3 days back.. still feel the same.. maybe worse..

3 days back at IH, I still feel the same, nothing has changed really, everything is still same old from last semester... except for the fact that I could feel everyone's got their own aims this semester and are actually working towards it except for me. I'm sort of the aimless one, still looking for a goal and can't even decide wat the goal is. However, I've already made a couple of important decisions and I'm glad about it, just that, i don't know what the aftermath of that decision would be.

Well, rearranged my room, got some goldfishes but they seem to be afraid of me. Well, I guess I am not really good with pets. Haha, this semester seems really quiet as everyone is busy with their own stuffs. Hmmm, well the only thing I'm really looking forward to now is the summer holidays, I just got back from a break but suddenly I just feel that I need a break. Anyways, some tutor in IH actually said that I look like a twenty two year old..? Am I that old..? Hmmm, maybe I am. Haha, time to retire from a lot of stuffs especially those sports that require a lot of fitness, I'm just not fit anymore (not to say I was ever fit, but right now it's worse!)

Hmm.. that sums it all up, I'm lonely, I'm bored, I'm aimless and I think I'm gonna rot really soon..? Someday u might find some awful smell from my room, that might be my corpse rotting! haha, jk..

10 things i wish for..

1. I wish I could express myself more freely
2. I wish I could be more optimistic about things
3. I wish I had more self-confidence
4. I wish I could be happy all the time
5. I wish I could share my thoughts my feelings with everyone
6. I wish someone could be there for me 24/7 no matter what happens
7. I wish other's could understand what I'm thinking without having to tell them and I wish I could understand other's without them having to tell me what's on their mind
8. I wish I was better in handling problems
9. I wish I could make my decisions straight away...
10. I wish i had more courage..

At the end of the day, many of us wished we were different or wished somethings did not happen or could have happen, but we are what we are, and we know for a fact, somethings could not be changed..

2 weeks left...

My time in malaysia is another 2 more weeks. I hate to admit it, but I really hate the fact that I'm leaving so fast, I really need more time, more time to relax, more time to find myself, before I go back. I haven't had enough rest, maybe I'm just trying to avoid all the stuffs back there. Maybe I'm just not ready..? This 2 weeks had passed by so fast and comfortably that I don't feel like going back to melbourne. My results came out, it was alright, not too good, but yeah, I'm glad I don't have to resit for any exams. I should be thankful with my results considering the amount of work I've done.

What should I do next..? What's more important..? For me to feel happy..? Or to be responsible to everyone..? To accomplish what I should.. or give up.. because I know I'm no good for it..? What's up next..? What's gonna happen..? I really don't want to think bout it, yeah, my hols are really routined and could be boring some times, but I know, my family will always be there for me, protecting me and supporting me. They are the ones who will forgive you when everyone around you refuses to.I've always wished someone could be there 24/7, giving me support and listening to the way I feel, but I know it's hard for that to happen.

It's my holidays, I should be relaxing.. but knowing the fact that I'm leaving soon.. I really have to start making important decisions. This is where I'm not good at! I'm running out of time.. seriously.. maybe I was too busy relaxing.. until it finally hit me..

Should I pursue what I believed in..? How to find back my self-confidence..? How to forget things that I'm supposed to forget..? How to forgive those that betrayed my friendship before..? How to handle things, feelings and everything...? How i wish life was all about what I'm doing now..playing mahjong, having supper and chatting with friends.. it's boring.. but yeah.. at least I'm comfortable with it...! I just feel so hopeless.... Wats next..?