back with the heat...

Yeap.. today's my second day back in Malaysia. So far, it's just been eating and eating and more eating! Gosh.. I think I'm gonna become like a pig by the time I get back to melbourne (not to say I'm not one already)... Everything seems the same back here, everyone looks the same, acts the same, but somehow I feel that I'm different.. I feel that something's missing, some sort of feeling is missing... don't really know what's that, but it's really good to be back.. ! Hmm.. at least I know.. the heat is still the SAME! It's so humid here..! But all's good.. everything's cheap...

Well, I guess I got nothing much to post during the holidays, so I'll try to put as much as possible, my life is quite routined back here, cos I DON'T HAVE A CAR! How sad could that be? I can't go anywhere, stuck at home, just waiting for someone to fetch me out! Aihhhsss.. nvmz.. guess I'll just spend more time at home and please my parents. After all, results are coming really soon! And I don't want to piss them further more with my bad results!

Anyways, I hope everyone enjoys there holidays regardless where they are, melbourne, malaysia or anywhere else.. have a good time and remember to get me souveneirs! TQ TQ...

It takes you quite sometime to realize that you are an idiot..

Today's exam was really bad, it wasn't tough, just that, my organisation of time was really poor and I had no plan at all. The exam ended at 4.15 when I actually thought it was suppose to end at 4.30 p.m. I've made this mistake before in my exam last year when I actually thought my exams were supposed to end at 4.30 p.m but it actually ended at 4.15 p.m and I did not finish like half of the paper, but it was a different situation back then. I got high marks for my assessments and I only needed 25 marks to pass. This time around i need 33 marks out of 80 to pass thats about 42% of the paper. I only did around 60% or maybe even lesser of the paper. I have to be really right with the stuffs i wrote to pass my exams. I know it's over and done with, but I just can't get it off my mind. It was really a bad error, if i had organised my time much better, I would have come out of the exam hall knowing I've passed the paper. I'm really not sure about it right now. I really don't know what to do.

I really do not want to have to do my summer semester, that would mean I'll miss chinese new year back home. Chinese new year is one of my favourite time of the year when I really feel happy. That's when I have a lot of fun with my friends and family. Missing chinese new year may seem unimaginable for me. haha, well, all I could do now is to study as much as possible for the last paper and hope to get a convincing result, at least enough to tell my parents that I did attempt to pass all my exams.

I really doubt myself sometimes. I ask myself whether I'm material for a graduate student and am I material for a good employee of any company in the future. Am I a good son, good friend or a good person? What's my worth to everyone? It keeps building in me. Sometimes u feel, u are good for nothing... u are just here as a bystander to see everyone achieving whatever they want while u stay in wherever u are and watch them.

Sometimes you feel life isn't taking you anywhere...

Some of you guys might be thinking, why is this joker's blog filled with negative stuffs and not any happy stuffs at all..? Is he always depressed? Well, it's actually not always the case, I do have happy times, just that I prefer to keep it to myself and smile back at it sometime later. Well, forgive the negativity for this blog.. I'll really try to put something really really better.. I PROMISE!

Well, it's 1 a.m in the morning and I really feel like I can't study anymore, eventhough i barely studied. I'm just so tired and I feel like giving up! Sometimes I really feel like my life ain't taking me anywhere, I'm just gonna be where I am now forever. Maybe not in terms of age, but in terms of achievements and success in life. I really want to be back home now with my family, my parents, my sisters, my brother and my nephews!

Like what I said before, life is never easy and always filled with tough decisions. You really have to think carefully of the decisions you need to make in life. From the day you were born, you are bound to make decisions for yourself regardless of who is that to help you. A wrong step you make, it's quite hard to turn back. Sometimes you just feel that the whole world is turning it's back on you, god doesn't favour you, or maybe lady luck refuses to smile at you! That's how I suddenly feel right now! Haha, maybe it's the stress from exams and I'm really really worried about cost management.. It does have ABC in it.. but it is not as simple as the aplphabets A,B,C...

Gosh.. you know what's on my crappy mind right now? I'm thinking that, if I really leave this world one day, (ok, I'm not committing suicide and I don't have a fatal disease, don't worry, I'm just saying if) who would be at my funeral weeping and grieving for me except for my family? Hmm.. have you guys ever thought of that..? Well, think about it....

2 down.. 2 more to go..

It's been a tiring week! Work! Play basketball! Cook! Exams! Well, next week, would be my final two papers. I'm not sure how I did for the first two papers, I really hope I did enough to at least get a pass. The last paper is the one that I'm worried about.. COST MANAGEMENT or in short CM.. why can't CM be championship manager (it's a soccer manager game)? Maybe a test on the name of soccer players, where they come from and which club they play for! That'll be great won't it..? Why must we be examed on crap stuffs like.. the cost of a company.. how to reduce it's cost and ways a company can calculate it's cost like the ABC (Activity Based Costing). Why can't it be an exam on A, B, C instead.. only 3 letters! Haha, won't our lives and the lecturer's and tutor's life be easier..? Well.. guess life ain't that easy!

Oh yeah, blur blur actually cycled today! Talking bout miracles huh..? Don't think she looks like someone who would get on the bike.. but she actually survived! And guess what.. one of the annoying guys in college is moving to our floor.. my god.. why of all places.. greycourt 1st floor..? Why not.. another building or maybe move out of IH? He'll make everyone's life better! Yet again... life is never easy.. never gonna be easy and will never ever be easy!

Well i'll sign off with the translation of one of my favourite songs.. sekai ga owaru ma dewa by wands.. go download it..!

In this big city I am all alone
Like an empty can, thrown away
Until we know each other thoroughly
If it's love, then let's sleep in eternity...

Until the world is over, we won't be apart
So I asked in a thousand nights
Why does only a time that won't return is shining
Even a worn out heart will break...
Hopeless thoughts... In this Tragedy Night

Then people demand an answer
And lose something that's irreplaceable
A city filled with desires, even night skies stardust don't shine on us

Before the world is over, please listen to me
A Catastrophe the looks like a full-blown flower
While everyone wishes, no one believes in eternity
Even though they certainly dream about tomorrow
Hopeless days and... This Tragedy Night

Until the world is over, we won't be apart
So I asked in a thousand nights
Why does only a time that won't return is shining
Even a worn out heart will break...
Hopeless thoughts... In this Tragedy Night

This Tragedy Night

a post for you Raymond... and an early Birthday Shout out to Dhanitha and Ck!

Yeap, three things are happening tomorrow. It'll be Ck's 21st and Dhanitha's 20th birthday! Hope both of you have a great birthday and may you guys have a great year ahead of you! Most importantly, one of my good friend, Raymond is leaving for Malaysia and then UK tomorrow.

Well Raymond, here is a small piece of advice for you. What you want may not be what you get all the time. That's what I feel at least, you might think that what you are asking for is just a simple thing and even that it can't be fulfilled. You felt that you fought for it and you tried hard for it. That might be the case for now, but be patient, I'm really sure good things are coming your way. Maybe it'll take a long time, but just hang in there for a while more. You are a great person that's for sure, so I think you need not worry not having friends on your side or anything at all. I really hope the change of environment for you would do you good.

It's been a nice time knowing you for three semesters and I really appreciate the times that we discussed about each other's life, using anime characters to represent our lives and all that. Like the anime characters, I hope you can keep on moving and learn the never say die attitude let it be in UK, melbourne or anywhere at all. Don't worry too much about not being able to participate in a match, I'm sure your time will come when the organisers realizes ur talent. Haha.. anyways, I hope when you go over to UK, there'll be more matches and the organisers are always willing to let you participate.

Besides that, I mean, even though I don't realize it, life is not always what you see only, it's actually more than that. You might not be able to see it right now, but as the time goes by, you'll realize that there is more to life! Most importantly, never give up and keep fighting with the Shohoku spirit..!

Anyways, I wish you best of luck in UK and I hope that things will change for the better for you! Good luck and all the best my friend!

Three options in life : search.. guess... ignore..

Search...
You always search for answers.. search how others think of you, how they judge you and how they really treat you. You search for care by giving others care. You seek for help from those you care when you are in trouble. However, you get confused sometimes but all you can do is continue searching. You try to understand why people act in a certain way. You wonder whether they are naive, ignorant or they are just the way they are and they are just selfish. You can't help to wonder whether they only see themselves in their eyes. You can't help to think whether they actually care about others or they are just putting up an act to make themselves look good in front of others. They don't realize that when they are doing certain stuffs, they are affecting others as well. This option is HARD!

Guess...
You make the wrong guess bout yourself, that's alright, but when you make a wrong guess bout others, you are screwed MATE! So, I'm quite sure I won't guess anything again..

Ignore...
Ignore is the best option to choose. Ignore about what others think of you. Ignore how others actually treat you, whether they are real or they are fake. It doesn't really matter. Ignore it when others bring you down, ignore it when others do not really care what you do. Live life the way you want, ignore them! Ignore those bastards who only think of themselves and not other's trouble! Ignore care, care only for yourself! Ignore everyone! Your life will be much simpler and care-free!

those were the days we will never get again...

I've been looking at pictures and videos of the past two semesters, it just strikes me, what went wrong? who changed? Is it me? Is it them? or is it everyone has changed? It really makes me wonder when will be the next time, we'll go crazy again, dancing to the beat even without getting drunk, talking till the next morning in a group, studying in the JCR and singing random songs. Everything seems to pass by so fast just like a dream I had last night. Sometimes, you wish you could just stay at the best moments of your life and never move from there, but you know you can't. You wish you could turn back the clock and change certain things or avoid something. You wish to go back to happier times, when everyone was still the same, but you know that is impossible.

I really think the world would be a better place if no one ever grows up, just being childish and happy all the time. Life would be much simpler and there will be not so much arguments at all. Even if there were, everyone will forgive one another and just continue having fun. I really want to do that, but I know I can't. People say that, as you grow up, you sacrifice more and more stuffs. Is fun part of the things that you sacrifice..? Why can't everyone just lead a simple life? The fact is i'm 19 plus, I can't act childish anymore, I want to have fun, but I have to be mature as well. Regardless what everyone, say everyone is judging one another all the time and everyone has to be responsible for their actions.

At the end of the day, there are many things that you wished you have not done or wished that it had not change. The fact is that, things have changed, people change as well and there's nothing we could do about it. Those fun days will be in everyone's memories until the day they leave this world. 20 years from now, you'll look back at the pictures and say, hey, I did have fun alright. However, the point is that, there's no way we could turn back time and there's no way we could change the past. We could just move on and look to a brighter future... and hope that things will change for the better..