It's more than 3 years since I last blogged. Millions have things has happenned inbetween. Happiness, sadness, anger, fear etc. Can't hold my tears in today, the lost of a close family friend, someone that has brought so much to my family for the past few years, someone that could compensate my duties as a fillial son, someone that could bring joy to my dad, someone that could bring him to places that I never found the time to. Someone that could make my dad open up and someone for my dad to voice out everything in his heart. Today, he has left. Leaving his family members behind, leaving all his friends behind..
What set out to be his normal jogging routine turned out to be his last run of his life, a run that did not last for long, for he collapsed and the last sight anyone saw of him was him puking and his eye balls rolling up, not a sight anyone would want to remember of him. He thought he could run off the headache he was having, he thought it would be ok if he completed his run for that day. He assured his wife that he was alright and he would be fine. He never returned.. he never came back to say his last words to my dad, his best friend. All he could do was weeping when my dad spoke to him in the ICU...
The things that he brought to my family is uncountable.. invaluable.. closer than any uncle, closer than any so called relatives. He was selfless when it comes to my family, treating it like his own family.. always kind and never once say no to any favor requests. I still remembered during my accident two years ago, he picked me up from the accident spot together with my dad.. I could never thank him for that anymore.. My last lunch with him was 2 weeks ago.. I would never have the chance to have anymore lunches to him.. neither would my dad.. if it hurts so much for me, imagine my dad, at the age of 70, seeing his best friend leaving him.. no.. he is not even a friend.. he is more than that.. a brother to my dad.. a loyal one.. one that would never harm him.. one that would forever be there for him.. and one who could compensate me for being a useless son..
They see each other everyday.. always on the phone.. one that he could discuss the Euro with, one that he could discuss the olympic games with, one that he could share almost everything with.. sometimes even more than what he could share with my mom.. today he is gone.. he is gone forever.. God bless his soul.. for he was a kind man.. and we will always remember you.. Uncle Soh.. thanks for the kindness you brought to our family, we will never be able to repay you again.. thank you..
Monday, July 23, 2012
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Greetings from Teluk Intan - Land of Boredom..
Looks like I had complete peace for the past three weeks, travelling outstation to Ipoh, the land of dim sum and later on to Teluk Intan, Land of Boredom...... Well, I was expecting a really boring three weeks over in Perak, but somehow it has given me some peace, some time to slow down and really think bout myself and what am I gonna do from here on... This mini break has given me lots to think about and at the same time to ease off some of the burden of my shoulder...
Sometimes when we are too stubborn on certain things or we are too obsessed with a certain situation, we tend to lose our rationality and act stupidly.. I have given myself time off to really reset my life, my goals, my priorities.. I am 23 now, I have got to excel, I need to start hitting on the gas pedal and propel myself to greater heights, achieving things that I was supposed to achieve. Some how, somewhere along this path, we tend to lose our focus and start wandering off to stopovers.. and sometimes.. we stop for too long.. enjoying the comfort and enjoying the security u get in the comfort zone...
I guess I was never made for this, I was never that person that will be satisfied with what I have.. I always wanted more.. but some how along the way, I lost the fight.. lost the motivation.. and lost my willingness to achieve things.. Maybe I was looking for support, looking from support from the wrong sources.. But.. I finally understand that my life belongs to me.. I am the one on the drivers seat.. I'm the one who steers it.. I'm the one who gives direction.. Time after time.. I forget that and tend to let my life steer by itself.. putting it on auto-pilot... hoping that it would run smoothly on a path that will have no obstacles.. i.e.. A smooth ride...
I fall down too easily sometimes and take a huge amount of time to recover from my downfall.. while I was climbing up a cave in Perak, I realize.. that's human.. their very willing and eager to climb.. and eager to see what's at the peak of the mountain.. but they are afraid to make the journey down.. they are afraid to fall.. u look down the peak.. and you ask yourself "Holy Shit! This is certainly a high place to fall from." What I'm trying to say is that.. I've been so afraid to fall that I stop every now and then after climbing a certain distance...
Well.. looks like it's time to be such a passive person.. time to be the good ol' Kee Hong.. when everything is a challenge and interesting.. I'm not gonna give in to stopovers anymore.. I'm no pushover.. I'm no loser.. I am not boasting here.. but I was meant to achieve things.. I want it now.. and there's no better time than now.. to prove to the world what I have.. the qualities that I have.. all I lack is the confidence right now..
Guess that's all I have to babble this time round.. I will definitely try to update more on my trip to Ipoh and Teluk Intan.. btw.. your hometown really need more development, Veron (if you are reading!) Hahha... adios..
Sometimes when we are too stubborn on certain things or we are too obsessed with a certain situation, we tend to lose our rationality and act stupidly.. I have given myself time off to really reset my life, my goals, my priorities.. I am 23 now, I have got to excel, I need to start hitting on the gas pedal and propel myself to greater heights, achieving things that I was supposed to achieve. Some how, somewhere along this path, we tend to lose our focus and start wandering off to stopovers.. and sometimes.. we stop for too long.. enjoying the comfort and enjoying the security u get in the comfort zone...
I guess I was never made for this, I was never that person that will be satisfied with what I have.. I always wanted more.. but some how along the way, I lost the fight.. lost the motivation.. and lost my willingness to achieve things.. Maybe I was looking for support, looking from support from the wrong sources.. But.. I finally understand that my life belongs to me.. I am the one on the drivers seat.. I'm the one who steers it.. I'm the one who gives direction.. Time after time.. I forget that and tend to let my life steer by itself.. putting it on auto-pilot... hoping that it would run smoothly on a path that will have no obstacles.. i.e.. A smooth ride...
I fall down too easily sometimes and take a huge amount of time to recover from my downfall.. while I was climbing up a cave in Perak, I realize.. that's human.. their very willing and eager to climb.. and eager to see what's at the peak of the mountain.. but they are afraid to make the journey down.. they are afraid to fall.. u look down the peak.. and you ask yourself "Holy Shit! This is certainly a high place to fall from." What I'm trying to say is that.. I've been so afraid to fall that I stop every now and then after climbing a certain distance...
Well.. looks like it's time to be such a passive person.. time to be the good ol' Kee Hong.. when everything is a challenge and interesting.. I'm not gonna give in to stopovers anymore.. I'm no pushover.. I'm no loser.. I am not boasting here.. but I was meant to achieve things.. I want it now.. and there's no better time than now.. to prove to the world what I have.. the qualities that I have.. all I lack is the confidence right now..
Guess that's all I have to babble this time round.. I will definitely try to update more on my trip to Ipoh and Teluk Intan.. btw.. your hometown really need more development, Veron (if you are reading!) Hahha... adios..
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
What hurts the most..
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again i pretend i'm okay but that's not what gets me
What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere i go
But i'm doin it
It's hard to force that smile when i see our old friends and i'm alone
Still harder gettin up, gettin dressed, livin with this regret
But i know if i could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that i saved in my heart that i left unspoken
What hurts the most, is being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do
What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
And never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do
not seein that lovin you
that’s what I was tryin to do…
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again i pretend i'm okay but that's not what gets me
What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere i go
But i'm doin it
It's hard to force that smile when i see our old friends and i'm alone
Still harder gettin up, gettin dressed, livin with this regret
But i know if i could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that i saved in my heart that i left unspoken
What hurts the most, is being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do
What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
And never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do
not seein that lovin you
that’s what I was tryin to do…
Sunday, March 22, 2009
A late night post...
It's 2a.m in the morning.. today is the first time I find it so hard to fall asleep since I've started working for the past 1 year and 3 months.. I usually have no issues sleeping due to my long hours at work... but today is the first time in a really really long time I find it hard to sleep.. is it because I just had like 5 cigarettes a while ago..? I really don't know...
Tonight... there seems to be a lot on my mind... some uneasiness easing into me.. slipping through right to me from toe to top... I seem to be so restless.. so much to say.. so much to tell.. but just can't open up.. I hate this feeling.. I really hate it.. is it because I've lost it...? I've lost touch..? I've lost what it becomes to be my true self? Is it because I'm just a coward hiding underneath my shell.. waiting for things to happen.. waiting for lady luck or santa to say.. hey.. you've been nice.. now here's what you wanted...
I feel so helpless.. so helpless to the fact.. that I will go hide myself in the closet and hide there.. It's not the first time.. and I bet it won't be the last.. Sometimes I wish things would be easier.. things would be more straight forward.. things would always be my way.. but yeah.. I have learnt the hard way.. things do not always happen as you want it.. I want to be different.. I want to emulate others.. I envy what they have.. There's just something missing from me..
The thing with me is... I've never dared to try making changes.. I always take one step forward but the next thing I know I take several steps back.. I am risk averse.. I am afraid of failure.. I am afraid that I'm being battered to the extent that I can't stand up again.. I'm afraid to lose.. I'm afraid to lose what I've built for so long.. and lose it overnight.. I'm afraid of how ppl will look at me..
It's just 2 a.m.. forgive me for babbling..
Tonight... there seems to be a lot on my mind... some uneasiness easing into me.. slipping through right to me from toe to top... I seem to be so restless.. so much to say.. so much to tell.. but just can't open up.. I hate this feeling.. I really hate it.. is it because I've lost it...? I've lost touch..? I've lost what it becomes to be my true self? Is it because I'm just a coward hiding underneath my shell.. waiting for things to happen.. waiting for lady luck or santa to say.. hey.. you've been nice.. now here's what you wanted...
I feel so helpless.. so helpless to the fact.. that I will go hide myself in the closet and hide there.. It's not the first time.. and I bet it won't be the last.. Sometimes I wish things would be easier.. things would be more straight forward.. things would always be my way.. but yeah.. I have learnt the hard way.. things do not always happen as you want it.. I want to be different.. I want to emulate others.. I envy what they have.. There's just something missing from me..
The thing with me is... I've never dared to try making changes.. I always take one step forward but the next thing I know I take several steps back.. I am risk averse.. I am afraid of failure.. I am afraid that I'm being battered to the extent that I can't stand up again.. I'm afraid to lose.. I'm afraid to lose what I've built for so long.. and lose it overnight.. I'm afraid of how ppl will look at me..
It's just 2 a.m.. forgive me for babbling..
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Because it's a winding road... ( A very random post)
Sometimes you just realize that no matter how hard you've tried and how hard you've strived.. certain things just seems to remain stagnant... The economy is down.. people are out of job... those who are working have to work extra hours for free.. it just seems like everything is haywire... and regardless how hard you've tried or strived... this bad situations seems to get the better of you...
Day in and day out we think bout work.. work and workk.. the newspapers complain about job cuts, pay cuts... interest rate cuts... but nvr say anything bout tax cuts... haha.. I guess that's just the way it is at the moment.. There's no easy life in this world.. unless u're born rich.. even so.. u need to manage ur wealth so that u don't become poor one day... but hey... when u're rich things just seems easier... but those who are really successful are those who work their way up from scratch...
What else can we achieve in life..? I ask myself this.. I find so many answers.. the grass always looks greener on the other side... I want to be a financial consultant, I want to be an event manager.. I want to be an astronaut... I want to be a footballer... I want anything else other than my current job...! Haha.. but at the end of the day.. we're still stuck here.. still doing what we're doing... Many of us want changes but are afraid to make changes at the same time...
Miracles...? What miracles..? You think fairytales like slum dog millionaire happen everyday..? You must be kidding me... Yeah.. the story is a miracle itself... but for that movie to wipe out 8 awards from the Oscars.. that's just amazing.. No doubt it's a good movie.. with very good storylines.. but I guess Hollywood must be bored of all these super hero blockbusters.... well miracles... they just don't happen everyday......!
At the end of the day, life is a winding road.... and we all strive to overcome all the corners and all the obstacles...
Day in and day out we think bout work.. work and workk.. the newspapers complain about job cuts, pay cuts... interest rate cuts... but nvr say anything bout tax cuts... haha.. I guess that's just the way it is at the moment.. There's no easy life in this world.. unless u're born rich.. even so.. u need to manage ur wealth so that u don't become poor one day... but hey... when u're rich things just seems easier... but those who are really successful are those who work their way up from scratch...
What else can we achieve in life..? I ask myself this.. I find so many answers.. the grass always looks greener on the other side... I want to be a financial consultant, I want to be an event manager.. I want to be an astronaut... I want to be a footballer... I want anything else other than my current job...! Haha.. but at the end of the day.. we're still stuck here.. still doing what we're doing... Many of us want changes but are afraid to make changes at the same time...
Miracles...? What miracles..? You think fairytales like slum dog millionaire happen everyday..? You must be kidding me... Yeah.. the story is a miracle itself... but for that movie to wipe out 8 awards from the Oscars.. that's just amazing.. No doubt it's a good movie.. with very good storylines.. but I guess Hollywood must be bored of all these super hero blockbusters.... well miracles... they just don't happen everyday......!
At the end of the day, life is a winding road.... and we all strive to overcome all the corners and all the obstacles...
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Women's English..
"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
"We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now
"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"We need to talk" = I need to complain
"You're certainly attentive tonight" = Is sex all you ever think about?
"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house
"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep
"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive
"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like
"I'll be ready in a minute" = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
"Is my butt fat?" = Lie to me
"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me
"Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead]
"Do what you want." = You'll pay for this later
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
"We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now
"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"We need to talk" = I need to complain
"You're certainly attentive tonight" = Is sex all you ever think about?
"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house
"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep
"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive
"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like
"I'll be ready in a minute" = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
"Is my butt fat?" = Lie to me
"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me
"Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead]
"Do what you want." = You'll pay for this later
Saturday, January 24, 2009
I want to start clean...
Well.. the first deadline has passed by to change things... New Year's 2009... now there's a second deadline.. Chinese New Year.. well I have failed to set things right come 1 January 2009.. now here's a second chance.. second chance saloon to get things right... my aim to start everything with a bang.. in terms of career and everything else...
I have a point to prove.. a big point this year.. this is a make or break year in terms of my career as an auditor.. rumuors are if everything goes well.. the next promotion for my batch would be in June.. I definitely would not want to miss that promotion.. I know I have a short 4 months to prove myself to my seniors and managers.. that I'm capable of doing what it takes to be there.. I need to prove to my doubters (I am the biggest doubter of myself.. haha) that I can do it.. I am not what I appear to be.. I am more than that.. way more than that..
Mental strength and self confidence is my biggest weakness.. I really have to admit I have poor mental strength.. I tend to lose my direction when I'm under stress.. I lose direction.. when I hit a wall.. not knowing how to turn left or right... I lose direction when I'm thrown on a solo challenge... To overcome everything else.. I need to first overcome myself.... I am the biggest enemy of myself...
Next thing.. I need to stop taking those convenience provided by my family.. For the past 20 over odd years, my family has been extremely protective over me.. especially my dad.. I need to stop taking things for granted and start realizing that I am 23 this year.. I am old enough to take care of myself and I do not need anyone to back me up in life.. yeah.. I may need assistance.. but not each and everyday of my life...
Target.. My target is to endure.. this is the biggest test so far in my life.. having to deal with reality.. with the most common sight of human.. where there is minimal forgiveness for your mistakes or your clumsiness.. The phrase "I'm sorry, I think I made a mistake" is no longer acceptable... or "I'm sorry.. I think I'm still a newbie" .. that is no longer acceptable as well...
I want to start clean.. quit all my bad habits.. pick up new things.. I am in a learning process.. I need to improve.. I need to move forward.. I have to show what I am capable of.. I will and I swear I will not give up till the battle is done..
I have a point to prove.. a big point this year.. this is a make or break year in terms of my career as an auditor.. rumuors are if everything goes well.. the next promotion for my batch would be in June.. I definitely would not want to miss that promotion.. I know I have a short 4 months to prove myself to my seniors and managers.. that I'm capable of doing what it takes to be there.. I need to prove to my doubters (I am the biggest doubter of myself.. haha) that I can do it.. I am not what I appear to be.. I am more than that.. way more than that..
Mental strength and self confidence is my biggest weakness.. I really have to admit I have poor mental strength.. I tend to lose my direction when I'm under stress.. I lose direction.. when I hit a wall.. not knowing how to turn left or right... I lose direction when I'm thrown on a solo challenge... To overcome everything else.. I need to first overcome myself.... I am the biggest enemy of myself...
Next thing.. I need to stop taking those convenience provided by my family.. For the past 20 over odd years, my family has been extremely protective over me.. especially my dad.. I need to stop taking things for granted and start realizing that I am 23 this year.. I am old enough to take care of myself and I do not need anyone to back me up in life.. yeah.. I may need assistance.. but not each and everyday of my life...
Target.. My target is to endure.. this is the biggest test so far in my life.. having to deal with reality.. with the most common sight of human.. where there is minimal forgiveness for your mistakes or your clumsiness.. The phrase "I'm sorry, I think I made a mistake" is no longer acceptable... or "I'm sorry.. I think I'm still a newbie" .. that is no longer acceptable as well...
I want to start clean.. quit all my bad habits.. pick up new things.. I am in a learning process.. I need to improve.. I need to move forward.. I have to show what I am capable of.. I will and I swear I will not give up till the battle is done..
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