10T15:54:00.000+10:00

Well... I did the dumbest think ok..maybe not the dumbest thing.. but one of the dumbest thing I've ever done in my entire life. I got into the lift after coming back from grocery shopping... and I pressed on the 20th floor button. I got out of the lift and saw that joker who inspected our apartment and pointed at the end of the corridor and asked him.. whether he was there to inspect our apartment.... well.. he said no.. fair enough.. maybe he'll get someone else to inspect it. I walked to the end of the corridor.. inserted my key and realize.. hey.. what the fuck is going on.. did they just change the fucking lock because they hate us so much..? I was like.. wat the fuck.. how can they do this.. or I thought maybe my key was faulty.. I was like... damn.. So, I started pushing the door really hard..... and shook it.... suddenly the door opened.. I was like.. thank god Damien is in... but too my surprise.. it was another joker..... that I didn't know of.. I looked at the door and realize that.. it was 1901 instead of 2001.. I was like.. fuck.. I'm at the wrong floor.. man.. I felt so embarassed.. if that guy didn't open the door in 5 minutes time.. I would have broke into his apartment.....

Anyways, maybe I'm sick that's why my concentration is so poor.. gosh.. it sucks to fall sick especially around this corner when I have like 4 mid-sems with a total of 100 marks coming up next week.. I need more rest.. I feel weak some how.. don't know why..... maybe it's psychological.. when u are sick, u just wanna lie down.. even coffee doesn't give me motivation when I'm sick.. damn... let's just hope everything will be alright....

On a happier note, Phillip Island was fun and there's this place called a'maze' and things.. something like that ler.. that was quite fun and unique.. the vertical slide was fun.. balless Damien wouldn't get onto the slide.. man.. he's just a pussy...

A girlish post..

2007-04-07T02:29:00.000+10:00

Bad picture of Miss kong and I

I was forced by KONG SU SAN to do this post.. so forgive me if it's slightly girlish...

Well.. easter holidays started.. finally the plan is to go phillip island on monday for a one day trip.. I don't know why.. this time around.. I really don't feel like going anywhere.. Maybe I feel pressured from the upcoming mid-sems in two weeks time. Ok.. to the girlish part.. I was darn bored yesterday.. as 24 went out with Randy and Drew for pool and Damien fell asleep while 24 and I was playing Fifa. I basically was jobless and played poker online for a few hours. Then I remembered that, I still have a 'reliable' friend and that's Miss Kong Su San so I decided to call her out for Italian Hot Chocolate at Brunetti's.

In the end, due to her greediness for waiting her friend to finish baking the apple crumble, we couldn't have hot chocolate cos' Brunetti's was close. So, we headed to Notturno's instead.. the name of this cafe' is a bit weird...... if u break it up......... it is Not- turn- no's.. Maybe the owner was trying to be funny by saying no-turn-ons.. but he decided that it was too obscene and change it to Notturno's instead. Haha, only the owner will know!

I slept at 7 in the end and got up at nearly 4 p.m. Watched 300 at Imax.. it wasn't too bad.. the storyline was alright and the actions were good. The screen at the Imax was huge.. but the seatings were crap and the audio wasn't too good..

Trips...Easier Said Than Done

2007-04-05T00:41:00.000+10:00

Well.. who wants to go on a fully hassle free, no worry, no responsibility and fun-filled trip...? I bet everyone of you would want a trip just like that.. but that's not the true fact.. The fact is that a trip requires planning.. a trip requires deciding.. a trip requires accomodating each and everyone's need... a trip requires everyone to be compromising and willing to follow the organiser's itinerary.. and nothing else.. we need someone to be calling all the shots.. no other opinion should be allowed.. as too many chefs spoil the soup..

I think it's never easy being the organiser of a trip... it requires so much headache and so much everything.. everything is just a hassle.. and the problem when you plan to travel in a group is.. everyone is just waiting for the other person to organise the trip.. not many are willing to take the responsibility of planning a trip.. I totally understand why.. I planned the trip to go to Pahang during the summer break with my bunch of friends back home.. and my god.. it wasn't easy.. transportation was a headache.. no one could drive us to Kuala Rompin from Kuantan.. so I had to ask my cousin drive us all the way there and the whole journey would require 3 hours.. well.. when transportation is done and everything is done.. you set on your little journey.. u reach the accomodation and all.. you realize.. fuck.. this place is not as fun as I've thought eventhough no one had to pay a single cent.. and you start worrying whether everyone is happy or not.. well.. besides that u need to make sure everything is in place.. everyone is comfortable etc.. u're like the social welfare officer for the trip.. FOOD.. is another problem.. the fact is that.. everyone have different tastes and everyone gets hungry at different times.. so what is the best place to eat.. and what is the right time to eat..? The fact is that.. you can never keep everyone happy...

Well, if I had a choice.. I'd rather set myself on an adventurous trip like what Mr Bean did.. and meet fun people along athe way and had all sorts of different challenges.. haha.. he sure had an adventurous trip.. but oh well.. how often does that happen in one's life..? Btw, it's that movie was a little of a let down..

Anyways.. I hope everyone gets to enjoy easter to the fullest no matter what they are doing and the conclusion is.. never be an organiser!

yet another weekend...

2007-04-01T15:55:00.000+10:00

Well, another weekend has come by and almost gone.. sometimes, it's the weekend that makes u think of home the most especially on Sundays when its sort of a family day for me. Yesterday, one of my nephews had his wedding and it's obvious that I couldn't attend his wedding. What a pity! A buffet dinner was on instead of the usual Chinese-style banquet dinner with that freaking annoying loud Karaoke with those ah peks and aunties singing their Hokkien and old Mandarin songs that tear your ears apart and makes you lose your appetite. Gosh, thank god he made the right choice eventhough he forced to make it. His mom is ill and he had to rush to get married before his mom (my cousin's wife) flies back to Taiwan to cure her illness. He decided to get married last weekend, had all the cakes and invitations distributed to all relatives and friends within two days and got married on the Friday a week later. Gosh.. that must be a certain rush with the Ching Ming around the corner.

Well, it's occassions like this I wished I was at home getting see one of your close relatives getting married. I'm very picky when it comes to attending wedding dinners.. I refuse to attend a wedding dinner unless the person who is getting married is quite close to me and most of the people who will be attending the wedding dinner are my relatives as well. I remember the time when my sister got married.. that was one of my happiest days in my life. The atmosphere was good, I helped to put up a slide show and everything was just great. It was just amazing to see all your relatives that you haven't seen in a long time around on that day.

Since I miss this wedding, I really do not know when's the next wedding of any of my close relatives I would be able to attend since most of them are married and the rest are younger than I am!

Alright, better get some work done before the weekend is over.. ADIOS......! And to Arsenal fans.. better luck next time.. maybe you should give your defenders more calcium drinks so they'll be as tall as Peter Crouch..!

KH's soccer corner..

2007-03-24T13:12:00.000+11:00

This Week's Pick of the Week:

Israel v England
Preview: With England's most 'prolific' scoring machine Peter Crouch out, it's quite a daunting task for England to have a landslide win. However, with Owen Hargreaves back, it does give the midfield freedom to roam. A reminder that Israel have not lost a game at home for 7 years until their last lost to Croatia. With their home crowd cheering them on, does seem like a tough game for Steve Mclaren's pool of fallen 'superstars.' However, this is a must win game for England and I believe they might just pull it through. (Btw, it really surprises me when I visited the webpage of the Israel team at uefa.com, THEY WERE ONLY DISPLAYING ENGLAND NEWS AS THEIR HEADLINES, WTF?)
Prediction: Israel 1-2 England

Portugal v Belgium
Preview: A better bet will be putting your money for professional diver Cristiano Ronaldo to win one of the diving competitions at the FINA championships in Melbourne. Heck, he might even win against Michael Phelps in any swimming competition due to his distance in diving. Well, Portugal does seem likely to win this game against Belgium. However, with their most influential player, Deco out of the equation this match does not look that easy. On the other hand, Belgium has not been beaten by Portugal in an official match. Cristiano Ronaldo's diving skills will grab them a win at the end though.
Prediction: Portugal 1-0 Belgium

Spain v Denmark
Preview: This is definitely a surprise, Spain being the KING of qualifying is only with 3 points from 3 games. However, with several big names out for Denmark and the confidence high after beating England 1-0 at Old Trafford, does seem like a likely win for Spain at home.
Prediction: Spain 2-0 Denmark

Czech Republic v Germany
Preview: This is definitely a cracker and definitely a contender for game of the week. Czech republic the Euro 2004, semi-finalists is with a full-strength squad and with Klose suspended and Frings, Schweinsteiger and Metzelder doubtful, does seem like a tough game for the world cup 2006 semi-finalists. The factors point for a Czech win, but I still think Germany have enough fight in them for a draw. A reminder that, a win for either side will strongly put either team in pole position for Euro 2008.
Prediction: Czech 1-1 Germany

The cost of procrastinating...

2007-03-22T01:29:00.000+11:00

Ok.. today marks the end of my first weekend of the week.. hehe.. if you all didn't know that being a commerce student you're allowed to have two weekends.. not one.. but TWO.. haha.. I've managed to arrange my timetable so that I could have Tuesdays and Wednesdays off.. which means I have two weekends! Anyways, here I am.. rushing to finish off my 1% tute work which talks about cost of capita... I'm just bull shitting my way through it.. I really don't know what the questions are asking me and I really don't know wtf I should write.. so.. yeah.. at least I didn't copy it..! And besides that, I still got a lot more of tute work to do... but I just can't be bothered.. gosh.. two weekends is not enuf..

Hehe.. to tell the truth actually.. I'm quite a changed man already..(Not!) Yeah.. see.. a semester ago.. I would have just waited for CC to finish the work and copy it off her that morning itself.. but look... I'm actually putting in my own effort to do it.. Besides that, I actually spent the past two days squeezing every ounce of my brain to solve the investments assignment.. hehe.. just ask CC.. Ok lerr... I think I'm praising myself too much.. Anyways, the most torturing two days of my week is coming up.. which is Thursday and Friday.. I have a total of 9 contact hours! Ok lerr.. enough lerr.. you engineering guys or science guys should be cursing me by now.. hahahahaha.. but too bad.. YOU GUYS ARE NOT DOING COMMERCE.. so live with it!

That's it.. another short post..!

Another one of my insomic (is that how you spell it?) nights..

2007-03-20T03:36:00.000+11:00

3.30 a.m.. I'm bored and wide awake.. I tried to sleep but just couldn't sleep.. I had too much sleep this afternoon cause I was frustrated with my investments assignment.. gosh.. I realize when I'm stressed I tend to sleep.. I remember how I could afford like 15 minute naps while I was trying to study for Principles of Marketing last semester when I was actually way behind time and I desperately need to stay awake.. yet.. I fell to the temptation of sleeping.. haha.. I guess.. If I had a choice.. I wanna to be able to sleep the whole day.. gosh.. just hibernate like animals.. hahahaha... if only I was able to do that...

Well, the feeling of being awake at this hour makes me feel that everything else disappeared from this world and I'm the only person around... gosh.. ain't a nice feeling at all.. Arghh.... hate it hate it hate it..

Ok.. I really do not know what to write anymore.. haha.. I'm running out of ideas what I'm supposed to talk about.. I typed out a couple of sentences.. but just didn't know how to finish it off.. I guess.. I'll just leave it here and make it a really short post.. Good night, adios.. and hope everyone could sleep well.. unlike me...

.....?

2007-03-18T12:31:00.000+11:00

18 March 2007, mark this day.. haha.. finally i wrote something again on the blog.. u guys won't have to see the word jakarta first when u ever visit my blog.. It's been quite some time.. 2 months.. since i wrote something.. It's not that I do not want to write something.. is just that I really got nothing to write.. haha.. nothing so interesting as for me to write on the blog and nothing so demotivating that I could write on the blog.. (in other words, just lazy ler.. hehe)

Well, tomorrow will be the fourth week of my semester.. what have I achieved so far..? Nothing.. I set myself into a mission this year.. to improve myself overall... guess I haven't really done anything to improve myself thus far... From the way I look at it, this would be the final year I would make a large impact on who I am and who I'll be for the next one or two decades to come.. Changes have to come now and fast.. I had a chat with su san yesterday.. and I really realize lack of self-esteem is really one of the biggest problems that I'm facing with.. I really do not know how I'm gonna go out of uni to face the real society if don't have enough self-esteem.. gosh.. I think I would have to change jobs every 3 months..

I realized patience is another thing that I need to have.. I realize my lack of patience has caused me drastically in many things.. not to mention.. poker.. I'm a really impatient poker player.. I do not like the slow pace of the game.. I prefer to speed things up... which means.. being one of the first to get kicked out of the game.. hahaha.. it sucks to sit out and wait you know... well.. guess... this is another area I wished I could change..

Well, that's about it.. I don't want to bore you guys with my self-motivation.. haha.. I realize long posts aren't really what readers want ( see.. improving on blogging skills.. damn.. I'm lame)

blogging from jakarta

2007-01-14T02:01:00.000+11:00

Wow.. it was a two hour trip from the LCC-T in Kuala Lumpur to Jakarta with AirAsia. To be fair to them, AirAsia did quite a decent job in getting my mom and I on time to Jakarta without any delays. Everyone usually tells me that AirAsia is pretty lousy when it comes to following the scheduled time and the delay is usually pretty long. Anyways, the flight was alright and everything went well except for the fact that this dumb dude at the customs asked me for my flight ticket back.. dude... How can I show you my ticket.. when they only give it to u upon ur check in..? And besides.. no dumbass would wanna stay here in Indonesia for the rest of their lives..

Well, the ride from the airport to the hotel.. took up to two hours.. gosh.. the same amount of time I spent travelling from Malaysia to Indonesia. The traffic congestion in the city area is just crazy.. u barely move a metre within a minute. The people here just won't stop honking.. and the motorbikes here are crazy.. I pity those manual car drivers.. Anyways, Jakarta ain't no KL.. eventhough the shopping centers here are massive and quite up to standard. It has too many squatters around the city and people knocking on ur window.. asking you for money or to sell u something.. if you're here for the first time without any knowledge about this city.. u might actually freak out.. Well, to tell you the truth, a lot of websites that I surfed before I came here actually said that Jakarta is quite unsafe...

Anyways, I'm blogging at this place called the Horizon Lounge at Shangri La hotel.. dis place is cool..! I can get free drinks and free food at anytime of the day.. even free liquor..! However, you have to be a Horizon Club member to enjoy the benefits.. and you have to pay an extra fee of USD 30 a night.. well.. it's quite worth it I supposed.. after all.. I'm not paying it.. haha.. The gym is cool, the food is good in the hotel, the ambience is good.. overall I'm quite satisfied..!

Keeps me thinking..

2007-01-07T06:28:00.000+11:00

Well, it's been quite some time since I posted up my last post.. some of you might even feel that I won't be blogging anymore.. haha.. well.. all I've been doing for the past two weeks is eating, eating and more mahjonging and mahjonging.. haha.. it seems like good food is a necessity when you come back.. I've gain weight over this two weeks.. gosh.. I would need to keep up with my healthy routine again.. if I really wanna maintain my weight.. really can't imagine what would happen to me if I keep eating like that...

Anyways, my holidays really got somewhat into a kickoff three weeks ago.. when my ex- highschool mates studying ACCA finally finished their exams.. just as it seems that there will be more mahjonging, more food, and more bull shitting sessions... kar hseng has to go and report himself to the NS camp.. gosh.. what a wrong timing for him to do that, when all the fun seems to just be starting.. anyways, it would have been better for him anyways... rather than wasting his time sitting at home.. and only eat n play mahjong... (seems like I'm talking bout myself). Anyways, this following 1 and a half months.. will be much more quieter without him... as we not have enough mahjong kakis.. aihhhsss.. sienzzzzzzz.. well.. guess it's back to jogging.. jogging.. eating eating...

I read CC's new year post.. it just keeps me thinking.. what would happen between me and all of my friends.. in the years to come.. would we still be very close..? would we still keep contacting one another, play mahjong and eat bak kut teh together..? would we all still be single and complain bout being single..? well, I really don't know.. all I know is.. everyone seems to have different paths.. we used to need at least two tables when we go to a mamak stall.. but right now.. two table seems a little too much space for us.. ahha.. we couldn't even find enough people for paintball.. and this coming chinese new year seems like a much quieter one with more people going overseas... before chinese new year.. it just keeps me thinking.. whether one day.. we would all be individuals and never be categorised as groups again.. like the 'kalou' gang.. would it just disappear? or would it remain for a really long period of time.. ? well.. i don't know...

Anyways, hopefully the return of another friend from Malacca would brighten things up a little bit.. and hopefully the trip to pahang would workout.. I would really love to post up a new year's resolution post.. but I really can't think of anything now.. wait till I figured out.. what I want to achieve this year.. anyways.. enjoy ur holidays and keep having fun no matter where everyone is!

Worried like mad...

2006-12-05T03:30:00.000+11:00

Gosh.. I just can't help but to keep thinking that results is coming out this thursday! I'm so worried on the outcome of my exams this time around. I really can't tell what's gonna happen.. Sometimes, I wished I had put in more effort to change things around, like doing my tutes regularly, going for every lecture and every tute, doing all the required readings and all the supplementary readings, going throught the I-lecture, going for all those extra tutorials and consultations, paying attention in lectures and tutes and not being a slacker. The fact is that I haven't done all those stuffs.. and every new year or semester that comes by.. I'll tell myself I'm gonna do it.... and over and over again.. I've failed in doing so.. shows how USELESS I am.... somehow time passes by so fast.. that I don't even have time to concentrate fully on my studies (this is just an excuse!!!)

I'm already having nightmares, I check my e-mail from time to time to see if Melbourne Uni sends me some e-mail to tell me to sit for some supplementary examination or something like that. I check the guidelines for marking law papers, turns out that they need 2 person out of a 3 person board to fail someone and if they could they hardly fail someone.. or at least that's what the guideline says.. anyways.. I really hope that's the truth! I really hope I don't fail anything at all.. esp CORP LAW and ACE.. gosh.... I don't want to go back for summer.. I'm enjoying a very simple life here.. don't want it to end just after 3 weeks.. I haven't played my mahjong.. I haven't gone on a trip... I haven't wore my liverpool jersey out to support them at a mamak stall or a pub or etc.. I haven't had proper seafood yet.. I haven't had proper japanese food yet.. I haven't done so many stuffs.. I don't want it to end right here...! PLEASE................... don't let it be.. =~~

Well, at this moment, I really can't do much anymore, but to keep praying and have faith.. whatever the outcome is, it's because of my own action.. whether it's good or it's bad.. so, let's just hope that everything turns out well.. I really can't wait anymore.. the anxiety is killing me! Good luck and all the best to everyone... hope everyone does well as well..

Another 'sueh' day

2006-11-30T19:04:00.000+11:00

Looks like, bad luck won't go away just like that, I woke up today hoping that liverpool would win against portsmouth, guess what... they only managed a draw..! WHAT THE HECK! Well, the morning was smooth like usual, going to the market with my parents, buying some stuffs and after that went jogging and breakfast. That has become my usual routine nowadays. HOW INTERESTING!!

Well, my mom asked me to go for a haircut which I didn't really want to because my hair still has dye on it! I know if I cut it, she would nag at me if I dye it again! Eventually I went for a haircut and I bought a pack of LOREAL 3D dye or whatever u call it.. Excitedly, I wash my hair and put it all over my hair WITHOUT my shirt on.. So, after 30 minutes, I washed it off and guess what.. THE HAIR DYE ON MY FACE WOULDN'T GO OFF! I panicked.. and kept scrubbing and scrubbing my face and my body, but it just wouldn't go off.. I even use facial scrub to get the dye off.. DAMN, I was like.. if the dye wouldn't go off I'm FUCKED.. I WOULD LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT FOREVER!

So, I asked my mom what to do.. she told me to go back to the salon.. i checked wikipedia and realize that cigarette ashes do the same work as well, so I wanted to do that.. but my mom insisted that I go back the salon to wash it off.. she said it would be free! Ok fine.. I went back to the salon.. got them to SCRUB it off... it was not an easy task.. and that hairdresser told me to wash my hair as well.. and the total cost of my haircut was...
CUT = RM 15
DYE = RM 30
DYE REMOVAL = RM 10
HAIR WASH = RM 14
Total = RM 69!!!

Well, due to my stupidity... and I had to pay another 24 dollars extra and on top of that.. the dye on my hair is not really visible.. so that's a total of 54 dollars wasted.. including yesterday's parking fine.. thats a total of 84 dollars wasted.. man.. I'm a DUMBASS...!

The right motivation...

2006-11-30T01:57:00.000+11:00

I've been back for more than one week, all I did was eat, sleep, watch tv series and jog in the morning. My life right now is quite monotonous, but the surprising thing is.. I'm not complaining. I haven't really hung out with my friends yet since they are really busy with their exam preparations for their ACCA finals. So yeah, no mahjong, not much mamak, no futsal, no watching movies, but it's not that bad. Managed to meet up with Su San today after like... 3 or 4 years..? But how lucky, the first time I met her and that's the first time I got a parking fine! Thanks to her laughing at me about the way I park my car, I ended up forgetting about buying a parking ticket! Gosh.. she's kinda sueh. All in all, it was good meeting up with her as the last time I met her was like in form 1..? Haha.. how time flies!

CC got her internship at PWC.. I haven't done anything yet so far.. I haven't typed out a resume, I haven't applied for any jobs, I haven't done anything related to my future. Everyone seems so pumped up to get a good job, to get ahead of others in the job market after graduating, but me, on the other hand, couldn't care less about it.. I really can't understand why. I wanted to work at PWC, but after hearing how those buggers torture those interns, I told myself, nah, it's too much for me to handle. After all, my sister quit after a month! Apparently, they squeeze every single cent that they pay u out of ur work! Well, I just think that it is important to enjoy ur holidays.. I don't wanna haf a sucky holiday and go back to melbourne complaining that I haven't rested enough. WHAT A GOOD REASON TO BE LAZY ! Actually I think I just don't have the right motivation to do anything! I'm lazy to go anywhere, I'm lazy to work, I'm lazy to socialize and I just want to sleep and sleep and SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPP...

First of all, I'm not even sure if I need to go back to melbourne after my results, results will be out in about 9 days.... ISN'T THAT AMAZING..? IF I SCREW UP, I'M DEAD! THAT'S IT! THAT's THE END OF HOLIDAYS.. BYE BYE HOLIDAYS..! So, what the heck! Might as well enjoy my holidays first before deciding on anything major! Yeah, call me a lazy bum, call me ambitionless, call me whatever you want, but my opinion is, you gonna work for the rest of your life, why start so early..? HAHA..

Well, I guess that's it for now... gonna go bed, it's only 11.10 p.m. I know it's darn early, but that's how early I sleep nowadays as the latest I sleep is at 1 a.m! I need to get up in the morning to jog!

Back with the heat (part 2)

2006-11-21T02:22:00.001+11:00

I'm back with the heat again.. it's really warm back in malaysia eventhough it has been raining everyday. The rain is just ridiculous. You just don't feel like getting out of your house as you don't know when u'll get caught in a ridiculously heavy rain that blinds ur vision while you are driving and get urself into an accident. Anyways, it's back to good food, good tv with astro and more football on tv... and when I say football I mean.. the round ball that u kick.... not the Australian footy..! I still don't get why they call it soccer in Australia.. ridiculous.. haha

Anyways, been eating a lot, a lot of comments about me, my weight and my hair. Surprisingly, my parents did not give me a hell of a scolding when they saw my hair. My mom just said I looked like a VCD seller. Actually, I kinda like my hair colour right now, I really wanna dye it again. Well, we'll see. Anyways, I am actually considering to get an internship, hopefully I'll be able to get it.

You know what? The prestige is no longer on screen in cinemas and in Australia they are just screening it. Shits, I thought I could watch the movie here, guess not, I just have to get a dvd instead. Well, at least I managed to watch Borat! Anyways, to everyone who's still having exams, good luck and to everyone who's jobless right now, join the gang!

3 down.. 1 to go..

2006-11-11T22:34:00.000+11:00

My second year in Melbourne is coming to an end really soon, marking an end to a torturing period of exams and the start of holidays. Anyways, I already feel like I'm already in a holiday mood and I really can't wait to enjoy. Well, I would definitely loved to stay a lil' longer in Melbourne after exams, but my parents wants me back home as I stated in my last post, my sister's in Indon, and there's only two of them left at home. So, I'll be a good boy and accompany them for an additional week. So, yeah, I'll be going home on the 18th! I'm quite sure I'll miss out a lot, as everyone's holidays only starts after the 20th. *sighz*

It's been a hell of two years, full of things going on, full of joy, full of problems at the same time. However, I'm quite glad, my final month in IH was really a joyful one, thanks to the fact, I've grown and thanks to the fact that I have a bunch of great friends, it really made a difference of my stay in IH. I'm quite sure I'm gonna miss all the basketball, all the 'banging' (no naughty thoughts, it's a card game! haha), fingering (an action card in a card game called family business), bridge, poker, watching soccer together, talking for hours along the corridors, at the nudel bar, all the random dinner conversations at the dinning hall, etc. I really will miss all those times. However, we've all got to move on eventually ( this piece of advice is for Jeannie, cos she's feeling the blues, hehe), and I guess moving out of IH, will further test my friendship with my two new apartment mates, Damien and 24. It's gonna be a challenge.. but a new experience at the same time. It's gonna be sad leaving the big family in IH behind, after all, it's been like my 2nd home for this 2 years.

On the up side, Ken and CC are moving out as well, which makes it better! Haha, at least my fellow walking mate from classes will still walk along swanston street with me! Well, it's gonna be a new experience and I know it wouldn't be that bad. And to all of you guys at IH, you can still visit us anytime, except if my exams are the next day! HAHA.. well.. to sheanee and jo, maybe it's time you guys start getting a bowl to cook mi-g, as we won't be around to provide you with a bowl the next time, haha..

Hmmm.. my eyes kinda teary.. ahhahahahha... maybe I'm feeling the blues too.. anyways, everyone.. take care, and continue the IH spirit all right! Ohh, and I guess, I'll definitely miss Fang's way of cutting people, I just discovered he is really talented at literally cutting people! haha..

Well, this is the very first picture I'm gonna post on my blog.. ENJOY!

I'm paranoid....

2006-11-08T20:57:00.000+11:00

Somehow, i think I'm a paranoid person.. just like my dad.. I often worry bout things like whether I took my ID wif me while I leave the exam hall or shit stuffs like leaving my laptop out in my room while I go on holidays. Everytime I take an exam, I'll be so paranoid that I think that I might fail, or maybe I am just not convinced with the way I answered the corp law paper today... Well, I hope I'm just paranoid and I hope I could pass that paper.. Well.. everything that is done is done.. can't change.. but to pray for the best of the results.. should start worrying bout ACE tomorrow.. I'm running out of energy.. Red bull isn't helping.. I'm mentally tired.. can't wait for a break.. can't wait for a good sleep.. can't wait to go home..! Well, gtg study, good luck for tomorrow's paper everyone!

1 down.. 2 to go...

2006-11-07T19:25:00.000+11:00

Haha.. my first official post in lik 3 weeks plus.. I posted something last week.. but it did not appear..! Gosh.. I'm tired.. but come to think of it.. I'm done by the 15th... which is great news.. I might fly back on the 17th or 18th.. to accompany my parents as they are really bored at home now.. with my sister away at Indon. Wonder if the Mi-G there tastes better. haha..

I'm stressed but I don't know.. somehow I'm still slightly calm. Maybe the thought of getting everything over so soon.. makes me happy in a way... It's like having a marathon.. the nearer u are the more you want to finish it.. eventhough you are tired and slow. I wished I could be like some people who needs only like 1 or 2 hours of sleep before they go to their exams. I really realize that I can't do that.. I run out of mental strength really fast, does that show that I'm weak mentally..?

Well, 3 more papers to go. One on tomorrow, another one on thursday and I could take a small break before my final paper on the 15th. Then I'm officially a free man! Haha, well.. shouldn't be procrastinating too much, should be doing some work again! Wish me luck to survive this traumatic event of the year! haha.. and all the best to everyone's who's having exams!

Love and its imperfections...

2006-10-11T17:58:00.000+10:00

Love is a probably an aspect of my life that I have not mentioned about or written about.. firstly, it's one of the aspects in my life that I can't handle that well and I have quite a number of heartbreaking experiences in this area... Recent happenings to my friends has put extra doubts on relationships.. Maybe I watched too much American Pie and my perception of relationships has changed quite a fair bit. Well, I guess relationships are like technology.. they evolve as time changes.. people want different things and need different things from a relationship.. A few decades back.. falling in love with one person.. means being with them forever (well.. at least that's my perception of people back then).

So what do I think couples seek out of relationship nowadays.. For guys.. the main thing would definitely be to able to have sex and to engage in whatsoever sexual intercouse.. relationship is like a licence to do so.. well.. for girls.. I would believe.. sex is important as well.. but I guess.. for them.. the thing that they seek out of a relationship is to have someone to be able to sacrifice for them and to have someone to be able to do something for them... Fair enough.. some of you would argue that.. friends with benefits would be able to do that as well... but think about it.. if you are in a relationship.. no one would bitch about u! Besides that, relationships nowadays are based much more around looks, money, and not primarily on qualities you see in the other person. OH.. convenience can also be a basis for a relationship! There are many more bull shits.. that could lead to a relationship.. well takes time to name them all!

Well, I would say.. relationships are really vague.. people who are in relationships.. sometimes they are not even sure whether they like the other person or they just want a companion because they are lonely. Some people are in relationships mainly because they want to have one. Long distance relationships is one thing that I never agreed and will never agree with.. it's just because.. I think physical presence in a relationship is very important instead of communicating with someone over the phone.. You can say whatever you want on the phone.. but when you are talking to one another face to face.. it's hard to lie.. it's hard for you to not tell the truth.. unless you are really cold blooded and you have no feelings for the other person at all.. LDRs just doesn't have the substance that is required in a healthy relationship (it might work for some people, I don't deny it). Well, I feel once you're separated from your partner, both of you just have your own lives and you just can't be monitoring their life over the phone, webcam or whatsoever no matter how great the technology is.

Well, maybe I haven't met someone that I would trully love and would trully sacrifice for.. at this stage, I would say I'm rather immature to be in a relationship.. but from my very own experience.. relationships work both ways.. it doesn't work if only one side is putting in the effort and the other side is just half-hearted. Yeah.. love is blind.. but you can't be blind forever and be the one giving in all the time.. Everyone seeks for the perfect one.. the perfect love.. the perfect relationship.. the perfect marriage... but how many actually gets it..? Think about it..

Well, it's rather a long post.. should end it here.. to all the people who are in relationships.. appreciate it! To those who don't have one.. you ain't that bad.. don't worry.. and to those who has problems with relationships and LDRs.. well.. good luck mate!

6 weeks left...

2006-10-10T09:31:00.000+10:00

8.45 a.m in the morning, a rare sight for me, Kee Hong Tan to be at the dinning table, having breakfast and talking some random bull shit with some other people that I hardly talked to. People actually laugh when they see me, it's as though it's criminal for me to be down for breakfast! First thing they asked me was.. hey.. why so early..? I decided to wake up early today to have some bacons with eggs that I have been wanting to have for quite some time. I realize yesterday that I got 6 weeks left to do so and that means there is 5 more times for bacon and eggs excluding this breakfast.

If you were to ask me whether I enjoyed my IH life, I wouldn't know how to answer your question. I would say it was hell of a year last year when everything was new and everyone seemed so interesting. It's just like when you get something new, you tend to want to use it more, as it wears out, you seem to be keeping it aside more and more. Well, my IH life could have been better if I actually made an effort to know more people and to talk to more people. Partially it was my fault for my not so interesting year this year. Yeah, you can blame it on being a senior and tell others you just can't be bothered to repeat the whole process u did at o-week where you just ask some random bull shit to know some other people. Little did I know at o-week, that I would end up with a bunch of fijians, sri lankans, two unique indians, one sissy malaysian boy, and two blur than ever malaysian girls ( I didn't know most of them during o-week). It seems like it's been a while.. and along this journey.. a lot seemed to happenned.. some good, some bad, some just can't be explained by words. Sometimes, you wish u could go back to all the good moments and have a good laugh when everything was simple and care-free.. but all you could do now... is look at those pictures on your laptop.. and smile at ur silliness..

A part of me wants to leave IH.. a part of me doesn't want to... eventhough I'm not exceptionally sure that one thing that makes me not want to leave. Maybe it's the hassle...? Maybe I still love being in IH..? Maybe it's basketball..? I really don't know.. All I know is.. for the next 6 week or so.. I'll try to make the most of my IH life.. get closer to more people... try to make more friends before I leave and make full use of their facilities! hahahahhaha.. at least I can tell myself that I actually accomplished something...

Short note: Thanks to all those people who cared for me while I'm sick.. appreciate it.. I went to the doctor already.. he said i would cure in 1 or 2 months.. GOSH.. it's some post viral cough or some bull shit like that.. he didn't want to give me any medicine but on request he gave me an ASTHMA INHALER.. how cool is that..?

Never felt so sick in 2 years...

2006-10-08T17:18:00.000+10:00

Seriously.. I hate being sick! It's as though your whole day is gloomy and all you ever did was trying to get some sleep. And even that, you can't do it properly! You seem to be coughing all the time, your nose seems to be running like a water tap... You get up a few times when you're sleeping just to drink water or puke.. but you still continue coughing! (I tried sleeping at 4 and I ended up sleeping at 8.30.. I couldn't sleep cause I needed to go to the toilet, I need a warm cup of water, I need to puke.. and I JUST WON'T STOP COUGHING.. DAMN!) You want to go for a run.. and when you do.. you realize.. you almost choke to death at the end of the run... You are hungry.. you missed brunch.. you want to go out and get some food.. you realize.. you're just too sick to get out of your room.. yet to go all the way to the city.. you realize you want to cook something.. there's nothing in the fridge.. yet again.... you can't be bothered to go to the city...

Gosh.. it's been a month since i started coughing.. i've never coughed for such a long time.. never felt so sick in like two years.. I got two assignments that are gonna due soon.. I got heaps of work to be done.. but I feel unwell.. and I really need to go to the doctor.. but you know.. you're just too sick.. to catch a tram and go see the doctor.. *whining*.. oh well.. i just hate seeing the doctor and eating medicine for some reason.. maybe had too much of them when I was young.. well.. the kee hong you see today.. isn't the same kee hong like 13 to 14 years back.. the kee hong back then.. was a weak.. and much thinner one.. oh well.. now that i've grown to be like a bull.. i'm still so weak.. SHITZZZZZZZZ.......

How I wish I was home.. at least someone could have drove me to the doctor.. or maybe some chinese medicine that my mom gets from the singse would have helped.. right now... I'm just stuck in my room.. waiting for the cough to cure by itself.. Seriously... it's not funny to fall sick.. when you're overseas.. You don't feel like eating sucky food when you're sick.. or you wished you had some porridge to eat.. (SHIT I COULD HAVE GOTTEN PORRIDGE DURING BRUNCH, COULDN'T WAKE UP!) and all SCHOLAREST serves you is shitty oilly food.. CURSE YOU.. SCHOLAREST!!! REALLY!!

Ok.. I'm just whining cos I'm sick.. wanna have a shower.. BYE!

On a plus side... Thanks to CC for the porridge and everyone else who offered me medicine and cared about my health.. thanks.. really appreciate it!

A poem to remember..

2006-10-04T15:22:00.000+10:00

I stole this from a friend (su san) of mine's blog.. felt it was quite a good poem. Something I did in English literature in Form 5. I'll pay u for copyright fees when i get back... and remember to pay me for the click post... and actually raymond... I shall charge you for a walk to remember post.. haha..

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Rudyard Kipling

Insomnia...

2006-09-23T06:09:00.000+10:00

It's 6 a.m in the morning... I can't really sleep.. but I really don't know why.. it's not that the floor is not comfortable.. it's not becoz i drank coffee.. I'm just awake.. and I still feel energetic.. I really don't know why..

It seems that the whole world is asleep and here I am.. watching everyone's world asleep.. it reminds me of that bsb song.. incomplete.. where one of its line says.. I'm awake while the world is half asleep.. I'm just too awake.. and I don't know what to do.. and I want to keep myself distracted.. so I'm posting this blog up.. I don't really know what to say at the moment.. cos I don't even know what I'm thinking.. I just feel numb.. I just feel soo empty.. and soo.... I don't know.. I can't describe how i feel.. a week of the holiday went by.. time passes by like a bullet train yet again.. leaving me behind..

I always feel that time and other people progresses without me... it's as though I'm this person.. who's always left behind the train.. chasing it.. hoping that one day he'll manage to hop onto it.. and get a ride on it.. I feel like.. other people are advancing way too fast.. leaving me behind.. is it because.. of my slow pace in doing things..? is it because I don't put in effort..? Is it because fate decides my life to be that way..?

I guess life is full of ups and downs.. but at the moment.. it looks like the sky is really grey.. it feels like the sun won't shine.. it feels like the star and moon won't show.. it feels like there's no tomorrow...

Well.. forgive me for my random analogies... I'm just too awake to be asleep.. haha... well to everyone's who's sleeping.. haf a nice sleep alright!

Thursday morning...

2006-09-21T07:07:00.000+10:00

It seems that my daily routine is screwed up. Haha.. I sleep in the morning.. and I get up in the evening. I stay awake till like 7 a.m everyday... just doing random stuffs. What a holiday I would say.. it's a holiday that's exactly like my normal uni days! Guess...I've been having quite a holiday for myself for this past 2 years. I hardly do anything during uni days and only start studying on SWOT vac. Gosh.. at this rate I'm going.. I wonder where I'll end up this semester.

I finally let it out.. finally told what's on my mind.. I'm not exactly sure whether it helped the situation or it'll improve the situation.. All I know is.. at least.. I a part of those things bothering me for the past 3 or 4 days has subdued. Well, what's next? I really don't know.. Well, lets just hope I don't destroy the holiday mood for others. I mean.. after all it's holidays.. and everyone just wants to have fun.. Maybe I went over my usual limit, I hardly let it all out.. I hardly say anything.. but sometimes.. when it's all filled up... and you need space to store more stuffs.. you just have to find that space..

It really makes me think sometimes.. what's the most important personality one could really need to be a person loved by others. Is it to be caring..? Is it to be funny? or is it to just have loads of money so that you can buy others meals all the time..? Is it all about being cool, fun and accepted by others? I really can't tell.. but I guess the most important thing is.. to be yourself... be real.. then it doesn't really matter what other's think of you. After all, opinions are really subjective. Yeah, I know.. sometimes I tend to forget that and try to search for an identity for myself.

Sometimes you wish, you could understand what other's are thinking.. but it's not that easy especially when everyone has different thoughts and everyone is unique. You wish you know, what's up with someone who's not smiling at all.. you wish to know.. what's up with that person who does not seem to talk to you like how they used to.. but the fact is.. it's kinda impossible to do so.. there are a million reasons someone can be upset.. they can be upset with you or other reasons..

I understand now.. you play different roles in other's life.. sometimes your role is more important.. sometimes another person's role is more important.. as much as we hope for equality in life.. it doesn't really occur. As much as ppl don't say it out.. they know in their hearts.. that they already have a decision or preference when they were given the options.. it's just how to make the decision look good.. and satisfy everyone.. but yet again.. in that process.. you can never avoid.. hurting someone and make everyone satisfied.. well.. that's life.. people have preferences and I guess I can't blame them for their preference..

Well, I just have a lot to questions, doubts, etc... but I don't think I know how to type it out in words.. Haha.. anyways... good morning and enjoy your day..!

another 6 a.m post

2006-09-20T06:04:00.000+10:00

It seems like my holidays revolves around sleeping late, wasting time and watching movies. I've basically watched like 8 movies in the space of two days. Well, at least movies keep me distracted and make my holidays slightly more meaningful than just wasting time. Yet another 6 a.m, yet I still feel really awake and I don't know whether I should try to sleep.. My sleeping time is so screwed up right now..! Arghhh...

I watched a really random movie today.. called 'American Beauty.' I really did not understand what the movie is all about. It's just a random family with lots of problems and I don't even know where the climax was.. the story was narrated by a guy who got shot on the head...! I mean.. it's quite ridiculous.. but yet again.. it's only a movie. Well, even though it was quite random.. it was unique in a way and it had a couple of lessons to be learnt from there.. like.. money can't buy happiness..? or maybe... don't cheat on your husband..? hmmm.. really can't tell.. haha

Movies sometimes could really make you believe that you could be a hero.. or maybe you could save the day or you'll get this hot chick at the end of the day and everything just goes smoothly for you. Movies usually only portrays the ideal world that we could imagine and how often does the hero in a movie die..? Well.. it's always.. the bad guys die and the good guys prevail.. or it's always a happy ending where the guy gets the girl he likes and lead a happy life.. does life always end up this way..? Guess not.. the world we live in... has much more complexity with harsh reality and truth..

People told me to believe in myself.. to have more self-confidence and to be more optimistic. Sometimes, you really want to.. it's just that maybe the environment doesn't allow you to do so.. or maybe you just can't find the right motivation don't put in enough effort. Everyone wants to make a difference, everyone wants a perfect personality, perfect partner, but yet again.. how many people actually succeed..? It annoys you sometimes when your weaknesses overshadow your strengths. Well, I guess.. life was never meant to be fair.. from the day you were born till the day you die.. there will always be imbalance.. but sometimes it's just sickening.. to fall over and over again.. and you find it hard to get up.. the fact is that.. reality is harsh.. and I guess I should learn to accept reality and to accept failure.. after all I'm no saint.. or hero..

A walk to remember..

2006-09-19T04:59:00.001+10:00

It's 5 a.m in the morning.. I still can't sleep... I really don't know why am I still awake.. I really don't know why I am here.. right in front of the laptop.. typing this post.. guess I really have a lot to say.. but I just don't know how.. so I have to type it all out.. I really wish I could just say anything I want.. anything I feel and anything at all without having to face the consequences.. In the ideal world.. it would have been that, but not in the world that we live in. Once u made an embarassing mistake, it will haunt you forever and you'll never repeat the same old mistake again! It sucks when you have something to say.. but you just don't want to say it because you know.. it will only make the situation worse for yourself.. It sucks when you're treated differently from others.. Sometimes I hope that human functions as a computer.. u only choose the data that you want to remain.. and those that you don't want to.. you could delete them.. But in other ways.. humans are really like computers.. just like humans.. computers don't function well.. when there is too much data in the system and the memory space is low.. that's when you get 'crashes'. I guess I'm having a system crash now.. haha..

Well.....all ramblings said and done.. back to what I really want to talk about. I watched the movie.. a walk to remember today.. When it was first released in the cinemas and I saw Mandy Moore's name and Shane's name on the casting.. I was like yeah.. it's gonna be a bad movie.. after all that guy is from westlife.. haha.. it turns out that the Shane that acted in the movie wasn't that Shane from westlife.. haha.. Anyways.. it was quite remarkable for a college or high school kid to be able to do so much for his girlfriend.. I'm not sure whether it was based on a true story.. but it seems quite impossible to be true. Well, the story line was very much like the korean series 'Autumn In my Heart.' It was very different compared to other high school or college chick flicks.. haha.. I almost wept when that guy hugged his dad and cried... but I think I'm one person who would hardly cry.. haha.. guess I'm just emotionless.. It was quite a good storyline.. very touching to see how much both of them loves one another.. does that really happen anymore..? haha.. especially at high school or college.. doesn't seem like it..but man.. I wish I will never have to part with my loved one like that..

Oh well.. I'm just bored and I can't sleep....... Haha.. so decided to type out some bull shit.. anyways.. signing off.. have a great holiday everyone..

6 a.m walk/run in princess park

2006-09-18T06:55:00.000+10:00

I haven't slept the entire night but I still feel awake. It was 5.45 a.m, I asked my friend on msn.. whether I should go for a run.. he told me, "Why not? If I was in Melbourne I would definitely do that." So, I set off on my little adventure to try running in princess park at 6 a.m in the morning. It was really windy, I started off running really fast.. I really wanna run off all my frustration, all my worries and everything that's I've kept inside me for so long... I wanna run it all away.. I told myself... I wanna run as fast as I could.. even the wind wouldn't stop me. Well.. eventually.. I was too tired.. I couldn't find that motivation that I always found when I ran in Princess Park.. it was just too windy.. As I ran.. I realize.. I've been always going against the wind.. trying to change things that's beyond my control and trying to force my way through.. I understand now.. there's no point to run against the wind.. it slows u down.. it tires you.. It tires you when you realize.. no matter how hard you try.. how fast you run.. you'll never run faster than others.. It tires you when people look at the fact.. you can't run faster than others.. it tires you.. when you're constantly compared with others who are better than you..

I decided to sit down at the railing... the wind blew gently at my face.. it felt so comfortable for one moment.. it felt so relaxing.. It was as if.. it told me to just stop running.. and just relax and look around you.. there's more than just completing that lap around the park. It's not how fast you run.. it's about how much you enjoy it. The swing caught my attention next.. I sat on it.. swinging myself a little bit.. it reminded me of my young days.. when everything was carefree and taken care of. I always wondered.. why can't I go back to those days..? But deep inside, I know.. I'm turning twenty soon.. I should be responsible for all my actions. I know I can't return to happy moments.. just as much as other people wants to.. I only have one option.. move forward.. yeah.. and so I did that.. and walked all my way back to IH.. was a bit long.. but quite relaxing..

I'm not sure if anyone even understands this post.. but it's just what I'm thinking at the moment.. haha... I realize.. I've been abusing my blog.. posting my anger and frustration on it.. well.. I'll see.. if this would change over the week.. well.. gonna go shoot some hoops and try to get to bed after this.. adios..

"Why can't you be like him?"

2006-09-16T22:11:00.000+10:00

Something really bothered me today.. I really don't know what is it, but I was jus really bothered. I'm really frustrated.. but I don't know what is the main thing that causes my frustration. I am not happy but I don't know what I am not happy about. I wanna improve but I don't know what I want to improve about.... I wanna break free.... but I don't know what I wanna breakfree from.. It's just one of those days that aren't going well and aren't going my way. It's hard to understand why because it's already the start of the holidays, yet I feel more frustration coming my way.

In my life, I always hated comparison. I hate it when my parents compare me with my other siblings. I hate it when they compare me with my cousins. When I was young I used to ask myself, why do I have to be like them? Why do I have to change..? It's not that I'm taking drugs or I'm a gangster.. I thought to myself.. they should be glad with the way I am.. after all I was just rebellious, nothing more than that.

Today, something really struck me.. one of my friend sorta asked me unintentionally.. he asked me.. "Why can't you be caring like him?" (I shall not disclose their names). I thought to myself.. for a very long time.. I didn't know what to reply him.. I thought and thought.. and I finally answered him.. "I am Kee Hong, he is himself, I'm sorry but I can't be like him." But in fact, sometimes, I wish I could be different.. not in every aspect, but some aspect. There a lot of things I would like to change.. but I know it's impossible to do so. Everyone says.. if there is a will there's a way.. does that always apply..? Sometimes. others try three times harder than others.. but in the end.. they don't get what they want.. sometimes people even sacrifice their lives to stand for what they believe in.. but.. what's the point?

Gosh....... just one of those days................... adiossssssssss................................. nitezzz....

Week 8...

2006-09-11T12:09:00.000+10:00

Can't believe it.. today is the start of week 8, after the two week holidays at the end of this week will mean that I have another month to finals. Time FLIES.. maybe time ROCKETS i think. Arghhh.. I got a freaking 20% mid-sem tomorrow, and here am I slacking my ass off, cos I really don't wanna do any work. REALLY REALLY hate that subject, LECTURER's DARN BORING!!!!!!!!

I just realized something... my name means angry in so many languages.. in HOKKIEN.. it means (ki hong = getting angry), if you translate it from hokkien to Malay.. it would mean 'Naik Angin' which means getting angry as well. Boy, I think I am an angry kid.. have to admit it. Got pissed off over some unfriendly Australians over the weekend, and I am really really think those people are just being racist or whatever. Hey, we're paying so much more as an international student, so at least appreciate us for sponsoring part of your education. It's not like we came here to take political advantage over you guys!

Ohhh...... is today september 11...??????? What an important date..! How could I have forgotten this date..? This is when the WTC came collapsing down.. killing thousands of people 5 years ago..! HAHAHAHHAHHA.. just kidding.. well.. today our 'not so young anymore' friend, sheanee aka blurblur finally turned 19! YOU ARE OLD.. NO LONGER 18!!! HAHA.. anyways.. hope you have a great time and may you have a great year ahead of you!

Well.. I gtg.. slacking so much is not gonna get me good grades!

Cold/ gloomy/ rainny day...

2006-09-06T14:51:00.000+10:00

I slept for 10 hours last night! It was jus too cold to get out of my bed and my doona on top of me just made me feel so comfortable and so warm! I was supposed to get up at 9 a.m to get some work done, but instead I got up at 12 ! That's the problem with melbourne weather, always unexpectable and always make u sleepy. Here I am, contemplating whether I should go for my two lectures, starting at 4 and ending at 6. Gosh.. really hate ending at 6 in the evening, when u walk out of the lecture hall, it's just so sad and dark and cold! Hmm.. chilly weathers are alright but I hate it when it's rainny.. just makes the day so gloomy and makes u feel lazy! Maybe I'm just lazy and I'm just taking the weather as an excuse! Well... finally add the final touches to the OB group assignment, hopefully it's all ok and that CC and I doesn't have to re-edit.

Everyone seems to be falling sick in IH.. wonder who was the culprit who spread the flu bug around! It's so annoying to have a running nose and to top it off with constant coughing... My cough is much better.. probably because I stopped drinking those jasmine tea yesterday.. The lesson learnt from this story is.. DON'T DRINK TEA WHEN U'RE COUGHING or u have to get your ass up from ur comfy bed becoz your cough is annoying the shit out of you!!

Anyways, I spent a lot of money over the weekend on jeans and clothes, gosh I'm broke. Besides that, there are tonnes of birthdays coming up within this two months.. which means.. MORE PRESENTS and MORE CASH TO BE SPENT!! Gosh.. i hope I can owe them their presents first and give it to them some time in the future.. maybe distant future.. if i can remember that is.. hehehhehe... AND... THIS UPCOMING TWO MONTHS ARE CRUCIAL TO DETERMINE IF I CAN GO BACK FOR CNY..! Haha.. i feel like an idiot.. people pass their exams for the sake of their future.. i pass my exams.. so i could celebrate CNY! HAHA... explains how much I look to my future... still thinking i'll be a char kuay teow or BKT seller!

Hmmm.. the IH soccer team made it to the semis this time around.. I really envy them.. I wished i was part of them.. but I know I will never make it due to my lack of height and physique.. sometimes.. size does really matter.. I remember last year when the team had so many midgets like ME.. and we couldn't even perform.. I didn't understand why my coach did not put me in the team last year.. but now I know.. size does matter.. height does matter... ! So, since then, I've changed sport.. I've played more basketball ( sounds stupid.. if i don't have the height for soccer, how could I have the height for bball..?) I did not expect myself to achieve a lot in that game.. so basketball is kinda fun for me.. cos i dun expect myself to be good at it!

Anyways.. gtg and do some study! BYE!

5.30 a.m in the morning.. can't sleep...

2006-09-05T05:36:00.000+10:00

It's 5.30 a.m in the morning, I really want to sleep, but everytime I lie down, I just start coughing! I really don't know what's wrong, but I just seem to be coughing and coughing! It's really annoying! I haven't had such a long stretch of coughing since quite some time.. I've been coughing for the past few weeks, it got better but became worse over the weekend! Gosh.. It's so annoying! Really can't take it..

This past few days has been quite shitty! Assignments, work and work and work! Got a mid-sem next week, tonnes of tutorials waiting for me to complete and an individual assignment for me to consider whether i should do it or not! Seriously, assignments are ok.. if you do it on ur own, at least you get to work at ur own pace and even if you screw up, you don't screw up others! It's just annoying that the Management department has to give us so many group assignments. I mean, I really don't find the point of doing group assignments.. you get pointless group meeting where ppl just sit down and wait to get out of there, you get to discuss, but ur main aim is still to get ur butt off there! And sometimes you want to complete your part, you have to wait for ur other group mates to complete theirs! And when they complete theirs, you realize.. it's not really to the point.. and you shouting at the computer screen.... WAT THE HELL IS THIS...? So, the point is.. why can't the friggin department just give us individual assignments..? It's much more simpler and more productive that way!

Gosh.. I'm just annoyed, and to top it all off.. I have to get sick, it's so annoying! So much things to do and you got this blardee phlegm in your throat, tickling it all the time and friggin running nose that just won't stop running..? WHY CAN'T IT JUST WALK..? gosh.. I'm just annoyed... I really want to sleep...

Anyways, HAPPY 20th Birthday to Ju-Lear...! You'll have to fill in your forms and everything else with a '2' at the front.. hahahah! Hope you enjoy urself and yeah best wishes!

Well.. I really need to sleep........... hope I'll stop coughing.... BYE!

week 6...

2006-08-30T02:11:00.000+10:00

Another weekend when by like a breeze, and again it's already week 6. We're already halfway through the semester. Yet again, it feels like I've just took the flight from Malaysia and arrived here last night. Everything seems to be going so fast regardless when you are happy or when you are not. I've grown in these 6 weeks. I've learnt more, I can't say I accomplished more because I'm still as slack as ever. I've learnt to change to come out of the shell that I used to be. I admit, there are still a lot of things I'm not satisfied about myself and I wished I could do better and move forward faster. I always wished for a lot of situations to be different, but I know it will never be and it will always be that way. Truth aren't always nice, are they..? Haha.. guess I just have to deal with it like a man.

This few days, a lot of things ran through in my mind about moving out of IH. I asked myself... would I be happier if i moved out..? How drastically would my life change compared to the life I'm having now..? The good thing about IH is.. you always get to talk to someone when you're bored. Unless we move out in a group, we will never get that. Besides that, you don't have to clean the floor when u mess it up and you don't have to cook all the time! Yeah, I know about my bragging about how sucky life is at IH for the past god knows how many weeks. But, I'm asking myself whether would I be happier or different if I was not here..? How about my beloved game of basketball..? I will not get to play it again..! Gosh.. A huge chunk of my time is spent on basketball, without it, I don't know what I'll be doing..! Sitting around my room and just do nothing..? Haha, I really can't imagine life without basketball... I play basketball almost everyday after dinner. It might not be a sport I'm good in or have an ideal height for.. but I feel like every game is a challenge to me.. every game is different.. with different strategy.. different energy and etc.

I'm confused.. I've always thought I wanted to move out, but suddenly all these things struck me.

10 things i observed from clubbing...

2006-08-26T10:31:00.001+10:00

Well, last night was quite a crazy night... I started off buying some hair dye and got cc and ken to helped dye my hair... In the end, there was so much dye that damien, ken and CC could dye their hair as well! haha, so right, now all four of us... has similar hair colour! After that, we decided to go to the loft for clubbing. It was a decision made within 5 minutes and my first ever clubbing experience in Melbourne, yeah I know.. I'm a sad person. Sameer, Rahul K. , Anand, Damien, Ena, Dharen, CC, Ken and I decided to try out the club loft. One of the jokers got kicked out after 2 hours into the night... that was his second time in the space of like.. 3 weeks..? That was amazing...! I wonder what happenned this time... Anyways... I had an ok time... but could see that the rest didn't really enjoy it except for Damien, Anand, and Ena...

1. The place is packed, there is no place to move around...
2. There are more guys than girls at the end of the night so you're basically rubbing your asses with theirs by then..
3. The drinks are expensive, $9 for a bottle of heineken, wahlau!
4. Most of the guys there are there to check out the girls... (doesn't exclude me.. hehe)
5. Most of the guys there.. try too hard.. (ask Anand!)
6. You get pushed to the corner by guys in the dance floor if they see a hot chick dancing there.. or you get pushed by a group of girls if you they see a hot guy dancing!
7. You can't lean on someone's car when you're out of the club!
8. If you don't have balls, you don't pick up! Exception rule: It might be your lucky night.. and you don't even have to try and the girls come to you.. YOU LUCKY BASTARD DW..!
9. If you dance near some girls.. and you don't say anything at all to them... THEY GET PISSED! gosh..
10. Supper after clubbing is always good.. but you tend to fall asleep!

purpose of life...

2006-08-20T16:41:00.000+10:00

The weekend passed by like a breeze, shoooo...... two days gone, back to uni on monday. This weekend wasn't too productive, didn't do much, just stayed in and basically watch movies and soccer. Gosh.. weekends could be quite dry over in melbourne sometimes unless u have a car. Most of the time I feel that my day's wasted cause I usually get up at 1 or 2 and by the time I get up the day's already almost over. But yeah.. weekends are sometin that I would looked forward to.. eventhough it could be boring. IH had their open day today, it's good to see parents bringing their kids around the college, smiling and feeling satisfied with the tour you provide them. Most of them looked really amazed with the college. For me, it's 50 bucks earned!

Yesterday, a friend of mine asked me... what's the purpose of life and what's there left to drive you on when you feel your life has no purpose. I gave him an answer, but I don't think that really answered his question. I told him life's a challenge everyday and he's gotta challenge himself everyday. I just wanted him to feel better but I actually do not know. I am as lost as he is. That's one thing I can't understand till now. Sometimes if u asked me, I would say, I would rather be a char kuay teow seller and at least all that I have to think about is to improve my char kuay teow and look at my customer's satisfied face instead of having to study hard and get a job in the complicated corporate world. Sometimes, I sit down and ask myself.. why am I doing this..? What satisfaction do I get from what I'm doing..? Is this really what I want to do..?

I guess life is a cycle that we can't explain but just go on with it. You don't always get the things you really one. You might not be perfect, but you just have to fight for yourself and improve yourself. Things might not look good some times. But hey, you still got plenty of time! Your life might be better tomorrow or in the later years.. just gotta be patient. Everyone has their day and everyone will eventually get what they deserve. It's just like a boat drifting in the ocean, it will eventually find a right and nice island to land on one day. It might not be sure of its direction right now, but when it locates the island, there is where it'll go.

Shit.. analogies again.. hahahhaha.. I should be writing short stories! Haha, enough of preaching.. time for some SLEEP! Have fun for the rest of weekend everyone!

a strange feeling... (emptiness)

2006-08-15T00:33:00.000+10:00

Something certainly seems missing from my life in Melbourne. Everytime I'm in my room, some how this negative feeling(emptiness) fills within me. It's a really strange feeling.. it feels so quiet, sometimes soothing but at times it really makes you quite depressed. It seems like the whole world quiets down in your room and the only thing that accompanies me are my songs on my Itunes playlist. I have quite a number of songs... but i seem to be repeating the same songs over and over again. Haha... guess I'm a boring person.

Back to this strange feeling... it takes it's toll on you sometimes. Sometimes you get really sick of it, but there's nothing you could do. There are times that you have to be alone and do your own work or your own stuffs. Well, maybe this semester I've had too much time alone. Aside from playing basketball and chess and cooking I seem to do nothing in my room. Well, i thought having fishes would keep me company, but you just can't stare at that for hours. Ok fine... maybe I don't have the patience to just sit down and look at them swim all the time. Maybe once in a while it's alright. Haha...

Guess.. I'm just sick and tired of doing my reading for my OB assignment, eventhough it's not much reading. I'm just lazy.. that's the fact. Everytime I'm doing work, I'll find an excuse to divert myself into doing something else. I really hope I could fill in more to my life, so that I won't feel this feeling of emptiness. It's good sometimes.. but too much of it.. just makes ur life quite depressing. Guess I have to come out of my shell in greycourt a bit more or probably find some stuffs to do. Any suggestions..? Hehe.. anyways.. back to work..! I shouldn't be slacking..

perceptions...

2006-08-13T03:54:00.000+10:00

It's been about 3 weeks since I came back to Melbourne. Things did not start off the way I really wanted it to be, I was troubled by a lot of problems especially with my self-esteem. I felt irresponsible for certain decisions I made. I felt like I could have done better with certain aspects of my life. Well, life's like that.. full with wrong decisions and perceptions.

Sometimes, you hope that the person you care for would really care about you, but I guess in reality things doesn't always go that way. I know I might not be the greatest of person anyone could trust or talk to. I know I might not be the fun guy that could cheer you up when you're down, but at least I know, when you need my help and if you are my good friend or you are a nice person, I would definitely help you. I don't come up with lies that certain people are my good friend and when I'm behind their backs I say different stuffs about my friendship with them. For those ppl, I'm sorry but you are jus not a true friend and you are a hypocrite. I might have criticised certain people or certain individual, but at that point when I'm making that comment it's either I was too angry or I wasn't really thinking. If I've ever done that, I sincerely apologise.

I just hope that certain people would hold to their words. When they tell you nice stuffs like you are a nice guy, you are my best friend or whatsoever, I really hope they actually mean it. Words can be said at anytime and any place but the most important thing is that, they sincerely come out from you. It really beats the point if you go around and tell everyone you're my good friend or whatsoever hoping that you'll have more friends or your friends will help you when you need help. If some of you out there think that I'm not good enough to be your friend, then let me know. I wouldn't say a word..

I can't say that I'm perfect person that have never really made a mistake before, I have made mistakes before and I really regret it right now. I know I shouldn't hope for appreciation when I offer help to anyone at all, but seriously some appreciation will really make up someone's day.

Well, I guess life will never be conflict-free or problem-free. In life, we have to put up ourselves with a lot of truths and lies. We even lie to ourselves sometimes just to put give ourselves some hope. It's not wrong to hope, but it just means that you're lying to yourself.

Hmmmm... my recent posts sounds like morale studies or something like that. I guess I should stop here. Have a pleasant weekend everyone..

CLICK!

2006-08-11T01:13:00.000+10:00

hehe.. i watched the movie click! last night off the network. It just makes me think how wonderful would life be under one click! Imagine if someone nags at u, u just need to mute tht person. Or if your neighbour's dog is being a nuisance, just turn the volume down! If u hate certain days of your life or u know it's gonna be a tiring day, jus click forward. Where else, if you are having a good day, you might just wanna pause ur day and let everything stop for that very moment!

Well.. Well.. i guess life ain't that easy and everything's not just a click away! Well, some internet broadcasters might advertise their product with the famous phrase everything is just a click away, but in reality, u actually have to type the blardee webpage's address or maybe even search for it. Even if life was that easy, there are just too many details in our daily life that can't be fast forwarded like that or put onto pilot mode.

As much as I want to have a universal remote control that controls everything, I know in reality we have to face the challenges in our daily life with a positive attitude. Besides that, going forward alone in your life, doesn't mean that you are happy! Well, i feel like I'm preaching, hehe, guess I'm just bored and just wanna post this up so that I don't have to start on my assignment. But oh well, guess I have to go... CLICK!

ANYWAYS, ANYONE KNOW WHERE TO GET A TOILET SEAT WARMER..? TOILET SEATS IN MELBOURNE ARE FREAKING COLD!

there's gotta be more... at least more in my life...

2006-08-09T15:28:00.000+10:00

My life has some what become like a daily waste to me. I get up after at least 9 hours of sleep. Even some times when I have 10 hours of sleep i still complain that I'm tired and sleepy. Something is so wrong with me. I don't seem to have the right motivation to be doing things i should be doing. I seem to have gone from bad to worse. I really don't know what's going on with my life. It seems like I spend half a day thinking about unnecessary stuffs and another half of the day sleeping or just wasting my time in front of the laptop.

I've got tonnes of assignments, tute works, and revision of my studies to go through. At this rate, I seriously think I would end up in Malaysia jus frying char kuay teow or sell chicken rice. No kidding! I know I shouldn't live such a life, I know there's more to my life. I know I wasn't here just for me to waste my time or just to wait for summer to come by. There's gotta be more, I'm sure there's gotta be more than this.

Sometimes, I think I choose to be like this, I choose to be the way I am when I know there are more things that I could do or think about. I know a what's going on and it's just me who's preventing myself in excelling in life. My ever-same attitude which is so pessimistic and my lack of courage and determination is preventing me from achieving so much more in life. I think I'm a quitter in many ways. I know what's wrong.. it's just that, I never put an effort to change it. My favourite phrase in my life is.. 'I duno ler, screw it, everything will fall in place eventually.' That's rubbish! I know for sure, everything wouldn't just be there without me putting in any effort. I feel I ain't much different from those idiotic ah bengs going around and collecting protection fees. I'm just like one of them...

I need a change! I want to change! I want to have more than just wasting my day with some routine! I want to be different! BUT HOW..?

cartoons...

2006-08-06T00:07:00.000+10:00

Some people think cartoons are really retarted or childish. Others might think cartoons are just for kids and laugh off the idea of watching cartoons. Well, some watch cartoons just for the animation. Yeah, cartoons might always end up with the perfect ending where everyone is happy and all's good which seems unrealistic in many ways cos real life ain't cartoon. Well, i watched cars on my laptop today and i think otherwise...

Cartoons may be unrealistic but we can learn a lot from watching cartoons. From cars, I realized that you don't always have to get everything you want in life to be happy. Sometimes, the simple things in life are those stuffs that really make you happy. I realize the situation I'm in right now is just like lightning mcqueen at the start, all solo and no teamwork. Well, it might get stuffs done but am I really that happy after all..?

Yeah, I have to agree it ain't easy to change, not just after a couple of days building roads. Besides that, I also learnt that you can look at a situation from many perspectives, the good ones or the bad ones. It's all up to you to choose which side you want to look at things from. Well, might sound easy but it's quite hard to always look at things from the good side, especially for a pessimist like me. Hehe..

Anyways, cartoons aren't always just about the animation, the cute characters and they are not jus for kids, there's more to it, like the meanings behind it and the relaxation that you get out of watching it. So, the next time someone tells you cartoons are lame, tell him/her to look at things differently!

my routined life...

2006-08-01T00:48:00.000+10:00

Well.. my life has some what become of a routine, doing the same thing over and over again. Haha, chess, basketball, eating, going to uni, reading mangas. That's all I do everyday! I hardly go down to the dinning hall for meals anymore, I really don't know why, but guess I'm just too lazy and there are some things or some stuffs that I just wanna avoid till I've overcome it. I'm trying really hard to get started with my studies and catch up for the time I've wasted on doing and thinking of stupid stuffs, but I really really don't know how to get started!!! DAMN!

Sometimes, I question myself over and over again.. whether I'm just a coward hiding in my room and waiting for things to fall in place by itself without putting any effort. I like to wait till it's too late until the situation can't be changed, that's what I realized about myself. I feel that I could be quite idiotic sometimes. For instance, I don't even know how long 5m is..? CAN U BELIEVE THAT.. I've done physics for like 3 years, and I can't even estimate how long 5m is... I really doubt my intelligence, guess I shouldn't be at uni and sell char kuay teow or bak kut teh back home, at least I won't waste my parent's money.

Well, at the moment, I've found myself a short term goal which is to have my holidays as soon as possible, not the mid-semester break but end of the year break, that's how much I'm looking forward to be back with my family. I really miss them... Other than that, I can't really tell what else am I looking forward to. It's like I'm a drifter that's following the wind and let it take me to where ever it wants to.

3 days back.. still feel the same.. maybe worse..

2006-07-27T00:04:00.000+10:00

3 days back at IH, I still feel the same, nothing has changed really, everything is still same old from last semester... except for the fact that I could feel everyone's got their own aims this semester and are actually working towards it except for me. I'm sort of the aimless one, still looking for a goal and can't even decide wat the goal is. However, I've already made a couple of important decisions and I'm glad about it, just that, i don't know what the aftermath of that decision would be.

Well, rearranged my room, got some goldfishes but they seem to be afraid of me. Well, I guess I am not really good with pets. Haha, this semester seems really quiet as everyone is busy with their own stuffs. Hmmm, well the only thing I'm really looking forward to now is the summer holidays, I just got back from a break but suddenly I just feel that I need a break. Anyways, some tutor in IH actually said that I look like a twenty two year old..? Am I that old..? Hmmm, maybe I am. Haha, time to retire from a lot of stuffs especially those sports that require a lot of fitness, I'm just not fit anymore (not to say I was ever fit, but right now it's worse!)

Hmm.. that sums it all up, I'm lonely, I'm bored, I'm aimless and I think I'm gonna rot really soon..? Someday u might find some awful smell from my room, that might be my corpse rotting! haha, jk..

10 things i wish for..

2006-07-17T22:40:00.000+10:00

1. I wish I could express myself more freely
2. I wish I could be more optimistic about things
3. I wish I had more self-confidence
4. I wish I could be happy all the time
5. I wish I could share my thoughts my feelings with everyone
6. I wish someone could be there for me 24/7 no matter what happens
7. I wish other's could understand what I'm thinking without having to tell them and I wish I could understand other's without them having to tell me what's on their mind
8. I wish I was better in handling problems
9. I wish I could make my decisions straight away...
10. I wish i had more courage..

At the end of the day, many of us wished we were different or wished somethings did not happen or could have happen, but we are what we are, and we know for a fact, somethings could not be changed..