Friday night.. all alone

After all that progress I had, suddenly i found that it was in the middle of nowhere. It's so hard to get the team together. Everytime i get down for dinner, I can't sit quietly and eat my meal, I have to go up to them one by one to tell them that we're gonna have practice right after dinner. That's why I just hate to get down for dinner! The team was a shambles today.. it seemed nowhere near a theatre sports team.. if they were to do that in the competition.. I don't know how much embarassment we'll get.

Sometimes, you really feel that you can't make it on your own and you need your friends there to support you, but.. when I really needed them.. they were nowhere to be found... Well, maybe I have not communicated with them well enough.. or maybe they are just too busy with their own stuffs.. So I guess, I'm pretty much on my own.. for the rest of this journey.. at least for now..

I really can't remember.. the last time.. I can get everything out of my head and actually relax.. I have so much on my mind sometimes.. I feel like my brain is jammed... My energy seems to drain so fast.. and I feel tired all the time.. I don't know how long I can go on like this.. maybe it's not as bad as it seem.. just that.. my emotions make matters worse.. I don't know what I could do.. I'm just lost at the moment.. haha.. do u call that.. a teenage turning to an adult life crisis..? You don't know what you're up to.. you really don't know who's on your side.. and you are JUST LOST..

I really hope for things to improve quickly.. I pray for a miracle to happen.. I hope someone could come along the way and pick me up from the ground.. help me build my confidence again.. Guess all this miracles, they hardly happen to me.. There's no one I could turn to to relate my problems.. I find it so hard.. keeping it all to myself.. it feels like a volcano.. that is gonna erupt really soon.. or maybe I feel like a pressure cooker.. with too much pressure.. that is going to explode.. I just feel that no one understands me at the moment.. Sorry for the negativity yet again.. but that's just the way I am.. can't change...