As I bid my farewell...

For the past 1 year, staring blankly at the the view outside the balcony of the verve apartments has been one of my favourite pastime. It's really calm and soothing after a long day or a great moment of peace before starting the day. Guess this might be the last time, I ever look out those glass doors again.

It's not easy when you realize that you are gonna leave some place you have been for the past three years. Melbourne is not perfect, but I guess it is really a nice place to stay in especially for those who migrate. It's not as quiet as before, but I guess what makes my stay here fun is that I get the freedom I don't get at home like what most of my friends would stay. It is almost impossible for me to get out of my house at wee hours of like 1 a.m or 2 a.m in the morning. Where else, I could do it here...

The past few days was fun-filled with the two new friends I made from Jeannie's graduation, going to the casino, having coffee, going to the beach and just talking rubbish all the time. It makes it even harder to want to just leave without a heavy heart. It just makes me feel like staying here for a bit more longer or at least till new year's over! I want to see the fireworks here as I have never celebrated new years here... man.. what a day to leave.. on new year's eve when all the celebrations are going on! I'll have to celebrate on the plane... I'm not even sure I'm ready to start work, but I know I've gotta do so.. I can't rely on my parents anymore... I need to change (I've said this a million times), I realize I am not really a very responsible person...

Oh well.. what's gotta come has to come... I know it's time for me to go home.. I know I'll be back here some day.. I don't know when.. but I know Melbourne has became my second home.. and if I ever want to move.. Melbourne's the place... I feel like I haven't seen enough of Melbourne... I've not gone to enough places.. Maybe I'm a home person and hardly go around.. even in Melbourne.. I rather spend my weekends lazying off the couch.. or bed... haha.. now I'm regretting..! Gosh...

Anyways, I want to thank of all you Melbournians.. for my great experience here for the past 3 years.. sure it hasn't been all high... but I do treasure the times I've spent with each and everyone of you.. It's been nice knowing all of you.. it's been nice doing random shits together with you guys.. I'm really sorry if I ever did anything or say anything to harm anyone.. (I probably didn't mean it).

Take care everyone and have a great year ahead of you guys! I shall see you guys soon... Ciao!

The future looks bleak for my home...

It's sad to say.. recent events really has put me to dwell with my decision of going back home. It keeps me thinking whether I have a future back home, whether it is even safe for me to return home. If I had a choice, I would love to bring my family here, but I know that's nearly impossible my parents have lived their life there for the past 60 over years. How do you expect someone to change their style of living after 60 years? Not to mention, they would have tremendous trouble communicating with the people here....

Everytime I look at the local newspapers.. it saddens me.. it keeps me thinking.. it's been a long time.. we have given 'them' enough time and opportunities to catch up with 'us'. It's just that they are slow in a very 'special' way. Why the differences? Why the different treatment? Why the lack of transparency? Why the lack of freedom? Why sending away all your talented people to somewhere else? Who is it to be blamed? The way we are going, we will never achieve what we are supposed to achieve in another 12 years time.. DEVELOPED BY THAT TIME? You must be joking.... The way we do stuffs is no different from our 'neighbours'... such autocracy imposed.. WHAT DEMOCRACY IS THERE?

Deep in my heart right now, I know I'll be back in here some day.. not so soon.. but some day I'll return.. when there is nothing more left back home.. nothing to be proud of.. nothing that will keep me there anymore.. and nothing for me to savour anymore... I can't just think of the present.. I need to think of the future.. I need to think of the future generations.. I want to make a difference back home.. but who am I and what are my abilities to make a change?

It's time to wake up..

Finally.. I've graduated.. that has been my goal, my dream and my wish for these three years. I finally have joined in the 'elite' group of graduates, well at least that was what I thought. After graduating, I thought, I would be able to do whatever I want from there, boy was I wrong. Being a graduate nowadays doesn't mean much nowadays, graduates are everywhere, it's just like pasar malam goods which are available at anytime any day and being a graduate means that you've only completed a small portion of what you're suppose to achieve in life.

After my exams, I sat down and thought, am I capable enough to compete in such a competitve environment in the future? Do I have enough knowledge, language skills and communication skills to do so? I really doubt it.. I have a lot of plans in my mind.. but I just can't execute it, I want to improve my English, I want to improve my Mandarin, I want to be in real good shape and I want to have a good job, but I just don't know how.

All this while, I've relied on others to help me, provide me with guidance, I guess it's about time, I wake up from my dreams and start rely on myself and measure how far I've improved in these three years time. I can't believe it.. I still have to rely on my sister and kee win to help me with my job application.. I was thinking.. where will I end up if no one ever helped me? Am I really that useless? Am I really not capable at all? I look back at my life.. and realize.. all this while I've never taken the initiative to improve myself.. I've never bothered to read books, read journals, magazines or anything at all.. all I ever did was.. see what is in front of me.. and never looked beyond it... I relied on others to plan for me.. I relied on others to guide me..

When will I grow? Please let me know...