Happy 50th Birthday

Despite your imperfections..

Despite your unfairness...

Despite your under-development...

Despite your different treatments...

Despite you forcing us to move away...

Despite everything...

Happy 50th birthday....

I could only hope things gets better from here on.. I hope... I hope..

Flashes of the past..

Yesterday while I was trying to sleep, flashes of my past.. came to me like a slideshow, started from my first year in Clunies, Greycourt my high school days and my primary days. It was exactly like a slideshow that were playing on my mind. Well, I realized while my life is monotonous, but it does had its good times...

My year in Clunies was probably the best one in my 3 years in Melbourne. Being the new kid on the block, everything seems new, everything seems fresh, everything seems fun! The crazy stuffs that we used to do, the crazy moments and everything.. Well, as time goes by, everything mellows down, things change, our thinking changes, we take different paths in our life.. Along the way, we lose some company, we gain some... but the memories last I guess..

We try to erase what's painful, we get rid of them.. so that.. when the slideshow appears on your mind, it's a happy one, one that you wish to see all the time, one that you would smile at and realize how reckless you were but yet you had fun being reckless.

Somehow along the way, you become less reckless, you know you have a responsibility, you realize you are here to get a certain job done. You realize you no longer could be ignorant and think of your own needs. You know that your decision affect others.. you know that you must complete what you ought to do, you think about your future and what's coming for you.

Well I guess, becoming older means losing some of the things that you used to enjoy doing and extra responsibilities. I think this is what everyone faces in their life, a path that they could never avoid, it's just like you know the road is full obstacles as you walk on.. but somehow you need to walk on.. as there might be a beautiful path after the obstacle.. somewhere out there.. there's something waiting for you.. is that what we call.. Destiny..?

Beautiful Weather....

Today's weather was one of the best in recent days.. I've always been craving for such a weather.. not too warm.. not too cold.. and most importantly.. sunny.. it makes your day.. much more beautiful and not so gloomy. If I were to pick a season to get rid of.. I would get rid of winter.. cold, wet, and gloomy. Makes you feel like not doing anything and just cuddle yourself up in ur blanket...

Today's weather makes you feel like going out.. doing some outdoor activities.. play some footy.. picnic.. or anything at all.. How I wish everyday's weather was like today's one..

Anyways.. week 6 next week... half way throught.. my last 6 weeks of uni.. hopefully.. haha.. I'll need a long break before I actually want to do postgrad or anything at all.. Time to get into the groove.. time to start studying hard and complete this final lap...

All the hype about commerce ball ended on Thursday.. it wasn't a bad event I supposed.. good time to take some good photos with your close friends.. as I put back my suit into the wardrobe.. I was thinking.. the next time I'm wearing this would be my graduation.. haha.. well.. all I can say.. that 100 bucks was worth it.. no matter how shitty the afterparty was.. haha.. it was time well spent with all my friends.. like what Veron said.. the next time we'll be doing something crazy like this is at someone's wedding.. I really wonder.. whose invitation will I get 1st..? hehe.. Ken n CC, Veron n CK.. or maybe we're in for a surpirse...? Haha....

Well, I wished my weekends were longer.. then I could do so much more.. I could go for the musical.. I could go watch footy.. I could go play soccer or basketball.. and I could play poker and watch Liverpool play..... there's just too much to do.. but don't know where to find the time.. I'm torn between having fun and working hard!

Anyways.... keep having lots of fun !

Easily satisfied.. ambition-less or just weak..?

As time passes by, I realize my desire to succeed in life or to have more in life declines. For me now, I think that nothing is more important than a cup of coffee in the morning, having my favourite teh tarik or teh special ( this tea mixed with goat's milk.. damn it's good!), playing futsal or basketball at least once a week, my weekly dosage of the EPL, watching my hong kong drama everyday and not to mention accompanying my parents every now and then.

If you realized, the thing I mentioned above is nothing related to my future at all.. haha.. I never thought of what job should I be doing, how much money I would be earning a month or which company (in particular which big 4) will I be working for. All these things hardly come to my thoughts and all I ever thought of was just to complete my course and to see where I'll go from there... everytime someone asks me.. what you gonna do or have you applied for a job.. my answer will be.. " I don't know.. wait till I graduate and I'll see where I go from there.."

Without realizing it, it's already the end of week 3 and the start of week 4 is just days away, meaning that I'm 1/4 of my way through my last semester of uni. As usual, it feels like I've just landed at Tullamarine just a while ago. I realize as time passes by, I need more of my 'alone' time, I prefer to have more space for myself. I don't know whether it's good or it's bad.. sometimes loneliness kicks in with this changed attitude of mine.. I'm trying really hard to be strong and not to break down again under stress or whatsoever.. I'm already 21, this is my last chance.. my very last chance.. to be able to stand up on my on feet.. and to show some results...

Css Ball...

Sudden cold, sudden hot, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, I think I'm sick.. but I just can't go to bed... I had lik 5 hours plus of sleep for two consecutive days... thanks to the commerce ball.. Daniel and I were the earliest to start queuing on Sunday! We were so kind that we let someone else get to the front of the que.. Well, hats off to Daniel, he initially wanted to stay there fore 24 hours, I wonder if anyone else would ever wanted to do that. He planned everything worked out the shifts and on top of it.. stayed the longest there in the cold.. trust me.. it was cold.. And hats off also to Damien who accompanied Daniel throughout the night..these are two people who are not obliged to stay there overnight for any reason.. but they chose to do so...

Anyways, something that I always tried hindering has finally backfired.. well.. my bad.. after all who are we to judge or talk about what other people do.. when I personally can't handle my life perfectly.. I am no one to ever judge what others do.. they do things for a reason.. they won't do it if they do not have a reason I guess... and they won't keep it a secret if they have no reason to do so.. So, like I've said this many times.. Well, I'll say it again, I would like to apologise to those that I've tried to interfere about their judgements and things they do in their personal lives.. I'll try my best not to repeat it again.. you guys can choose not to tell me anything.. I won't ask and I won't blame anyone.. for after all.. it was my mistake.. Sorry for being a busybody and such a gossip bastard, I know what I should do..

I figured out for a long time in the shower today, I figured out that my time here at Melbourne never really took off.. my heart lies somewhere else.. Maybe I'm just not right for Melbourne.. not the other way round.. I already know deep inside.. my decision end of this year.. I make plans.. but never work them out.. I screwed up a couple of things here and there.. I broke down in pain last semester.. I regret over and over again the things that I knew I should have done.. I fear for the worst that could happen.. yeah.. you can say I have no ambition.. I'm selfish.. I'm a coward... daddy and mommy's little boy... but to me.. nothing's more important than my family.. my future can wait..

Shit.. I'm just too lazy...

It seems like blogging is a seasonal thing to me. There are times that I can put on 4-5 posts in a week and there are times that I just go missing for months! Well, it's not like I do not want to blog, but it's just that sometimes it's really hard to find interesting stuffs to write about. Anyways, 2 weeks of uni just passed by like a gust of wind. This is the final semester.. it's like a final 50m run in a 200m race, you just don't want to fuck up and you want to cross the finishing line regardless you win the race or not...

As usual, I've been doing stuffs that I've been doing all the time.. watching my tvb series (shit... damn ah pek!), playing some basketball, going to gym, playing poker and TRYING to study ( the keyword is trying!). My life is just too monotonous.. it feels like I'm repeating what I do everyday.. again and again and again! The fact is.. I'm a lazy ass.. I have time but I just do not know how to cramp so many things in a day! Unlike certain people, who can cramp different activities in a day.. sports,going out with friends, going uni and studying at the same time.. shit.. I really want to be like them.. so energetic all the time!

Well, I realize that things hasn't really change for me, I still can't decide wth I'm gonna do with my future, my grades haven't improve tremendously, still a gossip king as ever (eventhough I'm out of IH), still as lazy as ever, still as pessimistic and boring as ever.. Yeap.. that's me.. Kee Hong Tan!