Another weekend when by like a breeze, and again it's already week 6. We're already halfway through the semester. Yet again, it feels like I've just took the flight from Malaysia and arrived here last night. Everything seems to be going so fast regardless when you are happy or when you are not. I've grown in these 6 weeks. I've learnt more, I can't say I accomplished more because I'm still as slack as ever. I've learnt to change to come out of the shell that I used to be. I admit, there are still a lot of things I'm not satisfied about myself and I wished I could do better and move forward faster. I always wished for a lot of situations to be different, but I know it will never be and it will always be that way. Truth aren't always nice, are they..? Haha.. guess I just have to deal with it like a man.
This few days, a lot of things ran through in my mind about moving out of IH. I asked myself... would I be happier if i moved out..? How drastically would my life change compared to the life I'm having now..? The good thing about IH is.. you always get to talk to someone when you're bored. Unless we move out in a group, we will never get that. Besides that, you don't have to clean the floor when u mess it up and you don't have to cook all the time! Yeah, I know about my bragging about how sucky life is at IH for the past god knows how many weeks. But, I'm asking myself whether would I be happier or different if I was not here..? How about my beloved game of basketball..? I will not get to play it again..! Gosh.. A huge chunk of my time is spent on basketball, without it, I don't know what I'll be doing..! Sitting around my room and just do nothing..? Haha, I really can't imagine life without basketball... I play basketball almost everyday after dinner. It might not be a sport I'm good in or have an ideal height for.. but I feel like every game is a challenge to me.. every game is different.. with different strategy.. different energy and etc.
I'm confused.. I've always thought I wanted to move out, but suddenly all these things struck me.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Saturday, August 26, 2006
10 things i observed from clubbing...
Well, last night was quite a crazy night... I started off buying some hair dye and got cc and ken to helped dye my hair... In the end, there was so much dye that damien, ken and CC could dye their hair as well! haha, so right, now all four of us... has similar hair colour! After that, we decided to go to the loft for clubbing. It was a decision made within 5 minutes and my first ever clubbing experience in Melbourne, yeah I know.. I'm a sad person. Sameer, Rahul K. , Anand, Damien, Ena, Dharen, CC, Ken and I decided to try out the club loft. One of the jokers got kicked out after 2 hours into the night... that was his second time in the space of like.. 3 weeks..? That was amazing...! I wonder what happenned this time... Anyways... I had an ok time... but could see that the rest didn't really enjoy it except for Damien, Anand, and Ena...
1. The place is packed, there is no place to move around...
2. There are more guys than girls at the end of the night so you're basically rubbing your asses with theirs by then..
3. The drinks are expensive, $9 for a bottle of heineken, wahlau!
4. Most of the guys there are there to check out the girls... (doesn't exclude me.. hehe)
5. Most of the guys there.. try too hard.. (ask Anand!)
6. You get pushed to the corner by guys in the dance floor if they see a hot chick dancing there.. or you get pushed by a group of girls if you they see a hot guy dancing!
7. You can't lean on someone's car when you're out of the club!
8. If you don't have balls, you don't pick up! Exception rule: It might be your lucky night.. and you don't even have to try and the girls come to you.. YOU LUCKY BASTARD DW..!
9. If you dance near some girls.. and you don't say anything at all to them... THEY GET PISSED! gosh..
10. Supper after clubbing is always good.. but you tend to fall asleep!
1. The place is packed, there is no place to move around...
2. There are more guys than girls at the end of the night so you're basically rubbing your asses with theirs by then..
3. The drinks are expensive, $9 for a bottle of heineken, wahlau!
4. Most of the guys there are there to check out the girls... (doesn't exclude me.. hehe)
5. Most of the guys there.. try too hard.. (ask Anand!)
6. You get pushed to the corner by guys in the dance floor if they see a hot chick dancing there.. or you get pushed by a group of girls if you they see a hot guy dancing!
7. You can't lean on someone's car when you're out of the club!
8. If you don't have balls, you don't pick up! Exception rule: It might be your lucky night.. and you don't even have to try and the girls come to you.. YOU LUCKY BASTARD DW..!
9. If you dance near some girls.. and you don't say anything at all to them... THEY GET PISSED! gosh..
10. Supper after clubbing is always good.. but you tend to fall asleep!
Sunday, August 20, 2006
purpose of life...
The weekend passed by like a breeze, shoooo...... two days gone, back to uni on monday. This weekend wasn't too productive, didn't do much, just stayed in and basically watch movies and soccer. Gosh.. weekends could be quite dry over in melbourne sometimes unless u have a car. Most of the time I feel that my day's wasted cause I usually get up at 1 or 2 and by the time I get up the day's already almost over. But yeah.. weekends are sometin that I would looked forward to.. eventhough it could be boring. IH had their open day today, it's good to see parents bringing their kids around the college, smiling and feeling satisfied with the tour you provide them. Most of them looked really amazed with the college. For me, it's 50 bucks earned!
Yesterday, a friend of mine asked me... what's the purpose of life and what's there left to drive you on when you feel your life has no purpose. I gave him an answer, but I don't think that really answered his question. I told him life's a challenge everyday and he's gotta challenge himself everyday. I just wanted him to feel better but I actually do not know. I am as lost as he is. That's one thing I can't understand till now. Sometimes if u asked me, I would say, I would rather be a char kuay teow seller and at least all that I have to think about is to improve my char kuay teow and look at my customer's satisfied face instead of having to study hard and get a job in the complicated corporate world. Sometimes, I sit down and ask myself.. why am I doing this..? What satisfaction do I get from what I'm doing..? Is this really what I want to do..?
I guess life is a cycle that we can't explain but just go on with it. You don't always get the things you really one. You might not be perfect, but you just have to fight for yourself and improve yourself. Things might not look good some times. But hey, you still got plenty of time! Your life might be better tomorrow or in the later years.. just gotta be patient. Everyone has their day and everyone will eventually get what they deserve. It's just like a boat drifting in the ocean, it will eventually find a right and nice island to land on one day. It might not be sure of its direction right now, but when it locates the island, there is where it'll go.
Shit.. analogies again.. hahahhaha.. I should be writing short stories! Haha, enough of preaching.. time for some SLEEP! Have fun for the rest of weekend everyone!
Yesterday, a friend of mine asked me... what's the purpose of life and what's there left to drive you on when you feel your life has no purpose. I gave him an answer, but I don't think that really answered his question. I told him life's a challenge everyday and he's gotta challenge himself everyday. I just wanted him to feel better but I actually do not know. I am as lost as he is. That's one thing I can't understand till now. Sometimes if u asked me, I would say, I would rather be a char kuay teow seller and at least all that I have to think about is to improve my char kuay teow and look at my customer's satisfied face instead of having to study hard and get a job in the complicated corporate world. Sometimes, I sit down and ask myself.. why am I doing this..? What satisfaction do I get from what I'm doing..? Is this really what I want to do..?
I guess life is a cycle that we can't explain but just go on with it. You don't always get the things you really one. You might not be perfect, but you just have to fight for yourself and improve yourself. Things might not look good some times. But hey, you still got plenty of time! Your life might be better tomorrow or in the later years.. just gotta be patient. Everyone has their day and everyone will eventually get what they deserve. It's just like a boat drifting in the ocean, it will eventually find a right and nice island to land on one day. It might not be sure of its direction right now, but when it locates the island, there is where it'll go.
Shit.. analogies again.. hahahhaha.. I should be writing short stories! Haha, enough of preaching.. time for some SLEEP! Have fun for the rest of weekend everyone!
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
a strange feeling... (emptiness)
Something certainly seems missing from my life in Melbourne. Everytime I'm in my room, some how this negative feeling(emptiness) fills within me. It's a really strange feeling.. it feels so quiet, sometimes soothing but at times it really makes you quite depressed. It seems like the whole world quiets down in your room and the only thing that accompanies me are my songs on my Itunes playlist. I have quite a number of songs... but i seem to be repeating the same songs over and over again. Haha... guess I'm a boring person.
Back to this strange feeling... it takes it's toll on you sometimes. Sometimes you get really sick of it, but there's nothing you could do. There are times that you have to be alone and do your own work or your own stuffs. Well, maybe this semester I've had too much time alone. Aside from playing basketball and chess and cooking I seem to do nothing in my room. Well, i thought having fishes would keep me company, but you just can't stare at that for hours. Ok fine... maybe I don't have the patience to just sit down and look at them swim all the time. Maybe once in a while it's alright. Haha...
Guess.. I'm just sick and tired of doing my reading for my OB assignment, eventhough it's not much reading. I'm just lazy.. that's the fact. Everytime I'm doing work, I'll find an excuse to divert myself into doing something else. I really hope I could fill in more to my life, so that I won't feel this feeling of emptiness. It's good sometimes.. but too much of it.. just makes ur life quite depressing. Guess I have to come out of my shell in greycourt a bit more or probably find some stuffs to do. Any suggestions..? Hehe.. anyways.. back to work..! I shouldn't be slacking..
Back to this strange feeling... it takes it's toll on you sometimes. Sometimes you get really sick of it, but there's nothing you could do. There are times that you have to be alone and do your own work or your own stuffs. Well, maybe this semester I've had too much time alone. Aside from playing basketball and chess and cooking I seem to do nothing in my room. Well, i thought having fishes would keep me company, but you just can't stare at that for hours. Ok fine... maybe I don't have the patience to just sit down and look at them swim all the time. Maybe once in a while it's alright. Haha...
Guess.. I'm just sick and tired of doing my reading for my OB assignment, eventhough it's not much reading. I'm just lazy.. that's the fact. Everytime I'm doing work, I'll find an excuse to divert myself into doing something else. I really hope I could fill in more to my life, so that I won't feel this feeling of emptiness. It's good sometimes.. but too much of it.. just makes ur life quite depressing. Guess I have to come out of my shell in greycourt a bit more or probably find some stuffs to do. Any suggestions..? Hehe.. anyways.. back to work..! I shouldn't be slacking..
Sunday, August 13, 2006
perceptions...
It's been about 3 weeks since I came back to Melbourne. Things did not start off the way I really wanted it to be, I was troubled by a lot of problems especially with my self-esteem. I felt irresponsible for certain decisions I made. I felt like I could have done better with certain aspects of my life. Well, life's like that.. full with wrong decisions and perceptions.
Sometimes, you hope that the person you care for would really care about you, but I guess in reality things doesn't always go that way. I know I might not be the greatest of person anyone could trust or talk to. I know I might not be the fun guy that could cheer you up when you're down, but at least I know, when you need my help and if you are my good friend or you are a nice person, I would definitely help you. I don't come up with lies that certain people are my good friend and when I'm behind their backs I say different stuffs about my friendship with them. For those ppl, I'm sorry but you are jus not a true friend and you are a hypocrite. I might have criticised certain people or certain individual, but at that point when I'm making that comment it's either I was too angry or I wasn't really thinking. If I've ever done that, I sincerely apologise.
I just hope that certain people would hold to their words. When they tell you nice stuffs like you are a nice guy, you are my best friend or whatsoever, I really hope they actually mean it. Words can be said at anytime and any place but the most important thing is that, they sincerely come out from you. It really beats the point if you go around and tell everyone you're my good friend or whatsoever hoping that you'll have more friends or your friends will help you when you need help. If some of you out there think that I'm not good enough to be your friend, then let me know. I wouldn't say a word..
I can't say that I'm perfect person that have never really made a mistake before, I have made mistakes before and I really regret it right now. I know I shouldn't hope for appreciation when I offer help to anyone at all, but seriously some appreciation will really make up someone's day.
Well, I guess life will never be conflict-free or problem-free. In life, we have to put up ourselves with a lot of truths and lies. We even lie to ourselves sometimes just to put give ourselves some hope. It's not wrong to hope, but it just means that you're lying to yourself.
Hmmmm... my recent posts sounds like morale studies or something like that. I guess I should stop here. Have a pleasant weekend everyone..
Sometimes, you hope that the person you care for would really care about you, but I guess in reality things doesn't always go that way. I know I might not be the greatest of person anyone could trust or talk to. I know I might not be the fun guy that could cheer you up when you're down, but at least I know, when you need my help and if you are my good friend or you are a nice person, I would definitely help you. I don't come up with lies that certain people are my good friend and when I'm behind their backs I say different stuffs about my friendship with them. For those ppl, I'm sorry but you are jus not a true friend and you are a hypocrite. I might have criticised certain people or certain individual, but at that point when I'm making that comment it's either I was too angry or I wasn't really thinking. If I've ever done that, I sincerely apologise.
I just hope that certain people would hold to their words. When they tell you nice stuffs like you are a nice guy, you are my best friend or whatsoever, I really hope they actually mean it. Words can be said at anytime and any place but the most important thing is that, they sincerely come out from you. It really beats the point if you go around and tell everyone you're my good friend or whatsoever hoping that you'll have more friends or your friends will help you when you need help. If some of you out there think that I'm not good enough to be your friend, then let me know. I wouldn't say a word..
I can't say that I'm perfect person that have never really made a mistake before, I have made mistakes before and I really regret it right now. I know I shouldn't hope for appreciation when I offer help to anyone at all, but seriously some appreciation will really make up someone's day.
Well, I guess life will never be conflict-free or problem-free. In life, we have to put up ourselves with a lot of truths and lies. We even lie to ourselves sometimes just to put give ourselves some hope. It's not wrong to hope, but it just means that you're lying to yourself.
Hmmmm... my recent posts sounds like morale studies or something like that. I guess I should stop here. Have a pleasant weekend everyone..
Friday, August 11, 2006
CLICK!
hehe.. i watched the movie click! last night off the network. It just makes me think how wonderful would life be under one click! Imagine if someone nags at u, u just need to mute tht person. Or if your neighbour's dog is being a nuisance, just turn the volume down! If u hate certain days of your life or u know it's gonna be a tiring day, jus click forward. Where else, if you are having a good day, you might just wanna pause ur day and let everything stop for that very moment!
Well.. Well.. i guess life ain't that easy and everything's not just a click away! Well, some internet broadcasters might advertise their product with the famous phrase everything is just a click away, but in reality, u actually have to type the blardee webpage's address or maybe even search for it. Even if life was that easy, there are just too many details in our daily life that can't be fast forwarded like that or put onto pilot mode.
As much as I want to have a universal remote control that controls everything, I know in reality we have to face the challenges in our daily life with a positive attitude. Besides that, going forward alone in your life, doesn't mean that you are happy! Well, i feel like I'm preaching, hehe, guess I'm just bored and just wanna post this up so that I don't have to start on my assignment. But oh well, guess I have to go... CLICK!
ANYWAYS, ANYONE KNOW WHERE TO GET A TOILET SEAT WARMER..? TOILET SEATS IN MELBOURNE ARE FREAKING COLD!
Well.. Well.. i guess life ain't that easy and everything's not just a click away! Well, some internet broadcasters might advertise their product with the famous phrase everything is just a click away, but in reality, u actually have to type the blardee webpage's address or maybe even search for it. Even if life was that easy, there are just too many details in our daily life that can't be fast forwarded like that or put onto pilot mode.
As much as I want to have a universal remote control that controls everything, I know in reality we have to face the challenges in our daily life with a positive attitude. Besides that, going forward alone in your life, doesn't mean that you are happy! Well, i feel like I'm preaching, hehe, guess I'm just bored and just wanna post this up so that I don't have to start on my assignment. But oh well, guess I have to go... CLICK!
ANYWAYS, ANYONE KNOW WHERE TO GET A TOILET SEAT WARMER..? TOILET SEATS IN MELBOURNE ARE FREAKING COLD!
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
there's gotta be more... at least more in my life...
My life has some what become like a daily waste to me. I get up after at least 9 hours of sleep. Even some times when I have 10 hours of sleep i still complain that I'm tired and sleepy. Something is so wrong with me. I don't seem to have the right motivation to be doing things i should be doing. I seem to have gone from bad to worse. I really don't know what's going on with my life. It seems like I spend half a day thinking about unnecessary stuffs and another half of the day sleeping or just wasting my time in front of the laptop.
I've got tonnes of assignments, tute works, and revision of my studies to go through. At this rate, I seriously think I would end up in Malaysia jus frying char kuay teow or sell chicken rice. No kidding! I know I shouldn't live such a life, I know there's more to my life. I know I wasn't here just for me to waste my time or just to wait for summer to come by. There's gotta be more, I'm sure there's gotta be more than this.
Sometimes, I think I choose to be like this, I choose to be the way I am when I know there are more things that I could do or think about. I know a what's going on and it's just me who's preventing myself in excelling in life. My ever-same attitude which is so pessimistic and my lack of courage and determination is preventing me from achieving so much more in life. I think I'm a quitter in many ways. I know what's wrong.. it's just that, I never put an effort to change it. My favourite phrase in my life is.. 'I duno ler, screw it, everything will fall in place eventually.' That's rubbish! I know for sure, everything wouldn't just be there without me putting in any effort. I feel I ain't much different from those idiotic ah bengs going around and collecting protection fees. I'm just like one of them...
I need a change! I want to change! I want to have more than just wasting my day with some routine! I want to be different! BUT HOW..?
I've got tonnes of assignments, tute works, and revision of my studies to go through. At this rate, I seriously think I would end up in Malaysia jus frying char kuay teow or sell chicken rice. No kidding! I know I shouldn't live such a life, I know there's more to my life. I know I wasn't here just for me to waste my time or just to wait for summer to come by. There's gotta be more, I'm sure there's gotta be more than this.
Sometimes, I think I choose to be like this, I choose to be the way I am when I know there are more things that I could do or think about. I know a what's going on and it's just me who's preventing myself in excelling in life. My ever-same attitude which is so pessimistic and my lack of courage and determination is preventing me from achieving so much more in life. I think I'm a quitter in many ways. I know what's wrong.. it's just that, I never put an effort to change it. My favourite phrase in my life is.. 'I duno ler, screw it, everything will fall in place eventually.' That's rubbish! I know for sure, everything wouldn't just be there without me putting in any effort. I feel I ain't much different from those idiotic ah bengs going around and collecting protection fees. I'm just like one of them...
I need a change! I want to change! I want to have more than just wasting my day with some routine! I want to be different! BUT HOW..?
Sunday, August 06, 2006
cartoons...
Some people think cartoons are really retarted or childish. Others might think cartoons are just for kids and laugh off the idea of watching cartoons. Well, some watch cartoons just for the animation. Yeah, cartoons might always end up with the perfect ending where everyone is happy and all's good which seems unrealistic in many ways cos real life ain't cartoon. Well, i watched cars on my laptop today and i think otherwise...
Cartoons may be unrealistic but we can learn a lot from watching cartoons. From cars, I realized that you don't always have to get everything you want in life to be happy. Sometimes, the simple things in life are those stuffs that really make you happy. I realize the situation I'm in right now is just like lightning mcqueen at the start, all solo and no teamwork. Well, it might get stuffs done but am I really that happy after all..?
Yeah, I have to agree it ain't easy to change, not just after a couple of days building roads. Besides that, I also learnt that you can look at a situation from many perspectives, the good ones or the bad ones. It's all up to you to choose which side you want to look at things from. Well, might sound easy but it's quite hard to always look at things from the good side, especially for a pessimist like me. Hehe..
Anyways, cartoons aren't always just about the animation, the cute characters and they are not jus for kids, there's more to it, like the meanings behind it and the relaxation that you get out of watching it. So, the next time someone tells you cartoons are lame, tell him/her to look at things differently!
Cartoons may be unrealistic but we can learn a lot from watching cartoons. From cars, I realized that you don't always have to get everything you want in life to be happy. Sometimes, the simple things in life are those stuffs that really make you happy. I realize the situation I'm in right now is just like lightning mcqueen at the start, all solo and no teamwork. Well, it might get stuffs done but am I really that happy after all..?
Yeah, I have to agree it ain't easy to change, not just after a couple of days building roads. Besides that, I also learnt that you can look at a situation from many perspectives, the good ones or the bad ones. It's all up to you to choose which side you want to look at things from. Well, might sound easy but it's quite hard to always look at things from the good side, especially for a pessimist like me. Hehe..
Anyways, cartoons aren't always just about the animation, the cute characters and they are not jus for kids, there's more to it, like the meanings behind it and the relaxation that you get out of watching it. So, the next time someone tells you cartoons are lame, tell him/her to look at things differently!
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
my routined life...
Well.. my life has some what become of a routine, doing the same thing over and over again. Haha, chess, basketball, eating, going to uni, reading mangas. That's all I do everyday! I hardly go down to the dinning hall for meals anymore, I really don't know why, but guess I'm just too lazy and there are some things or some stuffs that I just wanna avoid till I've overcome it. I'm trying really hard to get started with my studies and catch up for the time I've wasted on doing and thinking of stupid stuffs, but I really really don't know how to get started!!! DAMN!
Sometimes, I question myself over and over again.. whether I'm just a coward hiding in my room and waiting for things to fall in place by itself without putting any effort. I like to wait till it's too late until the situation can't be changed, that's what I realized about myself. I feel that I could be quite idiotic sometimes. For instance, I don't even know how long 5m is..? CAN U BELIEVE THAT.. I've done physics for like 3 years, and I can't even estimate how long 5m is... I really doubt my intelligence, guess I shouldn't be at uni and sell char kuay teow or bak kut teh back home, at least I won't waste my parent's money.
Well, at the moment, I've found myself a short term goal which is to have my holidays as soon as possible, not the mid-semester break but end of the year break, that's how much I'm looking forward to be back with my family. I really miss them... Other than that, I can't really tell what else am I looking forward to. It's like I'm a drifter that's following the wind and let it take me to where ever it wants to.
Sometimes, I question myself over and over again.. whether I'm just a coward hiding in my room and waiting for things to fall in place by itself without putting any effort. I like to wait till it's too late until the situation can't be changed, that's what I realized about myself. I feel that I could be quite idiotic sometimes. For instance, I don't even know how long 5m is..? CAN U BELIEVE THAT.. I've done physics for like 3 years, and I can't even estimate how long 5m is... I really doubt my intelligence, guess I shouldn't be at uni and sell char kuay teow or bak kut teh back home, at least I won't waste my parent's money.
Well, at the moment, I've found myself a short term goal which is to have my holidays as soon as possible, not the mid-semester break but end of the year break, that's how much I'm looking forward to be back with my family. I really miss them... Other than that, I can't really tell what else am I looking forward to. It's like I'm a drifter that's following the wind and let it take me to where ever it wants to.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
3 days back.. still feel the same.. maybe worse..
3 days back at IH, I still feel the same, nothing has changed really, everything is still same old from last semester... except for the fact that I could feel everyone's got their own aims this semester and are actually working towards it except for me. I'm sort of the aimless one, still looking for a goal and can't even decide wat the goal is. However, I've already made a couple of important decisions and I'm glad about it, just that, i don't know what the aftermath of that decision would be.
Well, rearranged my room, got some goldfishes but they seem to be afraid of me. Well, I guess I am not really good with pets. Haha, this semester seems really quiet as everyone is busy with their own stuffs. Hmmm, well the only thing I'm really looking forward to now is the summer holidays, I just got back from a break but suddenly I just feel that I need a break. Anyways, some tutor in IH actually said that I look like a twenty two year old..? Am I that old..? Hmmm, maybe I am. Haha, time to retire from a lot of stuffs especially those sports that require a lot of fitness, I'm just not fit anymore (not to say I was ever fit, but right now it's worse!)
Hmm.. that sums it all up, I'm lonely, I'm bored, I'm aimless and I think I'm gonna rot really soon..? Someday u might find some awful smell from my room, that might be my corpse rotting! haha, jk..
Well, rearranged my room, got some goldfishes but they seem to be afraid of me. Well, I guess I am not really good with pets. Haha, this semester seems really quiet as everyone is busy with their own stuffs. Hmmm, well the only thing I'm really looking forward to now is the summer holidays, I just got back from a break but suddenly I just feel that I need a break. Anyways, some tutor in IH actually said that I look like a twenty two year old..? Am I that old..? Hmmm, maybe I am. Haha, time to retire from a lot of stuffs especially those sports that require a lot of fitness, I'm just not fit anymore (not to say I was ever fit, but right now it's worse!)
Hmm.. that sums it all up, I'm lonely, I'm bored, I'm aimless and I think I'm gonna rot really soon..? Someday u might find some awful smell from my room, that might be my corpse rotting! haha, jk..
Monday, July 17, 2006
10 things i wish for..
1. I wish I could express myself more freely
2. I wish I could be more optimistic about things
3. I wish I had more self-confidence
4. I wish I could be happy all the time
5. I wish I could share my thoughts my feelings with everyone
6. I wish someone could be there for me 24/7 no matter what happens
7. I wish other's could understand what I'm thinking without having to tell them and I wish I could understand other's without them having to tell me what's on their mind
8. I wish I was better in handling problems
9. I wish I could make my decisions straight away...
10. I wish i had more courage..
At the end of the day, many of us wished we were different or wished somethings did not happen or could have happen, but we are what we are, and we know for a fact, somethings could not be changed..
2. I wish I could be more optimistic about things
3. I wish I had more self-confidence
4. I wish I could be happy all the time
5. I wish I could share my thoughts my feelings with everyone
6. I wish someone could be there for me 24/7 no matter what happens
7. I wish other's could understand what I'm thinking without having to tell them and I wish I could understand other's without them having to tell me what's on their mind
8. I wish I was better in handling problems
9. I wish I could make my decisions straight away...
10. I wish i had more courage..
At the end of the day, many of us wished we were different or wished somethings did not happen or could have happen, but we are what we are, and we know for a fact, somethings could not be changed..
Sunday, July 09, 2006
2 weeks left...
My time in malaysia is another 2 more weeks. I hate to admit it, but I really hate the fact that I'm leaving so fast, I really need more time, more time to relax, more time to find myself, before I go back. I haven't had enough rest, maybe I'm just trying to avoid all the stuffs back there. Maybe I'm just not ready..? This 2 weeks had passed by so fast and comfortably that I don't feel like going back to melbourne. My results came out, it was alright, not too good, but yeah, I'm glad I don't have to resit for any exams. I should be thankful with my results considering the amount of work I've done.
What should I do next..? What's more important..? For me to feel happy..? Or to be responsible to everyone..? To accomplish what I should.. or give up.. because I know I'm no good for it..? What's up next..? What's gonna happen..? I really don't want to think bout it, yeah, my hols are really routined and could be boring some times, but I know, my family will always be there for me, protecting me and supporting me. They are the ones who will forgive you when everyone around you refuses to.I've always wished someone could be there 24/7, giving me support and listening to the way I feel, but I know it's hard for that to happen.
It's my holidays, I should be relaxing.. but knowing the fact that I'm leaving soon.. I really have to start making important decisions. This is where I'm not good at! I'm running out of time.. seriously.. maybe I was too busy relaxing.. until it finally hit me..
Should I pursue what I believed in..? How to find back my self-confidence..? How to forget things that I'm supposed to forget..? How to forgive those that betrayed my friendship before..? How to handle things, feelings and everything...? How i wish life was all about what I'm doing now..playing mahjong, having supper and chatting with friends.. it's boring.. but yeah.. at least I'm comfortable with it...! I just feel so hopeless.... Wats next..?
What should I do next..? What's more important..? For me to feel happy..? Or to be responsible to everyone..? To accomplish what I should.. or give up.. because I know I'm no good for it..? What's up next..? What's gonna happen..? I really don't want to think bout it, yeah, my hols are really routined and could be boring some times, but I know, my family will always be there for me, protecting me and supporting me. They are the ones who will forgive you when everyone around you refuses to.I've always wished someone could be there 24/7, giving me support and listening to the way I feel, but I know it's hard for that to happen.
It's my holidays, I should be relaxing.. but knowing the fact that I'm leaving soon.. I really have to start making important decisions. This is where I'm not good at! I'm running out of time.. seriously.. maybe I was too busy relaxing.. until it finally hit me..
Should I pursue what I believed in..? How to find back my self-confidence..? How to forget things that I'm supposed to forget..? How to forgive those that betrayed my friendship before..? How to handle things, feelings and everything...? How i wish life was all about what I'm doing now..playing mahjong, having supper and chatting with friends.. it's boring.. but yeah.. at least I'm comfortable with it...! I just feel so hopeless.... Wats next..?
Monday, June 26, 2006
back with the heat...
Yeap.. today's my second day back in Malaysia. So far, it's just been eating and eating and more eating! Gosh.. I think I'm gonna become like a pig by the time I get back to melbourne (not to say I'm not one already)... Everything seems the same back here, everyone looks the same, acts the same, but somehow I feel that I'm different.. I feel that something's missing, some sort of feeling is missing... don't really know what's that, but it's really good to be back.. ! Hmm.. at least I know.. the heat is still the SAME! It's so humid here..! But all's good.. everything's cheap...
Well, I guess I got nothing much to post during the holidays, so I'll try to put as much as possible, my life is quite routined back here, cos I DON'T HAVE A CAR! How sad could that be? I can't go anywhere, stuck at home, just waiting for someone to fetch me out! Aihhhsss.. nvmz.. guess I'll just spend more time at home and please my parents. After all, results are coming really soon! And I don't want to piss them further more with my bad results!
Anyways, I hope everyone enjoys there holidays regardless where they are, melbourne, malaysia or anywhere else.. have a good time and remember to get me souveneirs! TQ TQ...
Well, I guess I got nothing much to post during the holidays, so I'll try to put as much as possible, my life is quite routined back here, cos I DON'T HAVE A CAR! How sad could that be? I can't go anywhere, stuck at home, just waiting for someone to fetch me out! Aihhhsss.. nvmz.. guess I'll just spend more time at home and please my parents. After all, results are coming really soon! And I don't want to piss them further more with my bad results!
Anyways, I hope everyone enjoys there holidays regardless where they are, melbourne, malaysia or anywhere else.. have a good time and remember to get me souveneirs! TQ TQ...
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
It takes you quite sometime to realize that you are an idiot..
Today's exam was really bad, it wasn't tough, just that, my organisation of time was really poor and I had no plan at all. The exam ended at 4.15 when I actually thought it was suppose to end at 4.30 p.m. I've made this mistake before in my exam last year when I actually thought my exams were supposed to end at 4.30 p.m but it actually ended at 4.15 p.m and I did not finish like half of the paper, but it was a different situation back then. I got high marks for my assessments and I only needed 25 marks to pass. This time around i need 33 marks out of 80 to pass thats about 42% of the paper. I only did around 60% or maybe even lesser of the paper. I have to be really right with the stuffs i wrote to pass my exams. I know it's over and done with, but I just can't get it off my mind. It was really a bad error, if i had organised my time much better, I would have come out of the exam hall knowing I've passed the paper. I'm really not sure about it right now. I really don't know what to do.
I really do not want to have to do my summer semester, that would mean I'll miss chinese new year back home. Chinese new year is one of my favourite time of the year when I really feel happy. That's when I have a lot of fun with my friends and family. Missing chinese new year may seem unimaginable for me. haha, well, all I could do now is to study as much as possible for the last paper and hope to get a convincing result, at least enough to tell my parents that I did attempt to pass all my exams.
I really doubt myself sometimes. I ask myself whether I'm material for a graduate student and am I material for a good employee of any company in the future. Am I a good son, good friend or a good person? What's my worth to everyone? It keeps building in me. Sometimes u feel, u are good for nothing... u are just here as a bystander to see everyone achieving whatever they want while u stay in wherever u are and watch them.
I really do not want to have to do my summer semester, that would mean I'll miss chinese new year back home. Chinese new year is one of my favourite time of the year when I really feel happy. That's when I have a lot of fun with my friends and family. Missing chinese new year may seem unimaginable for me. haha, well, all I could do now is to study as much as possible for the last paper and hope to get a convincing result, at least enough to tell my parents that I did attempt to pass all my exams.
I really doubt myself sometimes. I ask myself whether I'm material for a graduate student and am I material for a good employee of any company in the future. Am I a good son, good friend or a good person? What's my worth to everyone? It keeps building in me. Sometimes u feel, u are good for nothing... u are just here as a bystander to see everyone achieving whatever they want while u stay in wherever u are and watch them.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Sometimes you feel life isn't taking you anywhere...
Some of you guys might be thinking, why is this joker's blog filled with negative stuffs and not any happy stuffs at all..? Is he always depressed? Well, it's actually not always the case, I do have happy times, just that I prefer to keep it to myself and smile back at it sometime later. Well, forgive the negativity for this blog.. I'll really try to put something really really better.. I PROMISE!
Well, it's 1 a.m in the morning and I really feel like I can't study anymore, eventhough i barely studied. I'm just so tired and I feel like giving up! Sometimes I really feel like my life ain't taking me anywhere, I'm just gonna be where I am now forever. Maybe not in terms of age, but in terms of achievements and success in life. I really want to be back home now with my family, my parents, my sisters, my brother and my nephews!
Like what I said before, life is never easy and always filled with tough decisions. You really have to think carefully of the decisions you need to make in life. From the day you were born, you are bound to make decisions for yourself regardless of who is that to help you. A wrong step you make, it's quite hard to turn back. Sometimes you just feel that the whole world is turning it's back on you, god doesn't favour you, or maybe lady luck refuses to smile at you! That's how I suddenly feel right now! Haha, maybe it's the stress from exams and I'm really really worried about cost management.. It does have ABC in it.. but it is not as simple as the aplphabets A,B,C...
Gosh.. you know what's on my crappy mind right now? I'm thinking that, if I really leave this world one day, (ok, I'm not committing suicide and I don't have a fatal disease, don't worry, I'm just saying if) who would be at my funeral weeping and grieving for me except for my family? Hmm.. have you guys ever thought of that..? Well, think about it....
Well, it's 1 a.m in the morning and I really feel like I can't study anymore, eventhough i barely studied. I'm just so tired and I feel like giving up! Sometimes I really feel like my life ain't taking me anywhere, I'm just gonna be where I am now forever. Maybe not in terms of age, but in terms of achievements and success in life. I really want to be back home now with my family, my parents, my sisters, my brother and my nephews!
Like what I said before, life is never easy and always filled with tough decisions. You really have to think carefully of the decisions you need to make in life. From the day you were born, you are bound to make decisions for yourself regardless of who is that to help you. A wrong step you make, it's quite hard to turn back. Sometimes you just feel that the whole world is turning it's back on you, god doesn't favour you, or maybe lady luck refuses to smile at you! That's how I suddenly feel right now! Haha, maybe it's the stress from exams and I'm really really worried about cost management.. It does have ABC in it.. but it is not as simple as the aplphabets A,B,C...
Gosh.. you know what's on my crappy mind right now? I'm thinking that, if I really leave this world one day, (ok, I'm not committing suicide and I don't have a fatal disease, don't worry, I'm just saying if) who would be at my funeral weeping and grieving for me except for my family? Hmm.. have you guys ever thought of that..? Well, think about it....
Thursday, June 15, 2006
2 down.. 2 more to go..
It's been a tiring week! Work! Play basketball! Cook! Exams! Well, next week, would be my final two papers. I'm not sure how I did for the first two papers, I really hope I did enough to at least get a pass. The last paper is the one that I'm worried about.. COST MANAGEMENT or in short CM.. why can't CM be championship manager (it's a soccer manager game)? Maybe a test on the name of soccer players, where they come from and which club they play for! That'll be great won't it..? Why must we be examed on crap stuffs like.. the cost of a company.. how to reduce it's cost and ways a company can calculate it's cost like the ABC (Activity Based Costing). Why can't it be an exam on A, B, C instead.. only 3 letters! Haha, won't our lives and the lecturer's and tutor's life be easier..? Well.. guess life ain't that easy!
Oh yeah, blur blur actually cycled today! Talking bout miracles huh..? Don't think she looks like someone who would get on the bike.. but she actually survived! And guess what.. one of the annoying guys in college is moving to our floor.. my god.. why of all places.. greycourt 1st floor..? Why not.. another building or maybe move out of IH? He'll make everyone's life better! Yet again... life is never easy.. never gonna be easy and will never ever be easy!
Well i'll sign off with the translation of one of my favourite songs.. sekai ga owaru ma dewa by wands.. go download it..!
In this big city I am all alone
Like an empty can, thrown away
Until we know each other thoroughly
If it's love, then let's sleep in eternity...
Until the world is over, we won't be apart
So I asked in a thousand nights
Why does only a time that won't return is shining
Even a worn out heart will break...
Hopeless thoughts... In this Tragedy Night
Then people demand an answer
And lose something that's irreplaceable
A city filled with desires, even night skies stardust don't shine on us
Before the world is over, please listen to me
A Catastrophe the looks like a full-blown flower
While everyone wishes, no one believes in eternity
Even though they certainly dream about tomorrow
Hopeless days and... This Tragedy Night
Until the world is over, we won't be apart
So I asked in a thousand nights
Why does only a time that won't return is shining
Even a worn out heart will break...
Hopeless thoughts... In this Tragedy Night
This Tragedy Night
Oh yeah, blur blur actually cycled today! Talking bout miracles huh..? Don't think she looks like someone who would get on the bike.. but she actually survived! And guess what.. one of the annoying guys in college is moving to our floor.. my god.. why of all places.. greycourt 1st floor..? Why not.. another building or maybe move out of IH? He'll make everyone's life better! Yet again... life is never easy.. never gonna be easy and will never ever be easy!
Well i'll sign off with the translation of one of my favourite songs.. sekai ga owaru ma dewa by wands.. go download it..!
In this big city I am all alone
Like an empty can, thrown away
Until we know each other thoroughly
If it's love, then let's sleep in eternity...
Until the world is over, we won't be apart
So I asked in a thousand nights
Why does only a time that won't return is shining
Even a worn out heart will break...
Hopeless thoughts... In this Tragedy Night
Then people demand an answer
And lose something that's irreplaceable
A city filled with desires, even night skies stardust don't shine on us
Before the world is over, please listen to me
A Catastrophe the looks like a full-blown flower
While everyone wishes, no one believes in eternity
Even though they certainly dream about tomorrow
Hopeless days and... This Tragedy Night
Until the world is over, we won't be apart
So I asked in a thousand nights
Why does only a time that won't return is shining
Even a worn out heart will break...
Hopeless thoughts... In this Tragedy Night
This Tragedy Night
Sunday, June 11, 2006
a post for you Raymond... and an early Birthday Shout out to Dhanitha and Ck!
Yeap, three things are happening tomorrow. It'll be Ck's 21st and Dhanitha's 20th birthday! Hope both of you have a great birthday and may you guys have a great year ahead of you! Most importantly, one of my good friend, Raymond is leaving for Malaysia and then UK tomorrow.
Well Raymond, here is a small piece of advice for you. What you want may not be what you get all the time. That's what I feel at least, you might think that what you are asking for is just a simple thing and even that it can't be fulfilled. You felt that you fought for it and you tried hard for it. That might be the case for now, but be patient, I'm really sure good things are coming your way. Maybe it'll take a long time, but just hang in there for a while more. You are a great person that's for sure, so I think you need not worry not having friends on your side or anything at all. I really hope the change of environment for you would do you good.
It's been a nice time knowing you for three semesters and I really appreciate the times that we discussed about each other's life, using anime characters to represent our lives and all that. Like the anime characters, I hope you can keep on moving and learn the never say die attitude let it be in UK, melbourne or anywhere at all. Don't worry too much about not being able to participate in a match, I'm sure your time will come when the organisers realizes ur talent. Haha.. anyways, I hope when you go over to UK, there'll be more matches and the organisers are always willing to let you participate.
Besides that, I mean, even though I don't realize it, life is not always what you see only, it's actually more than that. You might not be able to see it right now, but as the time goes by, you'll realize that there is more to life! Most importantly, never give up and keep fighting with the Shohoku spirit..!
Anyways, I wish you best of luck in UK and I hope that things will change for the better for you! Good luck and all the best my friend!
Well Raymond, here is a small piece of advice for you. What you want may not be what you get all the time. That's what I feel at least, you might think that what you are asking for is just a simple thing and even that it can't be fulfilled. You felt that you fought for it and you tried hard for it. That might be the case for now, but be patient, I'm really sure good things are coming your way. Maybe it'll take a long time, but just hang in there for a while more. You are a great person that's for sure, so I think you need not worry not having friends on your side or anything at all. I really hope the change of environment for you would do you good.
It's been a nice time knowing you for three semesters and I really appreciate the times that we discussed about each other's life, using anime characters to represent our lives and all that. Like the anime characters, I hope you can keep on moving and learn the never say die attitude let it be in UK, melbourne or anywhere at all. Don't worry too much about not being able to participate in a match, I'm sure your time will come when the organisers realizes ur talent. Haha.. anyways, I hope when you go over to UK, there'll be more matches and the organisers are always willing to let you participate.
Besides that, I mean, even though I don't realize it, life is not always what you see only, it's actually more than that. You might not be able to see it right now, but as the time goes by, you'll realize that there is more to life! Most importantly, never give up and keep fighting with the Shohoku spirit..!
Anyways, I wish you best of luck in UK and I hope that things will change for the better for you! Good luck and all the best my friend!
Friday, June 09, 2006
Three options in life : search.. guess... ignore..
Search...
You always search for answers.. search how others think of you, how they judge you and how they really treat you. You search for care by giving others care. You seek for help from those you care when you are in trouble. However, you get confused sometimes but all you can do is continue searching. You try to understand why people act in a certain way. You wonder whether they are naive, ignorant or they are just the way they are and they are just selfish. You can't help to wonder whether they only see themselves in their eyes. You can't help to think whether they actually care about others or they are just putting up an act to make themselves look good in front of others. They don't realize that when they are doing certain stuffs, they are affecting others as well. This option is HARD!
Guess...
You make the wrong guess bout yourself, that's alright, but when you make a wrong guess bout others, you are screwed MATE! So, I'm quite sure I won't guess anything again..
Ignore...
Ignore is the best option to choose. Ignore about what others think of you. Ignore how others actually treat you, whether they are real or they are fake. It doesn't really matter. Ignore it when others bring you down, ignore it when others do not really care what you do. Live life the way you want, ignore them! Ignore those bastards who only think of themselves and not other's trouble! Ignore care, care only for yourself! Ignore everyone! Your life will be much simpler and care-free!
You always search for answers.. search how others think of you, how they judge you and how they really treat you. You search for care by giving others care. You seek for help from those you care when you are in trouble. However, you get confused sometimes but all you can do is continue searching. You try to understand why people act in a certain way. You wonder whether they are naive, ignorant or they are just the way they are and they are just selfish. You can't help to wonder whether they only see themselves in their eyes. You can't help to think whether they actually care about others or they are just putting up an act to make themselves look good in front of others. They don't realize that when they are doing certain stuffs, they are affecting others as well. This option is HARD!
Guess...
You make the wrong guess bout yourself, that's alright, but when you make a wrong guess bout others, you are screwed MATE! So, I'm quite sure I won't guess anything again..
Ignore...
Ignore is the best option to choose. Ignore about what others think of you. Ignore how others actually treat you, whether they are real or they are fake. It doesn't really matter. Ignore it when others bring you down, ignore it when others do not really care what you do. Live life the way you want, ignore them! Ignore those bastards who only think of themselves and not other's trouble! Ignore care, care only for yourself! Ignore everyone! Your life will be much simpler and care-free!
Friday, June 02, 2006
those were the days we will never get again...
I've been looking at pictures and videos of the past two semesters, it just strikes me, what went wrong? who changed? Is it me? Is it them? or is it everyone has changed? It really makes me wonder when will be the next time, we'll go crazy again, dancing to the beat even without getting drunk, talking till the next morning in a group, studying in the JCR and singing random songs. Everything seems to pass by so fast just like a dream I had last night. Sometimes, you wish you could just stay at the best moments of your life and never move from there, but you know you can't. You wish you could turn back the clock and change certain things or avoid something. You wish to go back to happier times, when everyone was still the same, but you know that is impossible.
I really think the world would be a better place if no one ever grows up, just being childish and happy all the time. Life would be much simpler and there will be not so much arguments at all. Even if there were, everyone will forgive one another and just continue having fun. I really want to do that, but I know I can't. People say that, as you grow up, you sacrifice more and more stuffs. Is fun part of the things that you sacrifice..? Why can't everyone just lead a simple life? The fact is i'm 19 plus, I can't act childish anymore, I want to have fun, but I have to be mature as well. Regardless what everyone, say everyone is judging one another all the time and everyone has to be responsible for their actions.
At the end of the day, there are many things that you wished you have not done or wished that it had not change. The fact is that, things have changed, people change as well and there's nothing we could do about it. Those fun days will be in everyone's memories until the day they leave this world. 20 years from now, you'll look back at the pictures and say, hey, I did have fun alright. However, the point is that, there's no way we could turn back time and there's no way we could change the past. We could just move on and look to a brighter future... and hope that things will change for the better..
I really think the world would be a better place if no one ever grows up, just being childish and happy all the time. Life would be much simpler and there will be not so much arguments at all. Even if there were, everyone will forgive one another and just continue having fun. I really want to do that, but I know I can't. People say that, as you grow up, you sacrifice more and more stuffs. Is fun part of the things that you sacrifice..? Why can't everyone just lead a simple life? The fact is i'm 19 plus, I can't act childish anymore, I want to have fun, but I have to be mature as well. Regardless what everyone, say everyone is judging one another all the time and everyone has to be responsible for their actions.
At the end of the day, there are many things that you wished you have not done or wished that it had not change. The fact is that, things have changed, people change as well and there's nothing we could do about it. Those fun days will be in everyone's memories until the day they leave this world. 20 years from now, you'll look back at the pictures and say, hey, I did have fun alright. However, the point is that, there's no way we could turn back time and there's no way we could change the past. We could just move on and look to a brighter future... and hope that things will change for the better..
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
words from a loser...
Sometimes words from others really bothers me, but I think I've learnt to listen only to what i want and reject whatever that I refuse to. Some people say pointless remarks about you to bring you down. You don't understand why they do it, but they just seem to do it all the time. Yeah, I admit I've done it to others before, but not to the extend that I don't know when to talk and when not to not talk.
I know you think I'm a loser, for not being able to do certain things. If it makes you happy, I admit, I'm a loser. So..? Does it make any difference to you? I am what I am.. I don't think it affects you...
Sometimes you want to change, sometimes you wanna be different, but people seems reluctant to let you do so, they seem reluctant to let you change for their own benefits. It is as if, I have to be the way that they like to entertain them or amuse them. I am low in self-confidence and believe, but I don't think that should be the reason for someone to step over my head and bring me down over and over again. I think it's unfair for someone to take advantage of others when they know they're weak or when they know they're weaknesses. Maybe you could do that, just not all the time.
I know I might be a good for nothing fool, but at least, have a little respect for who I am. I am not your floor mat, that you can step on everyday or a toilet bowl that you can sit on everyday. If you think I'm gonna let you do that, you're wrong.. really wrong.
Anyways, I believe it happenned for a reason, a reason for me to believe that I shouldn't just sit and wait for others to take advantage of my weaknesses. It gives me a reason to get back to my old self, one which has much more confidence. I know it's hard to prove to others what I am, but at the end of the day, I think it's more important for me to prove to myself that I'm worth something.
All I can say is, you can judge me however you want, you can bring me down all you want, but I just want to let you know that when you are down and you are in need of some one to help you, I won't be there, I'll just sit and laugh at you (sorry for being harsh, but that's how you treated me).
I know you think I'm a loser, for not being able to do certain things. If it makes you happy, I admit, I'm a loser. So..? Does it make any difference to you? I am what I am.. I don't think it affects you...
Sometimes you want to change, sometimes you wanna be different, but people seems reluctant to let you do so, they seem reluctant to let you change for their own benefits. It is as if, I have to be the way that they like to entertain them or amuse them. I am low in self-confidence and believe, but I don't think that should be the reason for someone to step over my head and bring me down over and over again. I think it's unfair for someone to take advantage of others when they know they're weak or when they know they're weaknesses. Maybe you could do that, just not all the time.
I know I might be a good for nothing fool, but at least, have a little respect for who I am. I am not your floor mat, that you can step on everyday or a toilet bowl that you can sit on everyday. If you think I'm gonna let you do that, you're wrong.. really wrong.
Anyways, I believe it happenned for a reason, a reason for me to believe that I shouldn't just sit and wait for others to take advantage of my weaknesses. It gives me a reason to get back to my old self, one which has much more confidence. I know it's hard to prove to others what I am, but at the end of the day, I think it's more important for me to prove to myself that I'm worth something.
All I can say is, you can judge me however you want, you can bring me down all you want, but I just want to let you know that when you are down and you are in need of some one to help you, I won't be there, I'll just sit and laugh at you (sorry for being harsh, but that's how you treated me).
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