week 6...

Another weekend when by like a breeze, and again it's already week 6. We're already halfway through the semester. Yet again, it feels like I've just took the flight from Malaysia and arrived here last night. Everything seems to be going so fast regardless when you are happy or when you are not. I've grown in these 6 weeks. I've learnt more, I can't say I accomplished more because I'm still as slack as ever. I've learnt to change to come out of the shell that I used to be. I admit, there are still a lot of things I'm not satisfied about myself and I wished I could do better and move forward faster. I always wished for a lot of situations to be different, but I know it will never be and it will always be that way. Truth aren't always nice, are they..? Haha.. guess I just have to deal with it like a man.

This few days, a lot of things ran through in my mind about moving out of IH. I asked myself... would I be happier if i moved out..? How drastically would my life change compared to the life I'm having now..? The good thing about IH is.. you always get to talk to someone when you're bored. Unless we move out in a group, we will never get that. Besides that, you don't have to clean the floor when u mess it up and you don't have to cook all the time! Yeah, I know about my bragging about how sucky life is at IH for the past god knows how many weeks. But, I'm asking myself whether would I be happier or different if I was not here..? How about my beloved game of basketball..? I will not get to play it again..! Gosh.. A huge chunk of my time is spent on basketball, without it, I don't know what I'll be doing..! Sitting around my room and just do nothing..? Haha, I really can't imagine life without basketball... I play basketball almost everyday after dinner. It might not be a sport I'm good in or have an ideal height for.. but I feel like every game is a challenge to me.. every game is different.. with different strategy.. different energy and etc.

I'm confused.. I've always thought I wanted to move out, but suddenly all these things struck me.

10 things i observed from clubbing...

Well, last night was quite a crazy night... I started off buying some hair dye and got cc and ken to helped dye my hair... In the end, there was so much dye that damien, ken and CC could dye their hair as well! haha, so right, now all four of us... has similar hair colour! After that, we decided to go to the loft for clubbing. It was a decision made within 5 minutes and my first ever clubbing experience in Melbourne, yeah I know.. I'm a sad person. Sameer, Rahul K. , Anand, Damien, Ena, Dharen, CC, Ken and I decided to try out the club loft. One of the jokers got kicked out after 2 hours into the night... that was his second time in the space of like.. 3 weeks..? That was amazing...! I wonder what happenned this time... Anyways... I had an ok time... but could see that the rest didn't really enjoy it except for Damien, Anand, and Ena...

1. The place is packed, there is no place to move around...
2. There are more guys than girls at the end of the night so you're basically rubbing your asses with theirs by then..
3. The drinks are expensive, $9 for a bottle of heineken, wahlau!
4. Most of the guys there are there to check out the girls... (doesn't exclude me.. hehe)
5. Most of the guys there.. try too hard.. (ask Anand!)
6. You get pushed to the corner by guys in the dance floor if they see a hot chick dancing there.. or you get pushed by a group of girls if you they see a hot guy dancing!
7. You can't lean on someone's car when you're out of the club!
8. If you don't have balls, you don't pick up! Exception rule: It might be your lucky night.. and you don't even have to try and the girls come to you.. YOU LUCKY BASTARD DW..!
9. If you dance near some girls.. and you don't say anything at all to them... THEY GET PISSED! gosh..
10. Supper after clubbing is always good.. but you tend to fall asleep!

purpose of life...

The weekend passed by like a breeze, shoooo...... two days gone, back to uni on monday. This weekend wasn't too productive, didn't do much, just stayed in and basically watch movies and soccer. Gosh.. weekends could be quite dry over in melbourne sometimes unless u have a car. Most of the time I feel that my day's wasted cause I usually get up at 1 or 2 and by the time I get up the day's already almost over. But yeah.. weekends are sometin that I would looked forward to.. eventhough it could be boring. IH had their open day today, it's good to see parents bringing their kids around the college, smiling and feeling satisfied with the tour you provide them. Most of them looked really amazed with the college. For me, it's 50 bucks earned!

Yesterday, a friend of mine asked me... what's the purpose of life and what's there left to drive you on when you feel your life has no purpose. I gave him an answer, but I don't think that really answered his question. I told him life's a challenge everyday and he's gotta challenge himself everyday. I just wanted him to feel better but I actually do not know. I am as lost as he is. That's one thing I can't understand till now. Sometimes if u asked me, I would say, I would rather be a char kuay teow seller and at least all that I have to think about is to improve my char kuay teow and look at my customer's satisfied face instead of having to study hard and get a job in the complicated corporate world. Sometimes, I sit down and ask myself.. why am I doing this..? What satisfaction do I get from what I'm doing..? Is this really what I want to do..?

I guess life is a cycle that we can't explain but just go on with it. You don't always get the things you really one. You might not be perfect, but you just have to fight for yourself and improve yourself. Things might not look good some times. But hey, you still got plenty of time! Your life might be better tomorrow or in the later years.. just gotta be patient. Everyone has their day and everyone will eventually get what they deserve. It's just like a boat drifting in the ocean, it will eventually find a right and nice island to land on one day. It might not be sure of its direction right now, but when it locates the island, there is where it'll go.

Shit.. analogies again.. hahahhaha.. I should be writing short stories! Haha, enough of preaching.. time for some SLEEP! Have fun for the rest of weekend everyone!

a strange feeling... (emptiness)

Something certainly seems missing from my life in Melbourne. Everytime I'm in my room, some how this negative feeling(emptiness) fills within me. It's a really strange feeling.. it feels so quiet, sometimes soothing but at times it really makes you quite depressed. It seems like the whole world quiets down in your room and the only thing that accompanies me are my songs on my Itunes playlist. I have quite a number of songs... but i seem to be repeating the same songs over and over again. Haha... guess I'm a boring person.

Back to this strange feeling... it takes it's toll on you sometimes. Sometimes you get really sick of it, but there's nothing you could do. There are times that you have to be alone and do your own work or your own stuffs. Well, maybe this semester I've had too much time alone. Aside from playing basketball and chess and cooking I seem to do nothing in my room. Well, i thought having fishes would keep me company, but you just can't stare at that for hours. Ok fine... maybe I don't have the patience to just sit down and look at them swim all the time. Maybe once in a while it's alright. Haha...

Guess.. I'm just sick and tired of doing my reading for my OB assignment, eventhough it's not much reading. I'm just lazy.. that's the fact. Everytime I'm doing work, I'll find an excuse to divert myself into doing something else. I really hope I could fill in more to my life, so that I won't feel this feeling of emptiness. It's good sometimes.. but too much of it.. just makes ur life quite depressing. Guess I have to come out of my shell in greycourt a bit more or probably find some stuffs to do. Any suggestions..? Hehe.. anyways.. back to work..! I shouldn't be slacking..

perceptions...

It's been about 3 weeks since I came back to Melbourne. Things did not start off the way I really wanted it to be, I was troubled by a lot of problems especially with my self-esteem. I felt irresponsible for certain decisions I made. I felt like I could have done better with certain aspects of my life. Well, life's like that.. full with wrong decisions and perceptions.

Sometimes, you hope that the person you care for would really care about you, but I guess in reality things doesn't always go that way. I know I might not be the greatest of person anyone could trust or talk to. I know I might not be the fun guy that could cheer you up when you're down, but at least I know, when you need my help and if you are my good friend or you are a nice person, I would definitely help you. I don't come up with lies that certain people are my good friend and when I'm behind their backs I say different stuffs about my friendship with them. For those ppl, I'm sorry but you are jus not a true friend and you are a hypocrite. I might have criticised certain people or certain individual, but at that point when I'm making that comment it's either I was too angry or I wasn't really thinking. If I've ever done that, I sincerely apologise.

I just hope that certain people would hold to their words. When they tell you nice stuffs like you are a nice guy, you are my best friend or whatsoever, I really hope they actually mean it. Words can be said at anytime and any place but the most important thing is that, they sincerely come out from you. It really beats the point if you go around and tell everyone you're my good friend or whatsoever hoping that you'll have more friends or your friends will help you when you need help. If some of you out there think that I'm not good enough to be your friend, then let me know. I wouldn't say a word..

I can't say that I'm perfect person that have never really made a mistake before, I have made mistakes before and I really regret it right now. I know I shouldn't hope for appreciation when I offer help to anyone at all, but seriously some appreciation will really make up someone's day.

Well, I guess life will never be conflict-free or problem-free. In life, we have to put up ourselves with a lot of truths and lies. We even lie to ourselves sometimes just to put give ourselves some hope. It's not wrong to hope, but it just means that you're lying to yourself.

Hmmmm... my recent posts sounds like morale studies or something like that. I guess I should stop here. Have a pleasant weekend everyone..

CLICK!

hehe.. i watched the movie click! last night off the network. It just makes me think how wonderful would life be under one click! Imagine if someone nags at u, u just need to mute tht person. Or if your neighbour's dog is being a nuisance, just turn the volume down! If u hate certain days of your life or u know it's gonna be a tiring day, jus click forward. Where else, if you are having a good day, you might just wanna pause ur day and let everything stop for that very moment!

Well.. Well.. i guess life ain't that easy and everything's not just a click away! Well, some internet broadcasters might advertise their product with the famous phrase everything is just a click away, but in reality, u actually have to type the blardee webpage's address or maybe even search for it. Even if life was that easy, there are just too many details in our daily life that can't be fast forwarded like that or put onto pilot mode.

As much as I want to have a universal remote control that controls everything, I know in reality we have to face the challenges in our daily life with a positive attitude. Besides that, going forward alone in your life, doesn't mean that you are happy! Well, i feel like I'm preaching, hehe, guess I'm just bored and just wanna post this up so that I don't have to start on my assignment. But oh well, guess I have to go... CLICK!

ANYWAYS, ANYONE KNOW WHERE TO GET A TOILET SEAT WARMER..? TOILET SEATS IN MELBOURNE ARE FREAKING COLD!

there's gotta be more... at least more in my life...

My life has some what become like a daily waste to me. I get up after at least 9 hours of sleep. Even some times when I have 10 hours of sleep i still complain that I'm tired and sleepy. Something is so wrong with me. I don't seem to have the right motivation to be doing things i should be doing. I seem to have gone from bad to worse. I really don't know what's going on with my life. It seems like I spend half a day thinking about unnecessary stuffs and another half of the day sleeping or just wasting my time in front of the laptop.

I've got tonnes of assignments, tute works, and revision of my studies to go through. At this rate, I seriously think I would end up in Malaysia jus frying char kuay teow or sell chicken rice. No kidding! I know I shouldn't live such a life, I know there's more to my life. I know I wasn't here just for me to waste my time or just to wait for summer to come by. There's gotta be more, I'm sure there's gotta be more than this.

Sometimes, I think I choose to be like this, I choose to be the way I am when I know there are more things that I could do or think about. I know a what's going on and it's just me who's preventing myself in excelling in life. My ever-same attitude which is so pessimistic and my lack of courage and determination is preventing me from achieving so much more in life. I think I'm a quitter in many ways. I know what's wrong.. it's just that, I never put an effort to change it. My favourite phrase in my life is.. 'I duno ler, screw it, everything will fall in place eventually.' That's rubbish! I know for sure, everything wouldn't just be there without me putting in any effort. I feel I ain't much different from those idiotic ah bengs going around and collecting protection fees. I'm just like one of them...

I need a change! I want to change! I want to have more than just wasting my day with some routine! I want to be different! BUT HOW..?

cartoons...

Some people think cartoons are really retarted or childish. Others might think cartoons are just for kids and laugh off the idea of watching cartoons. Well, some watch cartoons just for the animation. Yeah, cartoons might always end up with the perfect ending where everyone is happy and all's good which seems unrealistic in many ways cos real life ain't cartoon. Well, i watched cars on my laptop today and i think otherwise...

Cartoons may be unrealistic but we can learn a lot from watching cartoons. From cars, I realized that you don't always have to get everything you want in life to be happy. Sometimes, the simple things in life are those stuffs that really make you happy. I realize the situation I'm in right now is just like lightning mcqueen at the start, all solo and no teamwork. Well, it might get stuffs done but am I really that happy after all..?

Yeah, I have to agree it ain't easy to change, not just after a couple of days building roads. Besides that, I also learnt that you can look at a situation from many perspectives, the good ones or the bad ones. It's all up to you to choose which side you want to look at things from. Well, might sound easy but it's quite hard to always look at things from the good side, especially for a pessimist like me. Hehe..

Anyways, cartoons aren't always just about the animation, the cute characters and they are not jus for kids, there's more to it, like the meanings behind it and the relaxation that you get out of watching it. So, the next time someone tells you cartoons are lame, tell him/her to look at things differently!

my routined life...

Well.. my life has some what become of a routine, doing the same thing over and over again. Haha, chess, basketball, eating, going to uni, reading mangas. That's all I do everyday! I hardly go down to the dinning hall for meals anymore, I really don't know why, but guess I'm just too lazy and there are some things or some stuffs that I just wanna avoid till I've overcome it. I'm trying really hard to get started with my studies and catch up for the time I've wasted on doing and thinking of stupid stuffs, but I really really don't know how to get started!!! DAMN!

Sometimes, I question myself over and over again.. whether I'm just a coward hiding in my room and waiting for things to fall in place by itself without putting any effort. I like to wait till it's too late until the situation can't be changed, that's what I realized about myself. I feel that I could be quite idiotic sometimes. For instance, I don't even know how long 5m is..? CAN U BELIEVE THAT.. I've done physics for like 3 years, and I can't even estimate how long 5m is... I really doubt my intelligence, guess I shouldn't be at uni and sell char kuay teow or bak kut teh back home, at least I won't waste my parent's money.

Well, at the moment, I've found myself a short term goal which is to have my holidays as soon as possible, not the mid-semester break but end of the year break, that's how much I'm looking forward to be back with my family. I really miss them... Other than that, I can't really tell what else am I looking forward to. It's like I'm a drifter that's following the wind and let it take me to where ever it wants to.