Sometimes I find it hard to be myself.. a person juggling so many thoughts in my mind.. It feels hard worrying about studies, assignments, chores, lectures, tutorials and going to the gym. The fact that I'm a pessimist and a person with low self-esteem makes things even worse.. sometimes a person like me can find it really hard to pass a day without even being paranoid.. I feel like.. I'm the exact person my dad is.. he's is paranoid all the time and worries bout small little stuffs like me.. being robbed or kidnapped on the way home from mamak, my sister not calling back from work to tell him that she's coming back soon, whether the shower heater has been switched off when leaving the house, whether the car has been locked when he left the car, whether all the doors in the house are properly locked, a mysterious phone call from no one, and also every single bark that the dog makes at night.. sometimes, I feel it for him.. cos I'm just like him..
It's not easy being like that.. when everything you ever thought of was the negative side of a situation.. the negative consequences of a decision.. everytime during an exam.. I triple check the MCQ paper.. to make sure I did not mark on the MCQ paper wrongly.. and sometimes.. when I have no time to check my student ID.. I get worried that I might have written my name wrongly.. I get worried about the tutor and lecturers know that I gave them a bad review in the QOT.. ok I was a bit mean there.. but I was merely telling the truth... I worry bout giving out my name and date of birth to the telemarketer.. I worry and worry and worry all day.. for stupid things..
Not to mention.... I worry what people think of me.. whether they are pissed off with me or whatsoever.. I'm skeptical of human behaviour.. I'm vary of their actions.. I analyse them.. before I trust them.. I don't merely trust them.. I'm skeptical of true love.. and trust in more material stuffs like money.. I believe nothing is more important than the love,care and attention u get from your family.. so I try to give everything I have to them.. I believe you might just walk out on the street one day and get knock down by car.. I worry when I rush by a traffic light that is turning red.. worrying whether I got the ticket.. U can call people like me being a realist.. but sometimes.. it's not easy.. it really is not easy to be me..
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13 comments:
chill la~~~
^_____^
Well,I like to call this
"It's all in the genes man!!!"
But from a doctors point of view, it means u hav taken the 1st step...acknowledging ur problem and thus u hav a better chance to fix it..dun give up..if u think there's a prob...slowly...try to get rid or the paranoias....emotions r hard to control...really...but take it easy n take it slow....take care
well, you know..its great that you know what type of person you are, and you should expand on it to be a strength instead of thinking about it as a weakness.
everything can be turned :)
and isnt it wondeful that you have friends who care !!?? :)
You know that you worry too much when you are worrying about worrying, no? I think we must go on a camp one day where i can teach you the carefree way of the hippy. =)
I hope this doesn't make you feel worse, but i find it's easier to stop worrying when you know that a lot of things are out of your control and worry or not, it's going to happen. For me, just try your best and cross your fingers!
Worry so much get wrinkles and grey hair lah.. *HuGz*! =)
sheanee pohh...y that day come when we were not around!!!! next time bring more puffy puffss!!! heheheeh....
haha.. thanks a lot guys! this was quite a random posts.. i was just really annoyed with the fact that I'm always paranoid over some small things.. haha.. especially around this period of time.. anyways.. thanks for all the care people..!
I worry about writing my student ID wrong too and sometimes I'm worried about why I'm not worried about exam! Hehe..u're not alone out there man :p Erm..and stealing the line from some famous footballer club, something bout not walking alone ? Lol..
Oh.. I secretly have this mini panic attack after the exam that I forget either my write my name or student no the multiple choice sheet, or panic if I was required to sign my name somewhere on it. hehe
Anyhoo... that's why you have meeee...! optimism is contagious u knoe. =) plus, how to worry when u see my cute face?
veron:
hehe.. that's liverpool's line... you'll never walk alone.. well.. I hope I worry less much.. but I should worry why I'm not studying right now! die larr..! see.. you're not walking alone too.. haha
jo:
nvr knew you will panic also.. u seem to calm sometimes.. maybe that's when you panic! haha.. your face... not cute enough to make me not worry ler.. hehe..
jo cute?? *choke*
Damien:
How i noe? so late already still not home yet... where did you and keehong go?? *winkz*
arloe.. I was still at uni.. damien went on a date.. with.. ahem ahem.. hehehehhehe..
huh?? what ahem ahem??
hehe
u ask him lerr..
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