Love is a probably an aspect of my life that I have not mentioned about or written about.. firstly, it's one of the aspects in my life that I can't handle that well and I have quite a number of heartbreaking experiences in this area... Recent happenings to my friends has put extra doubts on relationships.. Maybe I watched too much American Pie and my perception of relationships has changed quite a fair bit. Well, I guess relationships are like technology.. they evolve as time changes.. people want different things and need different things from a relationship.. A few decades back.. falling in love with one person.. means being with them forever (well.. at least that's my perception of people back then).
So what do I think couples seek out of relationship nowadays.. For guys.. the main thing would definitely be to able to have sex and to engage in whatsoever sexual intercouse.. relationship is like a licence to do so.. well.. for girls.. I would believe.. sex is important as well.. but I guess.. for them.. the thing that they seek out of a relationship is to have someone to be able to sacrifice for them and to have someone to be able to do something for them... Fair enough.. some of you would argue that.. friends with benefits would be able to do that as well... but think about it.. if you are in a relationship.. no one would bitch about u! Besides that, relationships nowadays are based much more around looks, money, and not primarily on qualities you see in the other person. OH.. convenience can also be a basis for a relationship! There are many more bull shits.. that could lead to a relationship.. well takes time to name them all!
Well, I would say.. relationships are really vague.. people who are in relationships.. sometimes they are not even sure whether they like the other person or they just want a companion because they are lonely. Some people are in relationships mainly because they want to have one. Long distance relationships is one thing that I never agreed and will never agree with.. it's just because.. I think physical presence in a relationship is very important instead of communicating with someone over the phone.. You can say whatever you want on the phone.. but when you are talking to one another face to face.. it's hard to lie.. it's hard for you to not tell the truth.. unless you are really cold blooded and you have no feelings for the other person at all.. LDRs just doesn't have the substance that is required in a healthy relationship (it might work for some people, I don't deny it). Well, I feel once you're separated from your partner, both of you just have your own lives and you just can't be monitoring their life over the phone, webcam or whatsoever no matter how great the technology is.
Well, maybe I haven't met someone that I would trully love and would trully sacrifice for.. at this stage, I would say I'm rather immature to be in a relationship.. but from my very own experience.. relationships work both ways.. it doesn't work if only one side is putting in the effort and the other side is just half-hearted. Yeah.. love is blind.. but you can't be blind forever and be the one giving in all the time.. Everyone seeks for the perfect one.. the perfect love.. the perfect relationship.. the perfect marriage... but how many actually gets it..? Think about it..
Well, it's rather a long post.. should end it here.. to all the people who are in relationships.. appreciate it! To those who don't have one.. you ain't that bad.. don't worry.. and to those who has problems with relationships and LDRs.. well.. good luck mate!
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
6 weeks left...
8.45 a.m in the morning, a rare sight for me, Kee Hong Tan to be at the dinning table, having breakfast and talking some random bull shit with some other people that I hardly talked to. People actually laugh when they see me, it's as though it's criminal for me to be down for breakfast! First thing they asked me was.. hey.. why so early..? I decided to wake up early today to have some bacons with eggs that I have been wanting to have for quite some time. I realize yesterday that I got 6 weeks left to do so and that means there is 5 more times for bacon and eggs excluding this breakfast.
If you were to ask me whether I enjoyed my IH life, I wouldn't know how to answer your question. I would say it was hell of a year last year when everything was new and everyone seemed so interesting. It's just like when you get something new, you tend to want to use it more, as it wears out, you seem to be keeping it aside more and more. Well, my IH life could have been better if I actually made an effort to know more people and to talk to more people. Partially it was my fault for my not so interesting year this year. Yeah, you can blame it on being a senior and tell others you just can't be bothered to repeat the whole process u did at o-week where you just ask some random bull shit to know some other people. Little did I know at o-week, that I would end up with a bunch of fijians, sri lankans, two unique indians, one sissy malaysian boy, and two blur than ever malaysian girls ( I didn't know most of them during o-week). It seems like it's been a while.. and along this journey.. a lot seemed to happenned.. some good, some bad, some just can't be explained by words. Sometimes, you wish u could go back to all the good moments and have a good laugh when everything was simple and care-free.. but all you could do now... is look at those pictures on your laptop.. and smile at ur silliness..
A part of me wants to leave IH.. a part of me doesn't want to... eventhough I'm not exceptionally sure that one thing that makes me not want to leave. Maybe it's the hassle...? Maybe I still love being in IH..? Maybe it's basketball..? I really don't know.. All I know is.. for the next 6 week or so.. I'll try to make the most of my IH life.. get closer to more people... try to make more friends before I leave and make full use of their facilities! hahahahhaha.. at least I can tell myself that I actually accomplished something...
Short note: Thanks to all those people who cared for me while I'm sick.. appreciate it.. I went to the doctor already.. he said i would cure in 1 or 2 months.. GOSH.. it's some post viral cough or some bull shit like that.. he didn't want to give me any medicine but on request he gave me an ASTHMA INHALER.. how cool is that..?
If you were to ask me whether I enjoyed my IH life, I wouldn't know how to answer your question. I would say it was hell of a year last year when everything was new and everyone seemed so interesting. It's just like when you get something new, you tend to want to use it more, as it wears out, you seem to be keeping it aside more and more. Well, my IH life could have been better if I actually made an effort to know more people and to talk to more people. Partially it was my fault for my not so interesting year this year. Yeah, you can blame it on being a senior and tell others you just can't be bothered to repeat the whole process u did at o-week where you just ask some random bull shit to know some other people. Little did I know at o-week, that I would end up with a bunch of fijians, sri lankans, two unique indians, one sissy malaysian boy, and two blur than ever malaysian girls ( I didn't know most of them during o-week). It seems like it's been a while.. and along this journey.. a lot seemed to happenned.. some good, some bad, some just can't be explained by words. Sometimes, you wish u could go back to all the good moments and have a good laugh when everything was simple and care-free.. but all you could do now... is look at those pictures on your laptop.. and smile at ur silliness..
A part of me wants to leave IH.. a part of me doesn't want to... eventhough I'm not exceptionally sure that one thing that makes me not want to leave. Maybe it's the hassle...? Maybe I still love being in IH..? Maybe it's basketball..? I really don't know.. All I know is.. for the next 6 week or so.. I'll try to make the most of my IH life.. get closer to more people... try to make more friends before I leave and make full use of their facilities! hahahahhaha.. at least I can tell myself that I actually accomplished something...
Short note: Thanks to all those people who cared for me while I'm sick.. appreciate it.. I went to the doctor already.. he said i would cure in 1 or 2 months.. GOSH.. it's some post viral cough or some bull shit like that.. he didn't want to give me any medicine but on request he gave me an ASTHMA INHALER.. how cool is that..?
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Never felt so sick in 2 years...
Seriously.. I hate being sick! It's as though your whole day is gloomy and all you ever did was trying to get some sleep. And even that, you can't do it properly! You seem to be coughing all the time, your nose seems to be running like a water tap... You get up a few times when you're sleeping just to drink water or puke.. but you still continue coughing! (I tried sleeping at 4 and I ended up sleeping at 8.30.. I couldn't sleep cause I needed to go to the toilet, I need a warm cup of water, I need to puke.. and I JUST WON'T STOP COUGHING.. DAMN!) You want to go for a run.. and when you do.. you realize.. you almost choke to death at the end of the run... You are hungry.. you missed brunch.. you want to go out and get some food.. you realize.. you're just too sick to get out of your room.. yet to go all the way to the city.. you realize you want to cook something.. there's nothing in the fridge.. yet again.... you can't be bothered to go to the city...
Gosh.. it's been a month since i started coughing.. i've never coughed for such a long time.. never felt so sick in like two years.. I got two assignments that are gonna due soon.. I got heaps of work to be done.. but I feel unwell.. and I really need to go to the doctor.. but you know.. you're just too sick.. to catch a tram and go see the doctor.. *whining*.. oh well.. i just hate seeing the doctor and eating medicine for some reason.. maybe had too much of them when I was young.. well.. the kee hong you see today.. isn't the same kee hong like 13 to 14 years back.. the kee hong back then.. was a weak.. and much thinner one.. oh well.. now that i've grown to be like a bull.. i'm still so weak.. SHITZZZZZZZZ.......
How I wish I was home.. at least someone could have drove me to the doctor.. or maybe some chinese medicine that my mom gets from the singse would have helped.. right now... I'm just stuck in my room.. waiting for the cough to cure by itself.. Seriously... it's not funny to fall sick.. when you're overseas.. You don't feel like eating sucky food when you're sick.. or you wished you had some porridge to eat.. (SHIT I COULD HAVE GOTTEN PORRIDGE DURING BRUNCH, COULDN'T WAKE UP!) and all SCHOLAREST serves you is shitty oilly food.. CURSE YOU.. SCHOLAREST!!! REALLY!!
Ok.. I'm just whining cos I'm sick.. wanna have a shower.. BYE!
On a plus side... Thanks to CC for the porridge and everyone else who offered me medicine and cared about my health.. thanks.. really appreciate it!
Gosh.. it's been a month since i started coughing.. i've never coughed for such a long time.. never felt so sick in like two years.. I got two assignments that are gonna due soon.. I got heaps of work to be done.. but I feel unwell.. and I really need to go to the doctor.. but you know.. you're just too sick.. to catch a tram and go see the doctor.. *whining*.. oh well.. i just hate seeing the doctor and eating medicine for some reason.. maybe had too much of them when I was young.. well.. the kee hong you see today.. isn't the same kee hong like 13 to 14 years back.. the kee hong back then.. was a weak.. and much thinner one.. oh well.. now that i've grown to be like a bull.. i'm still so weak.. SHITZZZZZZZZ.......
How I wish I was home.. at least someone could have drove me to the doctor.. or maybe some chinese medicine that my mom gets from the singse would have helped.. right now... I'm just stuck in my room.. waiting for the cough to cure by itself.. Seriously... it's not funny to fall sick.. when you're overseas.. You don't feel like eating sucky food when you're sick.. or you wished you had some porridge to eat.. (SHIT I COULD HAVE GOTTEN PORRIDGE DURING BRUNCH, COULDN'T WAKE UP!) and all SCHOLAREST serves you is shitty oilly food.. CURSE YOU.. SCHOLAREST!!! REALLY!!
Ok.. I'm just whining cos I'm sick.. wanna have a shower.. BYE!
On a plus side... Thanks to CC for the porridge and everyone else who offered me medicine and cared about my health.. thanks.. really appreciate it!
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
A poem to remember..
I stole this from a friend (su san) of mine's blog.. felt it was quite a good poem. Something I did in English literature in Form 5. I'll pay u for copyright fees when i get back... and remember to pay me for the click post... and actually raymond... I shall charge you for a walk to remember post.. haha..
If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
Rudyard Kipling
If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
Rudyard Kipling
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Insomnia...
It's 6 a.m in the morning... I can't really sleep.. but I really don't know why.. it's not that the floor is not comfortable.. it's not becoz i drank coffee.. I'm just awake.. and I still feel energetic.. I really don't know why..
It seems that the whole world is asleep and here I am.. watching everyone's world asleep.. it reminds me of that bsb song.. incomplete.. where one of its line says.. I'm awake while the world is half asleep.. I'm just too awake.. and I don't know what to do.. and I want to keep myself distracted.. so I'm posting this blog up.. I don't really know what to say at the moment.. cos I don't even know what I'm thinking.. I just feel numb.. I just feel soo empty.. and soo.... I don't know.. I can't describe how i feel.. a week of the holiday went by.. time passes by like a bullet train yet again.. leaving me behind..
I always feel that time and other people progresses without me... it's as though I'm this person.. who's always left behind the train.. chasing it.. hoping that one day he'll manage to hop onto it.. and get a ride on it.. I feel like.. other people are advancing way too fast.. leaving me behind.. is it because.. of my slow pace in doing things..? is it because I don't put in effort..? Is it because fate decides my life to be that way..?
I guess life is full of ups and downs.. but at the moment.. it looks like the sky is really grey.. it feels like the sun won't shine.. it feels like the star and moon won't show.. it feels like there's no tomorrow...
Well.. forgive me for my random analogies... I'm just too awake to be asleep.. haha... well to everyone's who's sleeping.. haf a nice sleep alright!
It seems that the whole world is asleep and here I am.. watching everyone's world asleep.. it reminds me of that bsb song.. incomplete.. where one of its line says.. I'm awake while the world is half asleep.. I'm just too awake.. and I don't know what to do.. and I want to keep myself distracted.. so I'm posting this blog up.. I don't really know what to say at the moment.. cos I don't even know what I'm thinking.. I just feel numb.. I just feel soo empty.. and soo.... I don't know.. I can't describe how i feel.. a week of the holiday went by.. time passes by like a bullet train yet again.. leaving me behind..
I always feel that time and other people progresses without me... it's as though I'm this person.. who's always left behind the train.. chasing it.. hoping that one day he'll manage to hop onto it.. and get a ride on it.. I feel like.. other people are advancing way too fast.. leaving me behind.. is it because.. of my slow pace in doing things..? is it because I don't put in effort..? Is it because fate decides my life to be that way..?
I guess life is full of ups and downs.. but at the moment.. it looks like the sky is really grey.. it feels like the sun won't shine.. it feels like the star and moon won't show.. it feels like there's no tomorrow...
Well.. forgive me for my random analogies... I'm just too awake to be asleep.. haha... well to everyone's who's sleeping.. haf a nice sleep alright!
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Thursday morning...
It seems that my daily routine is screwed up. Haha.. I sleep in the morning.. and I get up in the evening. I stay awake till like 7 a.m everyday... just doing random stuffs. What a holiday I would say.. it's a holiday that's exactly like my normal uni days! Guess...I've been having quite a holiday for myself for this past 2 years. I hardly do anything during uni days and only start studying on SWOT vac. Gosh.. at this rate I'm going.. I wonder where I'll end up this semester.
I finally let it out.. finally told what's on my mind.. I'm not exactly sure whether it helped the situation or it'll improve the situation.. All I know is.. at least.. I a part of those things bothering me for the past 3 or 4 days has subdued. Well, what's next? I really don't know.. Well, lets just hope I don't destroy the holiday mood for others. I mean.. after all it's holidays.. and everyone just wants to have fun.. Maybe I went over my usual limit, I hardly let it all out.. I hardly say anything.. but sometimes.. when it's all filled up... and you need space to store more stuffs.. you just have to find that space..
It really makes me think sometimes.. what's the most important personality one could really need to be a person loved by others. Is it to be caring..? Is it to be funny? or is it to just have loads of money so that you can buy others meals all the time..? Is it all about being cool, fun and accepted by others? I really can't tell.. but I guess the most important thing is.. to be yourself... be real.. then it doesn't really matter what other's think of you. After all, opinions are really subjective. Yeah, I know.. sometimes I tend to forget that and try to search for an identity for myself.
Sometimes you wish, you could understand what other's are thinking.. but it's not that easy especially when everyone has different thoughts and everyone is unique. You wish you know, what's up with someone who's not smiling at all.. you wish to know.. what's up with that person who does not seem to talk to you like how they used to.. but the fact is.. it's kinda impossible to do so.. there are a million reasons someone can be upset.. they can be upset with you or other reasons..
I understand now.. you play different roles in other's life.. sometimes your role is more important.. sometimes another person's role is more important.. as much as we hope for equality in life.. it doesn't really occur. As much as ppl don't say it out.. they know in their hearts.. that they already have a decision or preference when they were given the options.. it's just how to make the decision look good.. and satisfy everyone.. but yet again.. in that process.. you can never avoid.. hurting someone and make everyone satisfied.. well.. that's life.. people have preferences and I guess I can't blame them for their preference..
Well, I just have a lot to questions, doubts, etc... but I don't think I know how to type it out in words.. Haha.. anyways... good morning and enjoy your day..!
I finally let it out.. finally told what's on my mind.. I'm not exactly sure whether it helped the situation or it'll improve the situation.. All I know is.. at least.. I a part of those things bothering me for the past 3 or 4 days has subdued. Well, what's next? I really don't know.. Well, lets just hope I don't destroy the holiday mood for others. I mean.. after all it's holidays.. and everyone just wants to have fun.. Maybe I went over my usual limit, I hardly let it all out.. I hardly say anything.. but sometimes.. when it's all filled up... and you need space to store more stuffs.. you just have to find that space..
It really makes me think sometimes.. what's the most important personality one could really need to be a person loved by others. Is it to be caring..? Is it to be funny? or is it to just have loads of money so that you can buy others meals all the time..? Is it all about being cool, fun and accepted by others? I really can't tell.. but I guess the most important thing is.. to be yourself... be real.. then it doesn't really matter what other's think of you. After all, opinions are really subjective. Yeah, I know.. sometimes I tend to forget that and try to search for an identity for myself.
Sometimes you wish, you could understand what other's are thinking.. but it's not that easy especially when everyone has different thoughts and everyone is unique. You wish you know, what's up with someone who's not smiling at all.. you wish to know.. what's up with that person who does not seem to talk to you like how they used to.. but the fact is.. it's kinda impossible to do so.. there are a million reasons someone can be upset.. they can be upset with you or other reasons..
I understand now.. you play different roles in other's life.. sometimes your role is more important.. sometimes another person's role is more important.. as much as we hope for equality in life.. it doesn't really occur. As much as ppl don't say it out.. they know in their hearts.. that they already have a decision or preference when they were given the options.. it's just how to make the decision look good.. and satisfy everyone.. but yet again.. in that process.. you can never avoid.. hurting someone and make everyone satisfied.. well.. that's life.. people have preferences and I guess I can't blame them for their preference..
Well, I just have a lot to questions, doubts, etc... but I don't think I know how to type it out in words.. Haha.. anyways... good morning and enjoy your day..!
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
another 6 a.m post
It seems like my holidays revolves around sleeping late, wasting time and watching movies. I've basically watched like 8 movies in the space of two days. Well, at least movies keep me distracted and make my holidays slightly more meaningful than just wasting time. Yet another 6 a.m, yet I still feel really awake and I don't know whether I should try to sleep.. My sleeping time is so screwed up right now..! Arghhh...
I watched a really random movie today.. called 'American Beauty.' I really did not understand what the movie is all about. It's just a random family with lots of problems and I don't even know where the climax was.. the story was narrated by a guy who got shot on the head...! I mean.. it's quite ridiculous.. but yet again.. it's only a movie. Well, even though it was quite random.. it was unique in a way and it had a couple of lessons to be learnt from there.. like.. money can't buy happiness..? or maybe... don't cheat on your husband..? hmmm.. really can't tell.. haha
Movies sometimes could really make you believe that you could be a hero.. or maybe you could save the day or you'll get this hot chick at the end of the day and everything just goes smoothly for you. Movies usually only portrays the ideal world that we could imagine and how often does the hero in a movie die..? Well.. it's always.. the bad guys die and the good guys prevail.. or it's always a happy ending where the guy gets the girl he likes and lead a happy life.. does life always end up this way..? Guess not.. the world we live in... has much more complexity with harsh reality and truth..
People told me to believe in myself.. to have more self-confidence and to be more optimistic. Sometimes, you really want to.. it's just that maybe the environment doesn't allow you to do so.. or maybe you just can't find the right motivation don't put in enough effort. Everyone wants to make a difference, everyone wants a perfect personality, perfect partner, but yet again.. how many people actually succeed..? It annoys you sometimes when your weaknesses overshadow your strengths. Well, I guess.. life was never meant to be fair.. from the day you were born till the day you die.. there will always be imbalance.. but sometimes it's just sickening.. to fall over and over again.. and you find it hard to get up.. the fact is that.. reality is harsh.. and I guess I should learn to accept reality and to accept failure.. after all I'm no saint.. or hero..
I watched a really random movie today.. called 'American Beauty.' I really did not understand what the movie is all about. It's just a random family with lots of problems and I don't even know where the climax was.. the story was narrated by a guy who got shot on the head...! I mean.. it's quite ridiculous.. but yet again.. it's only a movie. Well, even though it was quite random.. it was unique in a way and it had a couple of lessons to be learnt from there.. like.. money can't buy happiness..? or maybe... don't cheat on your husband..? hmmm.. really can't tell.. haha
Movies sometimes could really make you believe that you could be a hero.. or maybe you could save the day or you'll get this hot chick at the end of the day and everything just goes smoothly for you. Movies usually only portrays the ideal world that we could imagine and how often does the hero in a movie die..? Well.. it's always.. the bad guys die and the good guys prevail.. or it's always a happy ending where the guy gets the girl he likes and lead a happy life.. does life always end up this way..? Guess not.. the world we live in... has much more complexity with harsh reality and truth..
People told me to believe in myself.. to have more self-confidence and to be more optimistic. Sometimes, you really want to.. it's just that maybe the environment doesn't allow you to do so.. or maybe you just can't find the right motivation don't put in enough effort. Everyone wants to make a difference, everyone wants a perfect personality, perfect partner, but yet again.. how many people actually succeed..? It annoys you sometimes when your weaknesses overshadow your strengths. Well, I guess.. life was never meant to be fair.. from the day you were born till the day you die.. there will always be imbalance.. but sometimes it's just sickening.. to fall over and over again.. and you find it hard to get up.. the fact is that.. reality is harsh.. and I guess I should learn to accept reality and to accept failure.. after all I'm no saint.. or hero..
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
A walk to remember..
It's 5 a.m in the morning.. I still can't sleep... I really don't know why am I still awake.. I really don't know why I am here.. right in front of the laptop.. typing this post.. guess I really have a lot to say.. but I just don't know how.. so I have to type it all out.. I really wish I could just say anything I want.. anything I feel and anything at all without having to face the consequences.. In the ideal world.. it would have been that, but not in the world that we live in. Once u made an embarassing mistake, it will haunt you forever and you'll never repeat the same old mistake again! It sucks when you have something to say.. but you just don't want to say it because you know.. it will only make the situation worse for yourself.. It sucks when you're treated differently from others.. Sometimes I hope that human functions as a computer.. u only choose the data that you want to remain.. and those that you don't want to.. you could delete them.. But in other ways.. humans are really like computers.. just like humans.. computers don't function well.. when there is too much data in the system and the memory space is low.. that's when you get 'crashes'. I guess I'm having a system crash now.. haha..
Well.....all ramblings said and done.. back to what I really want to talk about. I watched the movie.. a walk to remember today.. When it was first released in the cinemas and I saw Mandy Moore's name and Shane's name on the casting.. I was like yeah.. it's gonna be a bad movie.. after all that guy is from westlife.. haha.. it turns out that the Shane that acted in the movie wasn't that Shane from westlife.. haha.. Anyways.. it was quite remarkable for a college or high school kid to be able to do so much for his girlfriend.. I'm not sure whether it was based on a true story.. but it seems quite impossible to be true. Well, the story line was very much like the korean series 'Autumn In my Heart.' It was very different compared to other high school or college chick flicks.. haha.. I almost wept when that guy hugged his dad and cried... but I think I'm one person who would hardly cry.. haha.. guess I'm just emotionless.. It was quite a good storyline.. very touching to see how much both of them loves one another.. does that really happen anymore..? haha.. especially at high school or college.. doesn't seem like it..but man.. I wish I will never have to part with my loved one like that..
Oh well.. I'm just bored and I can't sleep....... Haha.. so decided to type out some bull shit.. anyways.. signing off.. have a great holiday everyone..
Well.....all ramblings said and done.. back to what I really want to talk about. I watched the movie.. a walk to remember today.. When it was first released in the cinemas and I saw Mandy Moore's name and Shane's name on the casting.. I was like yeah.. it's gonna be a bad movie.. after all that guy is from westlife.. haha.. it turns out that the Shane that acted in the movie wasn't that Shane from westlife.. haha.. Anyways.. it was quite remarkable for a college or high school kid to be able to do so much for his girlfriend.. I'm not sure whether it was based on a true story.. but it seems quite impossible to be true. Well, the story line was very much like the korean series 'Autumn In my Heart.' It was very different compared to other high school or college chick flicks.. haha.. I almost wept when that guy hugged his dad and cried... but I think I'm one person who would hardly cry.. haha.. guess I'm just emotionless.. It was quite a good storyline.. very touching to see how much both of them loves one another.. does that really happen anymore..? haha.. especially at high school or college.. doesn't seem like it..but man.. I wish I will never have to part with my loved one like that..
Oh well.. I'm just bored and I can't sleep....... Haha.. so decided to type out some bull shit.. anyways.. signing off.. have a great holiday everyone..
Monday, September 18, 2006
6 a.m walk/run in princess park
I haven't slept the entire night but I still feel awake. It was 5.45 a.m, I asked my friend on msn.. whether I should go for a run.. he told me, "Why not? If I was in Melbourne I would definitely do that." So, I set off on my little adventure to try running in princess park at 6 a.m in the morning. It was really windy, I started off running really fast.. I really wanna run off all my frustration, all my worries and everything that's I've kept inside me for so long... I wanna run it all away.. I told myself... I wanna run as fast as I could.. even the wind wouldn't stop me. Well.. eventually.. I was too tired.. I couldn't find that motivation that I always found when I ran in Princess Park.. it was just too windy.. As I ran.. I realize.. I've been always going against the wind.. trying to change things that's beyond my control and trying to force my way through.. I understand now.. there's no point to run against the wind.. it slows u down.. it tires you.. It tires you when you realize.. no matter how hard you try.. how fast you run.. you'll never run faster than others.. It tires you when people look at the fact.. you can't run faster than others.. it tires you.. when you're constantly compared with others who are better than you..
I decided to sit down at the railing... the wind blew gently at my face.. it felt so comfortable for one moment.. it felt so relaxing.. It was as if.. it told me to just stop running.. and just relax and look around you.. there's more than just completing that lap around the park. It's not how fast you run.. it's about how much you enjoy it. The swing caught my attention next.. I sat on it.. swinging myself a little bit.. it reminded me of my young days.. when everything was carefree and taken care of. I always wondered.. why can't I go back to those days..? But deep inside, I know.. I'm turning twenty soon.. I should be responsible for all my actions. I know I can't return to happy moments.. just as much as other people wants to.. I only have one option.. move forward.. yeah.. and so I did that.. and walked all my way back to IH.. was a bit long.. but quite relaxing..
I'm not sure if anyone even understands this post.. but it's just what I'm thinking at the moment.. haha... I realize.. I've been abusing my blog.. posting my anger and frustration on it.. well.. I'll see.. if this would change over the week.. well.. gonna go shoot some hoops and try to get to bed after this.. adios..
I decided to sit down at the railing... the wind blew gently at my face.. it felt so comfortable for one moment.. it felt so relaxing.. It was as if.. it told me to just stop running.. and just relax and look around you.. there's more than just completing that lap around the park. It's not how fast you run.. it's about how much you enjoy it. The swing caught my attention next.. I sat on it.. swinging myself a little bit.. it reminded me of my young days.. when everything was carefree and taken care of. I always wondered.. why can't I go back to those days..? But deep inside, I know.. I'm turning twenty soon.. I should be responsible for all my actions. I know I can't return to happy moments.. just as much as other people wants to.. I only have one option.. move forward.. yeah.. and so I did that.. and walked all my way back to IH.. was a bit long.. but quite relaxing..
I'm not sure if anyone even understands this post.. but it's just what I'm thinking at the moment.. haha... I realize.. I've been abusing my blog.. posting my anger and frustration on it.. well.. I'll see.. if this would change over the week.. well.. gonna go shoot some hoops and try to get to bed after this.. adios..
Saturday, September 16, 2006
"Why can't you be like him?"
Something really bothered me today.. I really don't know what is it, but I was jus really bothered. I'm really frustrated.. but I don't know what is the main thing that causes my frustration. I am not happy but I don't know what I am not happy about. I wanna improve but I don't know what I want to improve about.... I wanna break free.... but I don't know what I wanna breakfree from.. It's just one of those days that aren't going well and aren't going my way. It's hard to understand why because it's already the start of the holidays, yet I feel more frustration coming my way.
In my life, I always hated comparison. I hate it when my parents compare me with my other siblings. I hate it when they compare me with my cousins. When I was young I used to ask myself, why do I have to be like them? Why do I have to change..? It's not that I'm taking drugs or I'm a gangster.. I thought to myself.. they should be glad with the way I am.. after all I was just rebellious, nothing more than that.
Today, something really struck me.. one of my friend sorta asked me unintentionally.. he asked me.. "Why can't you be caring like him?" (I shall not disclose their names). I thought to myself.. for a very long time.. I didn't know what to reply him.. I thought and thought.. and I finally answered him.. "I am Kee Hong, he is himself, I'm sorry but I can't be like him." But in fact, sometimes, I wish I could be different.. not in every aspect, but some aspect. There a lot of things I would like to change.. but I know it's impossible to do so. Everyone says.. if there is a will there's a way.. does that always apply..? Sometimes. others try three times harder than others.. but in the end.. they don't get what they want.. sometimes people even sacrifice their lives to stand for what they believe in.. but.. what's the point?
Gosh....... just one of those days................... adiossssssssss................................. nitezzz....
In my life, I always hated comparison. I hate it when my parents compare me with my other siblings. I hate it when they compare me with my cousins. When I was young I used to ask myself, why do I have to be like them? Why do I have to change..? It's not that I'm taking drugs or I'm a gangster.. I thought to myself.. they should be glad with the way I am.. after all I was just rebellious, nothing more than that.
Today, something really struck me.. one of my friend sorta asked me unintentionally.. he asked me.. "Why can't you be caring like him?" (I shall not disclose their names). I thought to myself.. for a very long time.. I didn't know what to reply him.. I thought and thought.. and I finally answered him.. "I am Kee Hong, he is himself, I'm sorry but I can't be like him." But in fact, sometimes, I wish I could be different.. not in every aspect, but some aspect. There a lot of things I would like to change.. but I know it's impossible to do so. Everyone says.. if there is a will there's a way.. does that always apply..? Sometimes. others try three times harder than others.. but in the end.. they don't get what they want.. sometimes people even sacrifice their lives to stand for what they believe in.. but.. what's the point?
Gosh....... just one of those days................... adiossssssssss................................. nitezzz....
Monday, September 11, 2006
Week 8...
Can't believe it.. today is the start of week 8, after the two week holidays at the end of this week will mean that I have another month to finals. Time FLIES.. maybe time ROCKETS i think. Arghhh.. I got a freaking 20% mid-sem tomorrow, and here am I slacking my ass off, cos I really don't wanna do any work. REALLY REALLY hate that subject, LECTURER's DARN BORING!!!!!!!!
I just realized something... my name means angry in so many languages.. in HOKKIEN.. it means (ki hong = getting angry), if you translate it from hokkien to Malay.. it would mean 'Naik Angin' which means getting angry as well. Boy, I think I am an angry kid.. have to admit it. Got pissed off over some unfriendly Australians over the weekend, and I am really really think those people are just being racist or whatever. Hey, we're paying so much more as an international student, so at least appreciate us for sponsoring part of your education. It's not like we came here to take political advantage over you guys!
Ohhh...... is today september 11...??????? What an important date..! How could I have forgotten this date..? This is when the WTC came collapsing down.. killing thousands of people 5 years ago..! HAHAHAHHAHHA.. just kidding.. well.. today our 'not so young anymore' friend, sheanee aka blurblur finally turned 19! YOU ARE OLD.. NO LONGER 18!!! HAHA.. anyways.. hope you have a great time and may you have a great year ahead of you!
Well.. I gtg.. slacking so much is not gonna get me good grades!
I just realized something... my name means angry in so many languages.. in HOKKIEN.. it means (ki hong = getting angry), if you translate it from hokkien to Malay.. it would mean 'Naik Angin' which means getting angry as well. Boy, I think I am an angry kid.. have to admit it. Got pissed off over some unfriendly Australians over the weekend, and I am really really think those people are just being racist or whatever. Hey, we're paying so much more as an international student, so at least appreciate us for sponsoring part of your education. It's not like we came here to take political advantage over you guys!
Ohhh...... is today september 11...??????? What an important date..! How could I have forgotten this date..? This is when the WTC came collapsing down.. killing thousands of people 5 years ago..! HAHAHAHHAHHA.. just kidding.. well.. today our 'not so young anymore' friend, sheanee aka blurblur finally turned 19! YOU ARE OLD.. NO LONGER 18!!! HAHA.. anyways.. hope you have a great time and may you have a great year ahead of you!
Well.. I gtg.. slacking so much is not gonna get me good grades!
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Cold/ gloomy/ rainny day...
I slept for 10 hours last night! It was jus too cold to get out of my bed and my doona on top of me just made me feel so comfortable and so warm! I was supposed to get up at 9 a.m to get some work done, but instead I got up at 12 ! That's the problem with melbourne weather, always unexpectable and always make u sleepy. Here I am, contemplating whether I should go for my two lectures, starting at 4 and ending at 6. Gosh.. really hate ending at 6 in the evening, when u walk out of the lecture hall, it's just so sad and dark and cold! Hmm.. chilly weathers are alright but I hate it when it's rainny.. just makes the day so gloomy and makes u feel lazy! Maybe I'm just lazy and I'm just taking the weather as an excuse! Well... finally add the final touches to the OB group assignment, hopefully it's all ok and that CC and I doesn't have to re-edit.
Everyone seems to be falling sick in IH.. wonder who was the culprit who spread the flu bug around! It's so annoying to have a running nose and to top it off with constant coughing... My cough is much better.. probably because I stopped drinking those jasmine tea yesterday.. The lesson learnt from this story is.. DON'T DRINK TEA WHEN U'RE COUGHING or u have to get your ass up from ur comfy bed becoz your cough is annoying the shit out of you!!
Anyways, I spent a lot of money over the weekend on jeans and clothes, gosh I'm broke. Besides that, there are tonnes of birthdays coming up within this two months.. which means.. MORE PRESENTS and MORE CASH TO BE SPENT!! Gosh.. i hope I can owe them their presents first and give it to them some time in the future.. maybe distant future.. if i can remember that is.. hehehhehe... AND... THIS UPCOMING TWO MONTHS ARE CRUCIAL TO DETERMINE IF I CAN GO BACK FOR CNY..! Haha.. i feel like an idiot.. people pass their exams for the sake of their future.. i pass my exams.. so i could celebrate CNY! HAHA... explains how much I look to my future... still thinking i'll be a char kuay teow or BKT seller!
Hmmm.. the IH soccer team made it to the semis this time around.. I really envy them.. I wished i was part of them.. but I know I will never make it due to my lack of height and physique.. sometimes.. size does really matter.. I remember last year when the team had so many midgets like ME.. and we couldn't even perform.. I didn't understand why my coach did not put me in the team last year.. but now I know.. size does matter.. height does matter... ! So, since then, I've changed sport.. I've played more basketball ( sounds stupid.. if i don't have the height for soccer, how could I have the height for bball..?) I did not expect myself to achieve a lot in that game.. so basketball is kinda fun for me.. cos i dun expect myself to be good at it!
Anyways.. gtg and do some study! BYE!
Everyone seems to be falling sick in IH.. wonder who was the culprit who spread the flu bug around! It's so annoying to have a running nose and to top it off with constant coughing... My cough is much better.. probably because I stopped drinking those jasmine tea yesterday.. The lesson learnt from this story is.. DON'T DRINK TEA WHEN U'RE COUGHING or u have to get your ass up from ur comfy bed becoz your cough is annoying the shit out of you!!
Anyways, I spent a lot of money over the weekend on jeans and clothes, gosh I'm broke. Besides that, there are tonnes of birthdays coming up within this two months.. which means.. MORE PRESENTS and MORE CASH TO BE SPENT!! Gosh.. i hope I can owe them their presents first and give it to them some time in the future.. maybe distant future.. if i can remember that is.. hehehhehe... AND... THIS UPCOMING TWO MONTHS ARE CRUCIAL TO DETERMINE IF I CAN GO BACK FOR CNY..! Haha.. i feel like an idiot.. people pass their exams for the sake of their future.. i pass my exams.. so i could celebrate CNY! HAHA... explains how much I look to my future... still thinking i'll be a char kuay teow or BKT seller!
Hmmm.. the IH soccer team made it to the semis this time around.. I really envy them.. I wished i was part of them.. but I know I will never make it due to my lack of height and physique.. sometimes.. size does really matter.. I remember last year when the team had so many midgets like ME.. and we couldn't even perform.. I didn't understand why my coach did not put me in the team last year.. but now I know.. size does matter.. height does matter... ! So, since then, I've changed sport.. I've played more basketball ( sounds stupid.. if i don't have the height for soccer, how could I have the height for bball..?) I did not expect myself to achieve a lot in that game.. so basketball is kinda fun for me.. cos i dun expect myself to be good at it!
Anyways.. gtg and do some study! BYE!
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
5.30 a.m in the morning.. can't sleep...
It's 5.30 a.m in the morning, I really want to sleep, but everytime I lie down, I just start coughing! I really don't know what's wrong, but I just seem to be coughing and coughing! It's really annoying! I haven't had such a long stretch of coughing since quite some time.. I've been coughing for the past few weeks, it got better but became worse over the weekend! Gosh.. It's so annoying! Really can't take it..
This past few days has been quite shitty! Assignments, work and work and work! Got a mid-sem next week, tonnes of tutorials waiting for me to complete and an individual assignment for me to consider whether i should do it or not! Seriously, assignments are ok.. if you do it on ur own, at least you get to work at ur own pace and even if you screw up, you don't screw up others! It's just annoying that the Management department has to give us so many group assignments. I mean, I really don't find the point of doing group assignments.. you get pointless group meeting where ppl just sit down and wait to get out of there, you get to discuss, but ur main aim is still to get ur butt off there! And sometimes you want to complete your part, you have to wait for ur other group mates to complete theirs! And when they complete theirs, you realize.. it's not really to the point.. and you shouting at the computer screen.... WAT THE HELL IS THIS...? So, the point is.. why can't the friggin department just give us individual assignments..? It's much more simpler and more productive that way!
Gosh.. I'm just annoyed, and to top it all off.. I have to get sick, it's so annoying! So much things to do and you got this blardee phlegm in your throat, tickling it all the time and friggin running nose that just won't stop running..? WHY CAN'T IT JUST WALK..? gosh.. I'm just annoyed... I really want to sleep...
Anyways, HAPPY 20th Birthday to Ju-Lear...! You'll have to fill in your forms and everything else with a '2' at the front.. hahahah! Hope you enjoy urself and yeah best wishes!
Well.. I really need to sleep........... hope I'll stop coughing.... BYE!
This past few days has been quite shitty! Assignments, work and work and work! Got a mid-sem next week, tonnes of tutorials waiting for me to complete and an individual assignment for me to consider whether i should do it or not! Seriously, assignments are ok.. if you do it on ur own, at least you get to work at ur own pace and even if you screw up, you don't screw up others! It's just annoying that the Management department has to give us so many group assignments. I mean, I really don't find the point of doing group assignments.. you get pointless group meeting where ppl just sit down and wait to get out of there, you get to discuss, but ur main aim is still to get ur butt off there! And sometimes you want to complete your part, you have to wait for ur other group mates to complete theirs! And when they complete theirs, you realize.. it's not really to the point.. and you shouting at the computer screen.... WAT THE HELL IS THIS...? So, the point is.. why can't the friggin department just give us individual assignments..? It's much more simpler and more productive that way!
Gosh.. I'm just annoyed, and to top it all off.. I have to get sick, it's so annoying! So much things to do and you got this blardee phlegm in your throat, tickling it all the time and friggin running nose that just won't stop running..? WHY CAN'T IT JUST WALK..? gosh.. I'm just annoyed... I really want to sleep...
Anyways, HAPPY 20th Birthday to Ju-Lear...! You'll have to fill in your forms and everything else with a '2' at the front.. hahahah! Hope you enjoy urself and yeah best wishes!
Well.. I really need to sleep........... hope I'll stop coughing.... BYE!
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
week 6...
Another weekend when by like a breeze, and again it's already week 6. We're already halfway through the semester. Yet again, it feels like I've just took the flight from Malaysia and arrived here last night. Everything seems to be going so fast regardless when you are happy or when you are not. I've grown in these 6 weeks. I've learnt more, I can't say I accomplished more because I'm still as slack as ever. I've learnt to change to come out of the shell that I used to be. I admit, there are still a lot of things I'm not satisfied about myself and I wished I could do better and move forward faster. I always wished for a lot of situations to be different, but I know it will never be and it will always be that way. Truth aren't always nice, are they..? Haha.. guess I just have to deal with it like a man.
This few days, a lot of things ran through in my mind about moving out of IH. I asked myself... would I be happier if i moved out..? How drastically would my life change compared to the life I'm having now..? The good thing about IH is.. you always get to talk to someone when you're bored. Unless we move out in a group, we will never get that. Besides that, you don't have to clean the floor when u mess it up and you don't have to cook all the time! Yeah, I know about my bragging about how sucky life is at IH for the past god knows how many weeks. But, I'm asking myself whether would I be happier or different if I was not here..? How about my beloved game of basketball..? I will not get to play it again..! Gosh.. A huge chunk of my time is spent on basketball, without it, I don't know what I'll be doing..! Sitting around my room and just do nothing..? Haha, I really can't imagine life without basketball... I play basketball almost everyday after dinner. It might not be a sport I'm good in or have an ideal height for.. but I feel like every game is a challenge to me.. every game is different.. with different strategy.. different energy and etc.
I'm confused.. I've always thought I wanted to move out, but suddenly all these things struck me.
This few days, a lot of things ran through in my mind about moving out of IH. I asked myself... would I be happier if i moved out..? How drastically would my life change compared to the life I'm having now..? The good thing about IH is.. you always get to talk to someone when you're bored. Unless we move out in a group, we will never get that. Besides that, you don't have to clean the floor when u mess it up and you don't have to cook all the time! Yeah, I know about my bragging about how sucky life is at IH for the past god knows how many weeks. But, I'm asking myself whether would I be happier or different if I was not here..? How about my beloved game of basketball..? I will not get to play it again..! Gosh.. A huge chunk of my time is spent on basketball, without it, I don't know what I'll be doing..! Sitting around my room and just do nothing..? Haha, I really can't imagine life without basketball... I play basketball almost everyday after dinner. It might not be a sport I'm good in or have an ideal height for.. but I feel like every game is a challenge to me.. every game is different.. with different strategy.. different energy and etc.
I'm confused.. I've always thought I wanted to move out, but suddenly all these things struck me.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
10 things i observed from clubbing...
Well, last night was quite a crazy night... I started off buying some hair dye and got cc and ken to helped dye my hair... In the end, there was so much dye that damien, ken and CC could dye their hair as well! haha, so right, now all four of us... has similar hair colour! After that, we decided to go to the loft for clubbing. It was a decision made within 5 minutes and my first ever clubbing experience in Melbourne, yeah I know.. I'm a sad person. Sameer, Rahul K. , Anand, Damien, Ena, Dharen, CC, Ken and I decided to try out the club loft. One of the jokers got kicked out after 2 hours into the night... that was his second time in the space of like.. 3 weeks..? That was amazing...! I wonder what happenned this time... Anyways... I had an ok time... but could see that the rest didn't really enjoy it except for Damien, Anand, and Ena...
1. The place is packed, there is no place to move around...
2. There are more guys than girls at the end of the night so you're basically rubbing your asses with theirs by then..
3. The drinks are expensive, $9 for a bottle of heineken, wahlau!
4. Most of the guys there are there to check out the girls... (doesn't exclude me.. hehe)
5. Most of the guys there.. try too hard.. (ask Anand!)
6. You get pushed to the corner by guys in the dance floor if they see a hot chick dancing there.. or you get pushed by a group of girls if you they see a hot guy dancing!
7. You can't lean on someone's car when you're out of the club!
8. If you don't have balls, you don't pick up! Exception rule: It might be your lucky night.. and you don't even have to try and the girls come to you.. YOU LUCKY BASTARD DW..!
9. If you dance near some girls.. and you don't say anything at all to them... THEY GET PISSED! gosh..
10. Supper after clubbing is always good.. but you tend to fall asleep!
1. The place is packed, there is no place to move around...
2. There are more guys than girls at the end of the night so you're basically rubbing your asses with theirs by then..
3. The drinks are expensive, $9 for a bottle of heineken, wahlau!
4. Most of the guys there are there to check out the girls... (doesn't exclude me.. hehe)
5. Most of the guys there.. try too hard.. (ask Anand!)
6. You get pushed to the corner by guys in the dance floor if they see a hot chick dancing there.. or you get pushed by a group of girls if you they see a hot guy dancing!
7. You can't lean on someone's car when you're out of the club!
8. If you don't have balls, you don't pick up! Exception rule: It might be your lucky night.. and you don't even have to try and the girls come to you.. YOU LUCKY BASTARD DW..!
9. If you dance near some girls.. and you don't say anything at all to them... THEY GET PISSED! gosh..
10. Supper after clubbing is always good.. but you tend to fall asleep!
Sunday, August 20, 2006
purpose of life...
The weekend passed by like a breeze, shoooo...... two days gone, back to uni on monday. This weekend wasn't too productive, didn't do much, just stayed in and basically watch movies and soccer. Gosh.. weekends could be quite dry over in melbourne sometimes unless u have a car. Most of the time I feel that my day's wasted cause I usually get up at 1 or 2 and by the time I get up the day's already almost over. But yeah.. weekends are sometin that I would looked forward to.. eventhough it could be boring. IH had their open day today, it's good to see parents bringing their kids around the college, smiling and feeling satisfied with the tour you provide them. Most of them looked really amazed with the college. For me, it's 50 bucks earned!
Yesterday, a friend of mine asked me... what's the purpose of life and what's there left to drive you on when you feel your life has no purpose. I gave him an answer, but I don't think that really answered his question. I told him life's a challenge everyday and he's gotta challenge himself everyday. I just wanted him to feel better but I actually do not know. I am as lost as he is. That's one thing I can't understand till now. Sometimes if u asked me, I would say, I would rather be a char kuay teow seller and at least all that I have to think about is to improve my char kuay teow and look at my customer's satisfied face instead of having to study hard and get a job in the complicated corporate world. Sometimes, I sit down and ask myself.. why am I doing this..? What satisfaction do I get from what I'm doing..? Is this really what I want to do..?
I guess life is a cycle that we can't explain but just go on with it. You don't always get the things you really one. You might not be perfect, but you just have to fight for yourself and improve yourself. Things might not look good some times. But hey, you still got plenty of time! Your life might be better tomorrow or in the later years.. just gotta be patient. Everyone has their day and everyone will eventually get what they deserve. It's just like a boat drifting in the ocean, it will eventually find a right and nice island to land on one day. It might not be sure of its direction right now, but when it locates the island, there is where it'll go.
Shit.. analogies again.. hahahhaha.. I should be writing short stories! Haha, enough of preaching.. time for some SLEEP! Have fun for the rest of weekend everyone!
Yesterday, a friend of mine asked me... what's the purpose of life and what's there left to drive you on when you feel your life has no purpose. I gave him an answer, but I don't think that really answered his question. I told him life's a challenge everyday and he's gotta challenge himself everyday. I just wanted him to feel better but I actually do not know. I am as lost as he is. That's one thing I can't understand till now. Sometimes if u asked me, I would say, I would rather be a char kuay teow seller and at least all that I have to think about is to improve my char kuay teow and look at my customer's satisfied face instead of having to study hard and get a job in the complicated corporate world. Sometimes, I sit down and ask myself.. why am I doing this..? What satisfaction do I get from what I'm doing..? Is this really what I want to do..?
I guess life is a cycle that we can't explain but just go on with it. You don't always get the things you really one. You might not be perfect, but you just have to fight for yourself and improve yourself. Things might not look good some times. But hey, you still got plenty of time! Your life might be better tomorrow or in the later years.. just gotta be patient. Everyone has their day and everyone will eventually get what they deserve. It's just like a boat drifting in the ocean, it will eventually find a right and nice island to land on one day. It might not be sure of its direction right now, but when it locates the island, there is where it'll go.
Shit.. analogies again.. hahahhaha.. I should be writing short stories! Haha, enough of preaching.. time for some SLEEP! Have fun for the rest of weekend everyone!
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
a strange feeling... (emptiness)
Something certainly seems missing from my life in Melbourne. Everytime I'm in my room, some how this negative feeling(emptiness) fills within me. It's a really strange feeling.. it feels so quiet, sometimes soothing but at times it really makes you quite depressed. It seems like the whole world quiets down in your room and the only thing that accompanies me are my songs on my Itunes playlist. I have quite a number of songs... but i seem to be repeating the same songs over and over again. Haha... guess I'm a boring person.
Back to this strange feeling... it takes it's toll on you sometimes. Sometimes you get really sick of it, but there's nothing you could do. There are times that you have to be alone and do your own work or your own stuffs. Well, maybe this semester I've had too much time alone. Aside from playing basketball and chess and cooking I seem to do nothing in my room. Well, i thought having fishes would keep me company, but you just can't stare at that for hours. Ok fine... maybe I don't have the patience to just sit down and look at them swim all the time. Maybe once in a while it's alright. Haha...
Guess.. I'm just sick and tired of doing my reading for my OB assignment, eventhough it's not much reading. I'm just lazy.. that's the fact. Everytime I'm doing work, I'll find an excuse to divert myself into doing something else. I really hope I could fill in more to my life, so that I won't feel this feeling of emptiness. It's good sometimes.. but too much of it.. just makes ur life quite depressing. Guess I have to come out of my shell in greycourt a bit more or probably find some stuffs to do. Any suggestions..? Hehe.. anyways.. back to work..! I shouldn't be slacking..
Back to this strange feeling... it takes it's toll on you sometimes. Sometimes you get really sick of it, but there's nothing you could do. There are times that you have to be alone and do your own work or your own stuffs. Well, maybe this semester I've had too much time alone. Aside from playing basketball and chess and cooking I seem to do nothing in my room. Well, i thought having fishes would keep me company, but you just can't stare at that for hours. Ok fine... maybe I don't have the patience to just sit down and look at them swim all the time. Maybe once in a while it's alright. Haha...
Guess.. I'm just sick and tired of doing my reading for my OB assignment, eventhough it's not much reading. I'm just lazy.. that's the fact. Everytime I'm doing work, I'll find an excuse to divert myself into doing something else. I really hope I could fill in more to my life, so that I won't feel this feeling of emptiness. It's good sometimes.. but too much of it.. just makes ur life quite depressing. Guess I have to come out of my shell in greycourt a bit more or probably find some stuffs to do. Any suggestions..? Hehe.. anyways.. back to work..! I shouldn't be slacking..
Sunday, August 13, 2006
perceptions...
It's been about 3 weeks since I came back to Melbourne. Things did not start off the way I really wanted it to be, I was troubled by a lot of problems especially with my self-esteem. I felt irresponsible for certain decisions I made. I felt like I could have done better with certain aspects of my life. Well, life's like that.. full with wrong decisions and perceptions.
Sometimes, you hope that the person you care for would really care about you, but I guess in reality things doesn't always go that way. I know I might not be the greatest of person anyone could trust or talk to. I know I might not be the fun guy that could cheer you up when you're down, but at least I know, when you need my help and if you are my good friend or you are a nice person, I would definitely help you. I don't come up with lies that certain people are my good friend and when I'm behind their backs I say different stuffs about my friendship with them. For those ppl, I'm sorry but you are jus not a true friend and you are a hypocrite. I might have criticised certain people or certain individual, but at that point when I'm making that comment it's either I was too angry or I wasn't really thinking. If I've ever done that, I sincerely apologise.
I just hope that certain people would hold to their words. When they tell you nice stuffs like you are a nice guy, you are my best friend or whatsoever, I really hope they actually mean it. Words can be said at anytime and any place but the most important thing is that, they sincerely come out from you. It really beats the point if you go around and tell everyone you're my good friend or whatsoever hoping that you'll have more friends or your friends will help you when you need help. If some of you out there think that I'm not good enough to be your friend, then let me know. I wouldn't say a word..
I can't say that I'm perfect person that have never really made a mistake before, I have made mistakes before and I really regret it right now. I know I shouldn't hope for appreciation when I offer help to anyone at all, but seriously some appreciation will really make up someone's day.
Well, I guess life will never be conflict-free or problem-free. In life, we have to put up ourselves with a lot of truths and lies. We even lie to ourselves sometimes just to put give ourselves some hope. It's not wrong to hope, but it just means that you're lying to yourself.
Hmmmm... my recent posts sounds like morale studies or something like that. I guess I should stop here. Have a pleasant weekend everyone..
Sometimes, you hope that the person you care for would really care about you, but I guess in reality things doesn't always go that way. I know I might not be the greatest of person anyone could trust or talk to. I know I might not be the fun guy that could cheer you up when you're down, but at least I know, when you need my help and if you are my good friend or you are a nice person, I would definitely help you. I don't come up with lies that certain people are my good friend and when I'm behind their backs I say different stuffs about my friendship with them. For those ppl, I'm sorry but you are jus not a true friend and you are a hypocrite. I might have criticised certain people or certain individual, but at that point when I'm making that comment it's either I was too angry or I wasn't really thinking. If I've ever done that, I sincerely apologise.
I just hope that certain people would hold to their words. When they tell you nice stuffs like you are a nice guy, you are my best friend or whatsoever, I really hope they actually mean it. Words can be said at anytime and any place but the most important thing is that, they sincerely come out from you. It really beats the point if you go around and tell everyone you're my good friend or whatsoever hoping that you'll have more friends or your friends will help you when you need help. If some of you out there think that I'm not good enough to be your friend, then let me know. I wouldn't say a word..
I can't say that I'm perfect person that have never really made a mistake before, I have made mistakes before and I really regret it right now. I know I shouldn't hope for appreciation when I offer help to anyone at all, but seriously some appreciation will really make up someone's day.
Well, I guess life will never be conflict-free or problem-free. In life, we have to put up ourselves with a lot of truths and lies. We even lie to ourselves sometimes just to put give ourselves some hope. It's not wrong to hope, but it just means that you're lying to yourself.
Hmmmm... my recent posts sounds like morale studies or something like that. I guess I should stop here. Have a pleasant weekend everyone..
Friday, August 11, 2006
CLICK!
hehe.. i watched the movie click! last night off the network. It just makes me think how wonderful would life be under one click! Imagine if someone nags at u, u just need to mute tht person. Or if your neighbour's dog is being a nuisance, just turn the volume down! If u hate certain days of your life or u know it's gonna be a tiring day, jus click forward. Where else, if you are having a good day, you might just wanna pause ur day and let everything stop for that very moment!
Well.. Well.. i guess life ain't that easy and everything's not just a click away! Well, some internet broadcasters might advertise their product with the famous phrase everything is just a click away, but in reality, u actually have to type the blardee webpage's address or maybe even search for it. Even if life was that easy, there are just too many details in our daily life that can't be fast forwarded like that or put onto pilot mode.
As much as I want to have a universal remote control that controls everything, I know in reality we have to face the challenges in our daily life with a positive attitude. Besides that, going forward alone in your life, doesn't mean that you are happy! Well, i feel like I'm preaching, hehe, guess I'm just bored and just wanna post this up so that I don't have to start on my assignment. But oh well, guess I have to go... CLICK!
ANYWAYS, ANYONE KNOW WHERE TO GET A TOILET SEAT WARMER..? TOILET SEATS IN MELBOURNE ARE FREAKING COLD!
Well.. Well.. i guess life ain't that easy and everything's not just a click away! Well, some internet broadcasters might advertise their product with the famous phrase everything is just a click away, but in reality, u actually have to type the blardee webpage's address or maybe even search for it. Even if life was that easy, there are just too many details in our daily life that can't be fast forwarded like that or put onto pilot mode.
As much as I want to have a universal remote control that controls everything, I know in reality we have to face the challenges in our daily life with a positive attitude. Besides that, going forward alone in your life, doesn't mean that you are happy! Well, i feel like I'm preaching, hehe, guess I'm just bored and just wanna post this up so that I don't have to start on my assignment. But oh well, guess I have to go... CLICK!
ANYWAYS, ANYONE KNOW WHERE TO GET A TOILET SEAT WARMER..? TOILET SEATS IN MELBOURNE ARE FREAKING COLD!
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
there's gotta be more... at least more in my life...
My life has some what become like a daily waste to me. I get up after at least 9 hours of sleep. Even some times when I have 10 hours of sleep i still complain that I'm tired and sleepy. Something is so wrong with me. I don't seem to have the right motivation to be doing things i should be doing. I seem to have gone from bad to worse. I really don't know what's going on with my life. It seems like I spend half a day thinking about unnecessary stuffs and another half of the day sleeping or just wasting my time in front of the laptop.
I've got tonnes of assignments, tute works, and revision of my studies to go through. At this rate, I seriously think I would end up in Malaysia jus frying char kuay teow or sell chicken rice. No kidding! I know I shouldn't live such a life, I know there's more to my life. I know I wasn't here just for me to waste my time or just to wait for summer to come by. There's gotta be more, I'm sure there's gotta be more than this.
Sometimes, I think I choose to be like this, I choose to be the way I am when I know there are more things that I could do or think about. I know a what's going on and it's just me who's preventing myself in excelling in life. My ever-same attitude which is so pessimistic and my lack of courage and determination is preventing me from achieving so much more in life. I think I'm a quitter in many ways. I know what's wrong.. it's just that, I never put an effort to change it. My favourite phrase in my life is.. 'I duno ler, screw it, everything will fall in place eventually.' That's rubbish! I know for sure, everything wouldn't just be there without me putting in any effort. I feel I ain't much different from those idiotic ah bengs going around and collecting protection fees. I'm just like one of them...
I need a change! I want to change! I want to have more than just wasting my day with some routine! I want to be different! BUT HOW..?
I've got tonnes of assignments, tute works, and revision of my studies to go through. At this rate, I seriously think I would end up in Malaysia jus frying char kuay teow or sell chicken rice. No kidding! I know I shouldn't live such a life, I know there's more to my life. I know I wasn't here just for me to waste my time or just to wait for summer to come by. There's gotta be more, I'm sure there's gotta be more than this.
Sometimes, I think I choose to be like this, I choose to be the way I am when I know there are more things that I could do or think about. I know a what's going on and it's just me who's preventing myself in excelling in life. My ever-same attitude which is so pessimistic and my lack of courage and determination is preventing me from achieving so much more in life. I think I'm a quitter in many ways. I know what's wrong.. it's just that, I never put an effort to change it. My favourite phrase in my life is.. 'I duno ler, screw it, everything will fall in place eventually.' That's rubbish! I know for sure, everything wouldn't just be there without me putting in any effort. I feel I ain't much different from those idiotic ah bengs going around and collecting protection fees. I'm just like one of them...
I need a change! I want to change! I want to have more than just wasting my day with some routine! I want to be different! BUT HOW..?
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