A late night post...

It's 2a.m in the morning.. today is the first time I find it so hard to fall asleep since I've started working for the past 1 year and 3 months.. I usually have no issues sleeping due to my long hours at work... but today is the first time in a really really long time I find it hard to sleep.. is it because I just had like 5 cigarettes a while ago..? I really don't know...

Tonight... there seems to be a lot on my mind... some uneasiness easing into me.. slipping through right to me from toe to top... I seem to be so restless.. so much to say.. so much to tell.. but just can't open up.. I hate this feeling.. I really hate it.. is it because I've lost it...? I've lost touch..? I've lost what it becomes to be my true self? Is it because I'm just a coward hiding underneath my shell.. waiting for things to happen.. waiting for lady luck or santa to say.. hey.. you've been nice.. now here's what you wanted...

I feel so helpless.. so helpless to the fact.. that I will go hide myself in the closet and hide there.. It's not the first time.. and I bet it won't be the last.. Sometimes I wish things would be easier.. things would be more straight forward.. things would always be my way.. but yeah.. I have learnt the hard way.. things do not always happen as you want it.. I want to be different.. I want to emulate others.. I envy what they have.. There's just something missing from me..

The thing with me is... I've never dared to try making changes.. I always take one step forward but the next thing I know I take several steps back.. I am risk averse.. I am afraid of failure.. I am afraid that I'm being battered to the extent that I can't stand up again.. I'm afraid to lose.. I'm afraid to lose what I've built for so long.. and lose it overnight.. I'm afraid of how ppl will look at me..

It's just 2 a.m.. forgive me for babbling..

Because it's a winding road... ( A very random post)

Sometimes you just realize that no matter how hard you've tried and how hard you've strived.. certain things just seems to remain stagnant... The economy is down.. people are out of job... those who are working have to work extra hours for free.. it just seems like everything is haywire... and regardless how hard you've tried or strived... this bad situations seems to get the better of you...

Day in and day out we think bout work.. work and workk.. the newspapers complain about job cuts, pay cuts... interest rate cuts... but nvr say anything bout tax cuts... haha.. I guess that's just the way it is at the moment.. There's no easy life in this world.. unless u're born rich.. even so.. u need to manage ur wealth so that u don't become poor one day... but hey... when u're rich things just seems easier... but those who are really successful are those who work their way up from scratch...

What else can we achieve in life..? I ask myself this.. I find so many answers.. the grass always looks greener on the other side... I want to be a financial consultant, I want to be an event manager.. I want to be an astronaut... I want to be a footballer... I want anything else other than my current job...! Haha.. but at the end of the day.. we're still stuck here.. still doing what we're doing... Many of us want changes but are afraid to make changes at the same time...

Miracles...? What miracles..? You think fairytales like slum dog millionaire happen everyday..? You must be kidding me... Yeah.. the story is a miracle itself... but for that movie to wipe out 8 awards from the Oscars.. that's just amazing.. No doubt it's a good movie.. with very good storylines.. but I guess Hollywood must be bored of all these super hero blockbusters.... well miracles... they just don't happen everyday......!

At the end of the day, life is a winding road.... and we all strive to overcome all the corners and all the obstacles...